School have banned DD from wearing anything she has made

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Bit of a back story

DD is really creative and always has been she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers. She's not this way inclined and has a few diagnosed additional learning needs.

As we saw this (art, music etc) was clearly her thing we encouraged her and she hasn't looked back-she has some confidence back from a few tough early years at school.

The school has taken a very hardline approach to her appearance- she's not allowed to wear her hair the way she wants.She keeps having stuff confiscated (a hair accessory made with three small Pom-poms?) hair bows that she has made for her hair and now it's her watch. She covered her bag in fabric she painted(the bag got banned) reason- as ever -the school cite Health & Safety The hair thing is bizarre given that my DD had her stuff taken off her and yet in the school class photo there are heaps of girls all wearing massive JoJo bows covering half their heads.

She's ten. She knows with older brothers that secondary is more strict in respect to items of uniform but I am being unreasonable in thinking her primary school are being a bit full on-with her?

Writing this as I reread an e mail sent from the school saying she's not wearing regulation swimming stuff (she is -they were only asked for a one piece)

[minipie]

Is it possible the Jojo wearers are also being asked to remove them and the school is having an ongoing battle over this?

If not then YANBU at all and I would very much be having a quiet word about the apparent inconsistency/unfairness.

And yeah, watch out for the "only likes academic children" teacher. I've met those.

[TeethDrama]

,Just ask politely re the hair clips and the bag how they are a hazard. I can understand the fabric painted swimming costume reservations, so I probably wouldn't question that.

I imagine it's because they are handmade/decorated items so haven't been tested for toxicity in terms of glue, & paint used, and security of attachment etc. A bitover the top and I'd be asking his they know the big bows are not also handmade & therefore non toxic etc. Ultimately your dd can wear these things whenever she likes at home and I wouldn't make s fuss with her that school are being so unfair etc - as you don't want to encourage a "them and us" resentment towards school - I'd say "well, we might not always agree with the rules but we have to adhere to them, so let's make something really special to wear on Saturdays".

[SnotGoblin]

Do her customisations have a political lean? What are the badges you refer to on her bag, are they punky opinion badges or are they unicorns and rainbows badges? I'm clutching at straws to think of any other reason the school will be trying to restrict her and let the JoJo crowd run wild.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Snotgoblin brilliant name and excellent question-no -however I did have to say no to the "Free Tibet" t shirt she made with prayer flags attached the the sleeves like wings for the Book Day.

No really.


Sorry not sorry.

[Thirtyrock39]

I would definitely guess the other kids are teasing her even if it seems they're making a fuss . They're probably being mean secretly and the teachers cottened on and is trying to be sensitive to you. Probably very covert stuff that's hard to tackle.

[AcrossthePond55]

Do you think her homemade items are being considered a 'learning distraction' because the other girls like them and are being distracted by them in class? And instead of dealing with it correctly, they find it easier to tell your DD that her things are 'not uniform'?

If it wouldn't be too identifying, would you be willing to post a picture of one of her homemade hair bobbles for comparison.

BTW, those JoJo bows scream 1890s to me (a la Hayley Mills' Pollyanna).

[Freddorika]

Yes it wouldn't surprise me if she's being teased. It's quite out-there behaviour that sounds lovely to me as an adult but I can see just the kind of thing that makes kids a target.

It would of course be better if they tackled the teasers rather than having to stop your dd being so non conformist, but IME that never happens!

[Jmangel]

"That even Sia would struggle with" - love it - misses point completely.

[Headofthehive55]

Tell her to keep crafting. When I was in year 6 I had a stock of necklaces, bracelets etc I'd made with resin, which I loaned out to my classmates on a daily rate. They became the must have accessory!

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Nope there's no teasing at all-other than the regular messing that might happen. She's not a sad round peg in a square hole. Despite her isms she's very sweet and kind and popular with kids and parents. At the risk of outing myself here when she does something or makes something it's not unusual to see a kid in something very similar shop bought. For example she liked some leggings that she was growing out of so cut them folded them over and made knee pads out of them - one of the girls who does dance loved it and they bought dance knee pads in the exact same print for a competition.

She's a dude. But I accept that maybe stuff has been going on that the teacher may have been protecting her from- we will see.

She's very confident in herself and very open with me. Her confidence in her work and not being as academically gifted as her brothers was a thing which we've been working on.

[circleSoflife]

OP, your dd sounds utterly wonderful. She'll go far provided she is supported in her creativity, which she seems to be at home and hopefully soon at secondary. You sound like a super nice mum.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Thanks circle
I'm a good mum for them I think.

If ive learnt anything from having the boys first - if you have a kid that shines in a different way but who is HAPPY you'd best to everything you can to keep than shine going.

[MongerTruffle]

I can see their point about the swimwear. They have no idea whether the paint is safe to be used in water which others will be swimming in.

YANBU about the hair bows.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Thanks Monger
I have a meeting with the head on Wednesday so I will take it from there.

[circleSoflife]

"if you have a kid that shines in a different way but who is HAPPY you'd best to everything you can to keep than shine going." Very true, that's great advice

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Thanks Circle
Can you tell my shine was snuffed out very early on

[DailyMaui]

Hands my daughter, arty not academic, was disliked by her year 6 teacher. In fact there was a lot of tome spent convincing me that my daughter was useless at maths, science.. you name it. (She was making the tiny village school cohort "weak," despite never having been so previously) Grrrr. I endured a year of the relentless sniping at her. I complained, I had chats with the head, I outright confronted the teacher. Other parents would tell me how they had heard that the teacher picked on my DD. It was a shitty year. And I felt helpless. At the end of term we had a massive party and I learned just how many other parents had similar issues. Three siblings of year six children were subsequently removed from the school.

My daughter is now at secondary school. She is like a different person. It became plain how badly she was affected and how unhappy she was. We've just had parent's evening. Not ONE complaint and she's exceeding at science, history, french, geography and English. She was written off this time last year.

I'd never had anything like this - some teachers are just not very nice. I'm pissed off that DD had such a crap last primary year but happy I had her back all the way though it.

Don't let them take away that shine. That shine is GOOD stuff.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Dailymaui- thanks for your post. That's great news about your DD. One of my DC flew in year7 having been terribly nervous about the transition.

Such a relief!

[kurlique]

OP your DD sounds amazing💗 Long may she continue to be her super shiny unique self!

I just looked up jojo bows as they had passed me by... ye gads they remind me of Bonnie Langford in Just William back in the day🤢 they were gopping then and they still are! Thank goodness for my tomboy... she won't wear a slide never mind a bow!

[Grindelwaldswand]

she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers
This.
It makes your children sound like a group of specially bred show dogs
Boak

[Grindelwaldswand]

A what ?? And no I'm merely pointing out that you sound ridiculous

[hmcAsWas]

I love a good riposte

[reuset]

I can't see that hand on the Mumsnet smileys list, OP

Good luck on Wednesday.