School have banned DD from wearing anything she has made

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Bit of a back story

DD is really creative and always has been she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers. She's not this way inclined and has a few diagnosed additional learning needs.

As we saw this (art, music etc) was clearly her thing we encouraged her and she hasn't looked back-she has some confidence back from a few tough early years at school.

The school has taken a very hardline approach to her appearance- she's not allowed to wear her hair the way she wants.She keeps having stuff confiscated (a hair accessory made with three small Pom-poms?) hair bows that she has made for her hair and now it's her watch. She covered her bag in fabric she painted(the bag got banned) reason- as ever -the school cite Health & Safety The hair thing is bizarre given that my DD had her stuff taken off her and yet in the school class photo there are heaps of girls all wearing massive JoJo bows covering half their heads.

She's ten. She knows with older brothers that secondary is more strict in respect to items of uniform but I am being unreasonable in thinking her primary school are being a bit full on-with her?

Writing this as I reread an e mail sent from the school saying she's not wearing regulation swimming stuff (she is -they were only asked for a one piece)

[2014newme]

Glad you finally spoke to school.

[Pigflewpast]

Had the head teacher RTFT?!
Pleased you're happy, well done for sorting it for your daughter

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Thank you
Very happy with outcome

Can't say more. I may have overshared (despite name changing/changing details)

[WanderingStar1]

Hi OP - you need to go onto the schools website and get a copy of their complaints procedure. You cant go to the governors until you've followed that through to the appropriate stage. It will probably say - first raise the matter informally with the teacher, then if no joy write formally to the Head (Stage 1). If still not happy write to the Chair of Govs (Stage 2) and if no joy with that there is an appeal stage. Or those might vary slightly. It's worth knowing in advance as it will save time - you don't want to go informally to the head if the teacher hasn't helped, if that should be a formal written complaint, as you'd only build an extra step into the process. Good luck!

[MerryMarigold]

Personally I also think she is being singled out for the swimsuit and I would have it down on the list. The reason being, that she was allowed to wear out for however long before the teacher told her she couldn't. I would save it to somewhere near the bottom but it is relevant as part of a consistent picture of bullying.

[kali110]

Your daughter sounds fantastic, you sound like a great mom.
It does sound like she's being singled out ( bar the swimsuit).
I hope she doesn't lose her creativity!
I would be having words!
I remember all to well being picked up by teachers, yet my peers being left
As for the hearing aid comment, that's disgusting.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think you have every right to ask the school why your dd is being held to different standards than other children in her class - the specific examples of JoJo bows being allowed in the class photo, whilst her pom poms weren't, and the bags with lots of key rings being allowable whilst sewn-on badges aren't.

I would probably email the teacher and copy in the Head, and explain that you don't want special treatment for your child - you just want her treated the same as her classmates - and that her current treatment appears unfair, for the reasons you have stated on here.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Thanks Pigs
It's only because it's new territory for me. I've never had to have a word in all my years. Teachers have come to me but not the other way around.

Have sought counsel from some of the previous disgruntled parents whom I still know from the boy- they put me right (although they still have their axes to grind and this is about DD not me or their kids)

[Pigflewpast]

Hands you sound lovely. I'd feel a bit uneasy too in your situation. I've found writing my key points down before I've gone in helps, if you feel you're loosing control of what's being discussed just check your list and get back on point. Good luck today.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Merry I completely misread your previous post- sorry

Advice thank you for being able to read properly and help me out there. I thought Merry meant to stick to the larger incidents not every single gripe on my list. again.

Erm. Have no experience of doing this kind of thing and I'm a bit uneasy.

[Advicewouldbelovelyta]

By every little thing she means you don't go in and complain over everything that ever happens, like your child is a special delicate flower that should be wrapped in bubble wrap and treated as a VIP wherever she goes. Basically you're a normal parent and you only go in for things that really matter, you're a good parent :)

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Merry- what is every little thing?

I think photo is a pretty good start.

[MerryMarigold]

I think you have all the evidence you need that teacher is bullying her
It will stand you in good stead that you don't moan about every small thing. This is major.

[Advicewouldbelovelyta]

I'd definetly go to the governors. Or at least say to the head that "I wanted to speak to you first and see if we can get this sorted before I go to the governors", he/she is more likely to listen if you say that

[HandsDontDoDishes]

I have quite a list forming.
Found something out this morning from DD which I am furious about - fucking furious.

Cannot go into detail without it being very identifiable- but the teacher made nasty remarks about an learning aid (which is essential) being a fashion accessory in front of the whole class. WTF?

If the head is a bit limp wristed about this it's governors next isn't it?

[c0lette]

This is unjustified - the school should encourage her individuality, self-expression and creativity. I really feel for you having to deal with a school that is not being supportive, but I definitely feel that you are in the right to stand up for your daughter.

[HandsDontDoDishes]

Noodle
You are spot on I'm not a rebel, not entitled and I don't think my dc should have VIP treatment-my DC are not confident in challenging adults either they do what they're told and are sticklers for following rules. However that said they have a strong idea of justice and fairness (like most kids I'd imagine) I cannot see why any child let alone mine would be singled out for not towed the uniform line and others being allowed to go unchallenged.

[Noodledoodledoo]

LuLu I am the first to stick up for teachers being one myself but I don't think the OP has an issue with her daughter being told she can't wear stuff but the fact that others are not being told the same.

I agree it doesn't matter what others do, but why cause upset by asking just one child to remove items from her hair prior to a school photo and let others wear similar things? This to me makes it seem like there is some unfairness - if the reason given was they didn't follow the rules.

I may have misread but I get the impression that the OP just wants fair treatment for her daughter not to be allowed to break the rules.

[LuluJakey1]

The school probably spends a great deal of time with the parents of the other students who thnk they don't have to follow the rules either. These are the kind of parents who take time away from children in schools by staff having to waste it on things that parents should support them with, not undermine them with.

When you choose a school you should be clear what its rules are and support them.

Teachers have a legal duty to make sure all children are safe with them and to make decisions on that basis about what is appropriate and what isn't.

[Laiste]

Teachers do not have the right to judge the safety standards to which things have been made and confiscate them based on this judgement.

Ay?

What about the other children's right to be safe in school? How would you feel if your child came home with an injury and the teacher just said oooooh yeah we saw that sharp thing but we didn't feel we could infringe little Johny's rights by taking it off him!?

This is not a comment on OPs situation here, but honestly it's laughable how some parents expect their child to be safe all day and educated in a building full of hundreds of other kids with the adults in charge just drifting about bloody nodding and smiling at them all

[SoupDragon]

it does not matter what other parents and children do.

It does if they are not all being treated the same.

[LuluJakey1]

You choose a school so choose one with rules you will buy into and you intend to follow. It does not matter what other parents and children do. Support the school and their rules. If you can't, don't complain just choose one where you can.

[Mrsknackered]

Your poor DD hope the school unclenches and it does sound like unfair treatment.
I went to a non-uniform school (primary) and was constantly wearing pro-gay and free Tibet tops I now realise how long ago it's been since I was at school

[BonnyScotland]

is this what those Giant Bows are ? I see lots of kids wearing them to school... I wondered how the devil they mastered this craft ..... lol

[BigGrannyPants]

Sounds to me like they don't like her individuality and see this as a threat. They are not allowed to steal confiscate her things. She can refuse. I'm not saying she wouldn't get sent home but then there is an argument that they are bullying her and interrupting her education because she does not conform with the majority of students. People who are different seem to pose difficulties for schools. My parents had this with my sister and she was often sent home for her jacket or her shoes or her hair, my parents always sent her straight back with either a note or a phone call making it clear the schools behaviour would not be tolerated. It stopped after that. How she wears her hair or what is on her clothes or bag has no affect on her ability to learn. That is all the school should be concerned with. Anything else, is a sideline agenda and has no place there. The behaviour they are displaying would not be accepted by them if it was one pupil to another