AIBU to think that professionals shouldn't immediately lecture on 'breast is best' without checking WHY you're not breastfeeding?

[Bellabelloo]

Every single doctor, midwife, health visitor, doctor has given me a disapproving look and lecture on breast being best and asking whether I've given it a proper try etc without actually asking WHY I'm not breastfeeding. When I tell them that I had breast cancer when I was 30 and that I had to have a double mastectomy it shuts them up pretty quickly.

But I do feel really upset by it. I feel guilty that I can't breastfeed. I already feel like less of a woman having had my breasts removed, and now I am being made to feel like less of a mother.

There are many, many reasons why women might not be able to breastfeed and I just think the medical professionals should just ask whether there is a reason a woman has chosen not to breastfeed before judging and lecturing.

That's not unreasonable, is it?

skerrywind In which way do you think your post is helpful or relevant to the OP who started this thread?

^ this.

There is a time and a place for certain comments and this isn't it.

I was unable to breastfeed for medical reasons.

for you OP.

Congrats, Bellabelloo. Your baby is being fed - what else matters?

YY to Mouseclogs' fantastic posts. I don't understand why people say lactation failure is extremely rare. Every part of our bodies will commonly not work properly, whether it be knees, bowels, eyes or whatever. Yet breasts are apparently immune from general biological faultiness even though there have always been more than enough women and babies for sheer numbers to ensure human survival. I'm surprised the number of women who can't EBF because they don't produce enough milk is as low as 5% tbh and I say that as someone who had oversupply issues.

Skerry your post about bf preventing breast cancer on this thread is one of the most shockingly ignorant posts I think I've ever seen on MN. And you aren't even sorry.

YANBU OP, I am planning on breastfeeding and even then I hate the preaching!!!!! For me it os yet another way of removing power from women, the power of choice and the right to do with our body and our life what we want.

there arent many things that prevent women from breastfeeding here we go... it is this kind of thinking.... asuming that BF is the norm unless you can't do it. Bull.

Sorry you have to go through this OP. I hope all this non sense doesnt prevent you from enjoying you little bubba

Skerry DFOD

OP - sorry hcps are being so insensitive. And please ignore the equally insensitive people on here. Thankfully you can see the majority are not like that. Congratulations on your baby

mouseclogs I'm also in love with you...standing ovation!

I wonder what pro-breastfeeders think that breastfed children have that that formula fed children don't? Physical benefits, such as better health and immunity to certain diseases? That's so difficult to prove though, as others have pointed out, it could be linked to the fact that middle class breastfeeding families generally eat healthy diets, don't smoke and do lots of exercise. I know this is a huge generalisation, but that's the point, how do you prove which factor accounts for better health?
What about the mental and emotional benefits then, such as better attachment? I work in CAMHS (children's mental health) and I've never seen anyone with serious problems because they were not breastfed. The serious trauma and attachment problems come from severe trauma and neglect/abuse in early life, family breakups, absent parents...not from lack of breastfeeding!

This is a clumsy post I know, and I am sorry that this thread has been taken over by breastfeeding fundamentalists and reduced to a breast is better lecture! It's amazing how they try and get their 'message' across even when it's entirely inappropriate, and it does their cause more harm than good.

OP you need to complain. It should be obvious on your medical records why you cannot breastfeed and it's pretty shitty that you are still being challenged on this

You should not be challenged on your method of feeding AT ALL. It is a personal choice and your reasons are irrelevant.

I formula fed my first two and plan to formula fed jy third. My health visitor simply asked if I wanted her to lavas some information on "feeding" with me to read and I declined as I was going to formula feed, and had had plenty of practice.

End of discussion. She nodded, and put the leaflet back in her bag.

Thank heavens for modern science and the invention of formula. Without it; a lot of babies would not survive.

Breastfeeding prevents Crohn's disease, skerry? What offensive rubbish. I was breastfed and still developed crohns - if my mum had formula fed me would it have been her fault?

Yes Frenchfancy, I had the same experience. It's shocking how hcp don't take things like this into consideration

I am actually agog that someone has come on to a thread where the OP can't bf due to a double mastectomy due to breast cancer, to force statistics down her throat about how breastfeeding can prevent you getting cancer.

Fuck. Off.

You're a disgrace.

And HQ if you delete my post for saying that then I really despair.

It's wrong if her to ask your method of feeding in a judgemental way. I think it's ok to ask why - it was only when a HCp asked if I'd like to try breastfeeding I did. Up til then, I was ff, as that's all I knew about.

I wonder if it's because she might be surprised you have had breast cancer AND had a bilateral mastectomy, AND just given birth AND only 30.
Not everyone who has had breast cancer has a bilateral mastectomy- in fact that in itself is fairly unusual unless it's preventative.

You should be proud of yourself for having a baby! Congrats!

YADNBU op. I'm always astounded at the number of HCPs I come across who appear to have not even glanced at my notes before coming to talk to me. Really, what is the point if they're not going to be used??

Congratulations on your baby, and I'm sorry that you're made to feel bad when you're at your most vulnerable anyway. I do think that the hectoring about breast feeding has gone a bit too far in many cases. It strikes me as a tick box thing rather than a genuine concern in many cases. Of course breastfeeding is associated with all kinds of benefits at the population level (often based on poor quality data, as pps have said), but the margins are often tiny and almost significant at an individual level. After the first year or so other factors in your babies life like diet, medications, exercise, sleep, social interactions, early education etc. etc. will likely swamp any effects of breastfeeding, and I've yet to meet anyone who can reliably pick out bf or ff children from a crowd at any age.

"almost insignificant at an individual level."

I bf my 3 DC. However, it's all the other things I've done as parent that I'm proud of.

And for all that supposedly fabulous breast milk, my two eldest DC have had 4 sets of grommets for glue ear, autism and type 1 diabetes (an immune disorder) between them.

Op, I'm angry that you have to endure this. I hope those saying it to you feel terrible for blundering in like that.

Enjoy your lovely baby

I would point out to the next HCP who starts the spiel that it's the nth time, you will be making a formal complaint about the assumptions and constant indignity of having to justify yourself and then I'd do exactly that. With names.

Bella I'm not BF because I'm being put straight back on my bi-polar medication post birth.

I weighed up benefits of breast milk versus the risk of postnatal depression/psychosis and the risk won out.

My circumstances aren't exactly unique, I imagine not breastfeeding to get straight back on medication (whatever the ailment) is quite common.

I'm only 9 weeks but the consultant and midwife have both been supportive and the option of donor milk has been mentioned.

I'm sorry you've had such a shit experience, it sounds batshit, what are they hoping you can grow your breasts back?

Congratulations on your little boy

And everything AyeAmorak says with bells on.

I despair on here occasionally.

If you're really committed to breastfeeding you can do it through sheer willpower you know. You don't actually need functioning breasts. And as for medication? Sheer willpower will filter out all the stuff that is dangerous to your baby. It won't filter out caffeine or alcohol though, so it is entirely ok, necessary in fact, to berate breastfeeding mothers for enjoying a cappucino or a glass of wine.

Congratulations OP!

I was in a similar situation - had a baby after breast cancer, but mine was early enough to be treated by WLE, so in theory I could have breastfed. I still couldn't. The surgery and radiotherapy had badly damaged my milk ducts on the affected breast, so even though it produced some milk, it was agonising. I'd fed my first baby, pre-cancer, so I absolutely knew the difference between what was normal and this wasn't.

For my own valid reasons that I don't have to state (that's going to piss some people off, I think ), I didn't want to breastfeed from one breast only. I was pinning my hopes on the one that had the cancer being undamaged, but it wasn't, so that was that.

I got a few people questioning me, but honestly, I think it was down to lack of time. It sucks, but this is one of those situations where you either dwell on it and let it cloud your days, or you decide to brush it off.

I am actually agog that someone has come on to a thread where the OP can't bf due to a double mastectomy due to breast cancer, to force statistics down her throat about how breastfeeding can prevent you getting cancer.

Well said. How strangely insensitive.

OP, so pleased that you have your baby boy after being told it's an impossibility - what a gorgeous end to a tough chapter.

Oh my god, I understand what that poster's problem is. It may not be goadfuckery, it may very well be terminal stupidity, and thus she/he/it should be treated with compassion.

I'm sure my medication would help baby sleep so win-win

I could sell my breast milk to sleep deprived mothers. That's legal right?

(Best add lighthearted just in case)

also reduces breast, uterine and ovarian cancer risk in a mother

With any luck MNHQ will ban you for that goady shit alone, skerry.

Oh and just to wind you right up, I chose formula from day one. Out of pure fucking laziness. How do you like those apples deary.

I bf but YNBU. We bottle fed ds at first as he had problems latching. It did strike me that through all the ante-natal classes and midwife/health visitor visits no one mentioned how to safely sterelise a bottle or make up a fed. I understand they don't want to promote ff but so many women will ff surely it would make sense.