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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School have banned DD from wearing anything she has made

148 replies

HandsDontDoDishes · 20/02/2017 10:13

Hmm Bit of a back story

DD is really creative and always has been she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers. She's not this way inclined and has a few diagnosed additional learning needs.

As we saw this (art, music etc) was clearly her thing we encouraged her and she hasn't looked back-she has some confidence back from a few tough early years at school.

The school has taken a very hardline approach to her appearance- she's not allowed to wear her hair the way she wants.She keeps having stuff confiscated (a hair accessory made with three small Pom-poms?) hair bows that she has made for her hair and now it's her watch. She covered her bag in fabric she painted(the bag got banned) reason- as ever -the school cite Health & Safety The hair thing is bizarre given that my DD had her stuff taken off her and yet in the school class photo there are heaps of girls all wearing massive JoJo bows covering half their heads.

She's ten. She knows with older brothers that secondary is more strict in respect to items of uniform but I am being unreasonable in thinking her primary school are being a bit full on-with her?

Writing this as I reread an e mail sent from the school saying she's not wearing regulation swimming stuff (she is -they were only asked for a one piece)

OP posts:
Original poster
HandsDontDoDishes · 21/02/2017 10:37

reuseit

I've never felt the need to use it before. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
HandsDontDoDishes · 21/02/2017 10:38

reuset

OP posts:
Fakenewsday · 21/02/2017 10:58

we have a similar thing in our family - my MIL& SIL are very clever (all the boys very high achieving) but academic achievement never ever interested them as much as crafting and creative things. You're exactly right hands that you encourage your children in what makes them happy, as long as they are good enough at the other things. My DD is showing signs of this, school bores her totally but loves crafting, anything creative even though I could see that she can do the school work it's just not giving her a big mental payoff.

Original poster
HandsDontDoDishes · 21/02/2017 13:05

fakenews another great name by the way.

Don't we all know people who might have some extra £££ in the bank and postitions of seniority at work but they're MISERABLE!(we have a few in our family)

I know it's very basic but I really would prefer all of my dc to grow up being able to care for themselves, to work hard and never give up trying, to live within their means and finally to do something that makes them truly happy. And to use the word AND less than I do.

OP posts:
Fakenewsday · 21/02/2017 13:12

thanks - yes, we've got several of those too! Trusting your gut instinct and backing yourself is so important in life and we don't teach children well to do that.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/02/2017 13:20

User no teasing- if anything when she's worn something the other girls make a fuss.

Any chance that's the problem?

Otherwise it really doesn't sound good from the teacher :(

Original poster
HandsDontDoDishes · 21/02/2017 14:10

Thanks Anchor-
Anythings possible of course but I'd be very surprised if this is the case.
Hoping to solve the issues shortly.

OP posts:
coffeeandbubbles · 21/02/2017 17:46

Ask to see their risk assessment on their dress code, in particular the section that cites what they're telling you. There's nothing in H&S law that is this specific so it must be something the school has 'implemented'. If they can't produce anything in writing that says "children aren't to wear XYZ because of ABC" then you can tell them where to shove it. People always use H&S as bullshit reasons to not do something.

GreenGinger2 · 21/02/2017 18:06

Yanbu

I'd see the head,ask for clarification and point out the unfairness re the Jo Jo bows.

Those bows are hideous,they are a huge craze where where I work. Frankly I think they should be banned. The dinner plate ones cost £13 and the colours change your street cred. The minute a new one comes out they want it. I think it makes the uniform look very scruffy. I thought the whole point if uniform was to look smart and stop pressure on poorer families.

Oh and just for the record they fall to pieces. Spotted 2 on desks in tatters today. They're just a spiked hairdressing pin with a bit if ribbon,utter rip off and a health and safety issue if you're that way inclined.

confuugled1 · 21/02/2017 18:09

I'd be tempted to 'trap' the teacher and buy a cheap hair thingy (or whatever!) that looks like it might be something that your dd has made, then send her into school in it...

Then when the teacher complains about it and makes her remove it, muttering about home made things, you can reply that it's shop bought and that as other dc are allowed to wear shop bought things why is your dd not allowed to? And seeing as she is unable to tell the difference between shop bought and home made, why is she stopping the home made stuff?

I would definitely pull her up on it - if not to her face then if you are talking to the head teacher, I'd throw it into the conversation that she seems to be picking on your dd and that you suspect that it is because your dd is crafty rather than academic - that you are really surprised because you were so pleased when your dd got her as she had taught your older dc so well, but you are shocked that she is behaving like a completely different teacher to your dd, confirming the playground rumours that you had previously heard and dismissed.

ds1 had a teacher who just didn't seem to like him, put him down, just made his life in Y1 miserable. It hadn't helped that ds had missed the first 10 days of school due to a really nasty bout of chicken pox which had come out the night before the first day of term - so he went back still with scars and the sort of tired you are after having been ill for a while, you could tell he he wasn't at 100% but she treated him like he had been off for an extended jolly and didn't support him settling in - whereas beforehand the school had been telling us how they supported the first couple of weeks transition between reception and y1, his classmates got it and he was expected to drop in perfectly, regardless of the fact they'd muddled all the classes up so it was all new.

Anyhow, it was a miserable year, I wished I had been brave enough to confront the teacher or say something to the head but I didn't. It was only the next year that I discovered that most of the other parents felt exactly the same way - but we all suffered in silence. If we had talked and done something maybe something could have been done about her earlier.

When ds2 was at the school a few years later, I did put in a request that he wasn't put with this teacher. I did it informally as by fluke I happened to have a chat with the TA just before she went to the meeting they were deciding on the next year's classes - but if I had realised that they were going to hold the meeting earlier I would have made a formal request.

However, talking to a friend who's dd got put into her class that year, I commiserated and asked her if she was going to try to get her moved if any spaces came up, she was shocked I'd said anything as her elder dd had had a great time with the teacher the year before (different year from ds1 being with her). I suspect that there is a small but significant group of teachers that are marmite like this - you either love them or hate them, and they either love you or hate you (well, your dc) and that affects how your year with them goes.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 21/02/2017 18:22

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pollymere · 21/02/2017 18:30

Both my dd school and the one I work in would expect an appropriate swimsuit in an appropriate colour such as navy or black. The bows do seem to be tolerated, I don't know why. Where I work hair accessories need to be in school colours so a giant green bow would be tolerated in a photo but not red pompoms, however small. I don't see why there would be an issue with the bag, although again, a brightly coloured or highly decorated bag might be considered inappropriate if the school tolerate plain bags. Schools frequently turn a blind eye to a bag not bought through the school but only if it's reasonably plain or simple. They may also be trying to protect your daughter from being teased.

Mallory1980 · 21/02/2017 18:30

And YOU, @MrsGuyOfGisbo, sounds like a singularly unpleasant person.

SoupDragon · 21/02/2017 18:40

Plenty of opportunity to be 'individual' outside school - how about just actually following the rules during school hours.

You see to have missed the point that only the op's DD is being pulled up on stuff.

Fanciedachange17 · 21/02/2017 18:45

Your daughter sounds wonderful as does your parenting.
My youngest was like this, she loved hair bands, the more garish and flower garlanded the better. Her record was wearing 7 at the same time. The caretaker commented on her lovely hat! The staff were superb and looked forward to seeing her original creations which she happily wore in spite of being a shy child. She was year 2/3 at the time and started a trend as the Year sixes began to copy her. Now she is Year 7 and those days are sadly past. I suppose my point is our school encouraged creativity although there was a fairly strict uniform code. No health and safety issues. She also adds accessories to her bags without problems.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 21/02/2017 18:48

I think you need to talk to the teachers and ask what your DD CAN do to create nice things she can wear or have at school. If you can get some guidelines in writing e.g. in an email, that would be good to get you all on the same page.

I would hope teachers would want your DD to have an area that she is confident and can excel in if she has challenges in other areas (the vast majority of teachers I have come across would). There must be something that is mutually agreeable to you, them, and most importantly your DD.

Original poster
HandsDontDoDishes · 21/02/2017 18:48

lay a trap for the teacher" - how bizarre.

Also- GuyofGisbo- Hilarious
Spoilt? You have no clue

And it must pain you to know DD is a rule follower she just isn't academic like the rest of our family. She's given plenty of room outside of school to bloom. I expect people like you to join in with your DC in sniggering behind your hands when you meet people like her. I'm fairly certain there are employees who like happy grafters who have a tattoo or two.

As you were.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobblers · 21/02/2017 18:53

MrsGuyofGIsbo

That is extremely rude and uncalled for.

The OP's dd sounds fabulous to me. Did you miss the fact that the rules are being applied unfairly?

HighwayDragon1 · 21/02/2017 19:12

I wonder if it's because they've not been CE/fire tested/safe. Like it or not jojo bows have to comply to be sold.

arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens · 21/02/2017 19:14

Well I have a H&S qualification and if the materials she's using are decent and safe for kids then I really don't see why the school is being so arsey. On the swimsuit - yes, as the bubbly paint can react with chlorine, but on the rest it does sound as though they can't cope with your DD's "difference".

I would ask the school for an explanation - and as others have said, take in the most recent photo for evidence - and see if you can come to some compromise. She could offer to make up bows to sell at school fetes etc - some of the girls in my DD's primary did that and it was a best seller.

I hope you manage to find a secondary school that will nurture your DD's obvious artistic qualities so that she can thrive.

BeyondThePage · 21/02/2017 19:22

I wonder if it's because they've not been CE/fire tested/safe. Like it or not jojo bows have to comply to be sold

This...

When I was a dinner lady 10 years ago we had a young girl slice her scalp about 2 inches with a home-made hair slide she had made for world book day - it had a pipe-cleaner which had a metal core and would not have passed any CE compliance. (Her mum blamed us dinner ladies for not stopping her from playing with a hairslide in Hmm - but that is by-the-by)

Perhaps it is simply a H&S issue.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 21/02/2017 19:33

Teachers do not have the right to judge the safety standards to which things have been made and confiscate them based on this judgement.

"Ah ha! I remove your egg carton space station honework for immediate safe, incineration!
Your planets made of flammable polystyrene balls may not pass my threshold !!! Begone you home made poster with stuck on lentils..you are a choking hazard.." Confused

Oh and you car has too low a NCAP rating for my liking I will have it towed from the school carpark immediately. Grin

Most bags and accessories are classified as toys and don't pass flammability standards ...so it's not that

SandyY2K · 21/02/2017 19:37

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but if others worse hair accessories and have smigle bags, I'd be noting the evidence and request a meeting with the deputy or the head.

Regarding the swimsuit, did they specify a colour. Like black/navy.

I remember the school saying my DD couldn't wear swimming goggles due to health and safety. I got a letter from my GP and they allowed it.

BigGrannyPants · 21/02/2017 19:39

Sounds to me like they don't like her individuality and see this as a threat. They are not allowed to steal confiscate her things. She can refuse. I'm not saying she wouldn't get sent home but then there is an argument that they are bullying her and interrupting her education because she does not conform with the majority of students. People who are different seem to pose difficulties for schools. My parents had this with my sister and she was often sent home for her jacket or her shoes or her hair, my parents always sent her straight back with either a note or a phone call making it clear the schools behaviour would not be tolerated. It stopped after that. How she wears her hair or what is on her clothes or bag has no affect on her ability to learn. That is all the school should be concerned with. Anything else, is a sideline agenda and has no place there. The behaviour they are displaying would not be accepted by them if it was one pupil to another

BonnyScotland · 21/02/2017 19:54

is this what those Giant Bows are ? I see lots of kids wearing them to school... I wondered how the devil they mastered this craft ..... lol