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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School have banned DD from wearing anything she has made

148 replies

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 10:13

Bit of a back story

DD is really creative and always has been she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers. She's not this way inclined and has a few diagnosed additional learning needs.

As we saw this (art, music etc) was clearly her thing we encouraged her and she hasn't looked back-she has some confidence back from a few tough early years at school.

The school has taken a very hardline approach to her appearance- she's not allowed to wear her hair the way she wants.She keeps having stuff confiscated (a hair accessory made with three small Pom-poms?) hair bows that she has made for her hair and now it's her watch. She covered her bag in fabric she painted(the bag got banned) reason- as ever -the school cite Health & Safety The hair thing is bizarre given that my DD had her stuff taken off her and yet in the school class photo there are heaps of girls all wearing massive JoJo bows covering half their heads.

She's ten. She knows with older brothers that secondary is more strict in respect to items of uniform but I am being unreasonable in thinking her primary school are being a bit full on-with her?

Writing this as I reread an e mail sent from the school saying she's not wearing regulation swimming stuff (she is -they were only asked for a one piece)

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 20/02/2017 11:14

I would deal with the hair stuff, photo and bag. Just ask why. And please update us! Does sound like teacher has taken a dislike to your dd and just picking on her as I can't think of any good reasons, but maybe there is one, I don't know.

Your dd sounds brilliant.

Viviennemary · 20/02/2017 11:25

It is annoying. But just go along with school rules. It really isn't worth the hassle IMHO. Unless you think your DD is being deliberately picked on. In that case take it further in writing.

windypolar · 20/02/2017 11:25

It does sound odd, I'd definitely pursue this further. If the Jojo bows were also banned on health and safety grounds, and not being regulation, I could understand it, but you say they're not. Some of the Jojo-type bows will be handmade too

The bag sounds fine too, especially compared to the, very popular, smiggle bags.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/02/2017 11:27

Annie the local comp is AMAZING! She cannot wait to join. Very strict with regards to uniform but it has fantastic provision for AEN

That's fab.

All the more time & energy for getting this sorted then 😬 Party for DD, but also because I'm dying to hear their excuses for the hair accessories & bag - given they let the others wear & use all manner of stuff!

It does sound like her teacher only has time for the High Academic Achievers. I wonder if she thinks that as the older ones are boys, now you have a girl you are indulging her too much and she could be as academic as them if only you'd 'keep her focussed' or something?! It all just seems so odd, removing her little gingham bits but allowing jojo bows. Is it her all the time that's removing stuff or is it other teachers too?

2014newme · 20/02/2017 11:31

I do feel sorry for the poor girl that parents haven't discussed it with teacher. Toomany people are afraid of being seen as pushy parents, it's madness. You are your child's only advocate!

NewTrellis · 20/02/2017 11:31

" It all just seems so odd, removing her little gingham bits but allowing jojo bows."

It actually sounds quite nasty to me.

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2017 11:33

I'd go in with the school photo and ask questions.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Dushenka · 20/02/2017 11:40

I think it's time to ask them to clarify their policy in writing. Say it will help you get it right so that DD doesn't have to go through what must be a demoralising procedure of having her stuff confiscated. So you can be constructive but clearly you need proper information to ensure everyone is being treated fairly.

Original poster

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 11:55

Yes 2014 I've worked in a school and I know the type of parent you sound.

I'll leave it there. I'm not afraid of anyone. What I do and what I've always done when things seem petty is keep an eye on it, encourage my Dc to deal with it. Something a few choice parents could learn.

OP posts:

SittingWithMyFeetUP12 · 20/02/2017 11:59

I thought it might be worth going down for a chat with the head teacher, just in case your child in particular was being picked on by a teacher....it does happen unfortunately..

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/02/2017 11:59

Do other teachers do this or is it just the one? And does your dd get her confiscated stuff back at the end of the day...?

Freddorika · 20/02/2017 12:00

Definitely a massive NO to the swimsuit with fabric paint on it.

The rest of it sounds lovely and rather charming. I hope the school see sense.

MadisonAvenue · 20/02/2017 12:13

I agree with Sitting here. Perhaps make an appointment to see the head. Will talking to the teacher actually change anything or would she be likely to just fob you off and carry on, meaning that you then have to take it further anyway.

We had something quite like this with my son a couple of years ago. He's not academic like his older brother (and yes, we were often told that they were so different by teachers) and we had recurring problems with one particular science teacher, he was in high school, who was calling me on a weekly basis to inform me of petty things he'd supposedly done in her class. The head of science was no better and actually refused to speak to me when I called to request a meeting. We involved the head who, after a meeting we attended with the head, head of science and the teacher (who sat mute and didn't contribute anything), quickly got him moved to a class taken by another teacher and he thrived.

MadisonAvenue · 20/02/2017 12:14

Meant to say, your daughter sounds wonderful!

Original poster

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 12:31

She is Maddson-she's a little Bobby-dazzler

OP posts:

Original poster

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 12:31

Madison

OP posts:

Peregrane · 20/02/2017 12:33

Hands, did you just want to see then if the consensus is that your child is being picked on, then tell her she needs to deal with it? Seems to me a bit of an unbalanced situation if a 10yo is being picked upon by a teacher.

You don't need to run in there guns blazing and swearing down the building, but what is wrong with politely making your case - especially if you are not the type to bother the school on a regular basis?

MadisonAvenue · 20/02/2017 12:36

Hands there aren't enough little Bobby Dazzlers in the world in my opinion, hope she never changes!

Crumbs1 · 20/02/2017 12:37

Look at uniform policy. If she is breaching it she'll need to modify appearance, if she isn't download go see teacher and ask her how she believes your daughter was breaching it. React accordingly.

Original poster

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 12:41

No Peregrane
It's useful to have an impartial view on it and I wouldn't have considered the swim costume thing even though she's been using it for 6 months with no colour bleeding or loss of embellishments.

It's fine.

On the day her things were taken off her I was told it was not "uniform policy" so we didn't think too much of it.

From the photo it's clear this rule is being applied to her and not others and in my opinion a couple of the children who wear the giganta-bows they are dc of some of the more vocal and busy parents.

I'm handling it.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

Dulcimena · 20/02/2017 12:44

I'd never heard of JoJo bows, went looking and came across this: www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-views/rise-jojo-bow-a-classroom-menace

Sounds as though your DD's school is going to have to revisit their uniform policy sooner or later.

You sound like an amazing mum btw, and your DD sounds v cool too.

SomethingBorrowed · 20/02/2017 12:45

It seems like YANBU, but just trying to think about why it could have happen... could it be that the school view DD's hair accessories as too "out there" or original? The hair bows are classic accessories which might have been accepted because "every girl has them".
Not saying it is right, just trying to see their point.

BillSykesDog · 20/02/2017 12:46

I'm actually quite disappointed there is no little Leigh Bowery photobombing the school picture.

Maybe you should show her a few Leigh Bowery pics as inspiration, see what she comes up with and send her off to school in it? That'll learn 'em.

Original poster

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 12:49

Can't see the issue with the huge bows to be honest with you. There's always a craze of some sort next year it'll be scrunchies and pixie boots again I'm sure.

Except For mini Hands
She'll be in rubber waders and a top fashioned from tin foil and paper clips. (Lighthearted)

OP posts:

SomethingBorrowed · 20/02/2017 12:53

So in a way their point is that the bow don't attract to much attention to the child wearing it, because it is widely used, whereas your DD is drawing attention to herself...
Anyway, I'd be curious to know how the school justifies it officially. Because from your description it seemed pretty sensible, not as if she had a dead pigeon on her head or something

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