AIBU to think that professionals shouldn't immediately lecture on 'breast is best' without checking WHY you're not breastfeeding?

[Bellabelloo]

Every single doctor, midwife, health visitor, doctor has given me a disapproving look and lecture on breast being best and asking whether I've given it a proper try etc without actually asking WHY I'm not breastfeeding. When I tell them that I had breast cancer when I was 30 and that I had to have a double mastectomy it shuts them up pretty quickly.

But I do feel really upset by it. I feel guilty that I can't breastfeed. I already feel like less of a woman having had my breasts removed, and now I am being made to feel like less of a mother.

There are many, many reasons why women might not be able to breastfeed and I just think the medical professionals should just ask whether there is a reason a woman has chosen not to breastfeed before judging and lecturing.

That's not unreasonable, is it?

I'm surprised anyone has commented on your choice of feeding method. The only time I have been asked is straight after birth both times. I bottle fed both times and never received any comments negative or positive.

In my second pregnancy I produced not one drop of milk.

Women don't produce milk during pregnancy. How odd to assume that.

I had breast cancer and a mastectomy too but it didnt bother me when breastfeeding was discussed while I was pregnant. I just explained about the cancer and may not be able to and every single person was lovely.

I think they do need to do a good bit to promote breastfeeding as for many people it would never occur to them that it's something they might do. They need to suggest it to people while they are pregnant so they can start considering it. They couldn't avoid discussing it in the fearnof upsetting the small number of people who want to but can't.

Initially when my baby was born I did feel a bit sad that I couldn't breastfeed but I think I was just in the over- emotional early days.

skerry it's quite clear what the poster meant. How odd to obtusely pretend you don't understand.

mouse- yes it's clear- she was trying to express milk while pregnant.

ifyoulikepinacolada - have a grateful blotchy blush from me!

Ok Skerry after the birth of my second child.

You knew what I meant, it was pretty clear what I meant. I was unable to produce milk to feed my child, no milk came out.

Lactation failure is very rare.

Of the thousand or so women I have met who struggled to breastfeed there was only one primary lactation failure, but even she went on to fully breastfeed with help.

I cannot believe that anyone is writing about the benefits of breast feeding on this particular thread. How utterly insensitive.

The op has had a double masectomy. She has had cancer and now she is bringing up a newborn baby feeding her with perfectly nutritious formula and feeling unnecessarily guilty. No one should say anything about the benefits of breast milk on this thread.

I had used the sentence 'in my second pregnancy' to indicate that I didn't experience any of the changes associated with the body preparing itself for feeding a baby.

And your post illustrated my point perfectly. The immediate picking apart of what people are saying, the disbelieving comments and finally someone will probably say that hcps know nothing about breastfeeding and just because they said something doesn't mean they were right.

How on Earth can you extrapolate a universal figure from your personal experience?

The official statistics estimate that somewhere between 1 and 5% of women suffer from primary lactation failure. That you only came across one is irrelevant. As has been pointed out numerous times, infant mortality from malnutrition was not rare by any stretch of the imagination historically. I can assure you that a significant minority of women cannot breastfeed. You have provided absolutely no evidence to counter this.

"Lactation failure is very rare." Yes, Skerry, but it's pretty common in people, like the OP, who have had a double mastectomy for breast cancer.

Milk drying up. What about that? I had a horrendous birth and struggled to bf for two weeks. Delayed shock I think. Couldn't squeeze a drop. Is that a "permitted" reason.

Yanbu OP.

1. 1 - 5% of the population is not rare.

1. Primary lactation is only ONE of a plethora of reasons why women can be (and are) unable to breastfeed. One reason and we've already potentially covered 5% of all mothers.

1. Of these other reasons, a number - e.g. reliance on non-breastfeeding-friendly medication, maternal infection, infant physiological issues - are not rare at all either.

1. Add them all together and you have a fairly significant minority. This is demonstrably the case.

I am failing to see what you cannot grasp here.

No Shakey , I imagine Skerry will be along shortly to tell you that doesn't happen.

Le fucking sigh re all this crap from skerrywind. You are just what we don't need.
There aren't that many things which prevent women breastfeeding

Yeah, there are. I had a breast reduction surgery (no doubt I am an evil vain bitch for that too), though without full nipple detachment. I produced bugger all milk, even with medication, loads of stimulation, and two day long visits to the breastfeeding clinic run by the hospital. Pumping for an hour and a half each side produced half a feed. My son lost so much weight he would have died if I had tried to breast feed exclusively. So I started out cup feeding him to supplement in the hospital, surrounded by posters telling me how bad what I was doing was, and how even one non-breast feed could wreck everything.

And yes, you do produce some colostrum just before your baby is born; it's something they checked for with me. I'd have thought with your ever so comprehensive experience you would know that.

And mouseclogs is awesome.

Congratulations on your baby OP. I'm so sorry about the experience you've had. My good friend had a similar experience at NCT classes where they reluctantly agreed to explain how to make up bottles of formula when she explained that her double mastectomy meant she couldn't breast feed. She was made to feel awful for not being able to breast feed and I think it really affected her. I pointed her in the direction of the Fearless Formula Feeder website which is just brilliant and should make you feel a whole lot better. It helped me when I had to give up breast feeding. Best of luck to you and best wishes. Xx

Strange I had the same surgery as you. I've just realised I hadn't actually mentioned it in my post! But no matter, I have two children and whilst with the first I produced some milk (although not enough to exclusively breastfeed) with the second there was none.

Skerry are you just flat out calling people liers now?

OP, your experiences have been atrocious. I don't see the point in lecturing any woman on breastfeeding once she's already got started with formula, anyway, but in your case it's not just pointless, it's... well, words fail me.

Skerry You're not actually coming across as someone who has any experience of breastfeeding- especially not after the comment about not producing milk during pregnancy. Perhaps a stiff drink of coffee would help.

Congratulations op
I agree this is hurtful and whilst done without malice it feels like a slap.
In the hospital (assuming it is using paper notes)!a written alert can go on your notes that may reduce the number of times you are asked.

Electronically (is that a word) it is easier you can ask for an alert to be put on your notes so that when they 'send' you in on the computer it flashes up, most systems can be programmed to allow the alert to flash up in several place within your electronic notes (it has to be closed before the Practitoner can read/type on your notes so impossible to not read, although have known people to still not read it).

This also applies to User and the smear invites, I would email/write to the practice manager asking for your hysterectomy to be code correctly and/or Open Exeter (nhs database for smear recalls) to be informed you have had a hysterectomy. An alert can be also added to your notes.

Sorry for long post. I get that you tell people the reason and they stop but if the chance is not amended on the system hcp are likely to not have time to check your past problems list if they have only a 10 min appt etc.

I think everyone should take what skerry is saying with a pinch of salt. It is goading all over the forum, just ignore.

There are all kinds of reasons why many women either can't breastfeed - OR - they struggle to do so, to the point that continuing is untenable for them, their baby, and their remaining family. And in light of this, why should they continue?

Breastfeeding - especially getting breastfeeding established - is often very difficult. And I say this as someone who eventually did manage to do it twice, and EBFd two babies for 6 months +.

Before modern medicine, many, many, many women died in childbirth. Many babies died during childbirth. It was par for the course.

In light of this - people routine dying - why would anyone think breastfeeding would be some kind of doddle, that all women just do with ease?

In any case, no matter how women feed their babies - whether breast or bottle - there will be some judgy busy-body popping out of the shrubbery ready to tell them they're WRONG. 🙄 Incredible, when you think about it.

OP -

I'm assuming (and willing to be corrected) that Skerry's line of work is in helping women to breastfeed - implication seems to be this.

What you have failed to account for, Skerry, is the goodly proportion of women unable to breastfeed for whom breastfeeding is a clear impossibility, and who would therefore not bother to seek the services of a lactation specialist/worker. You presumably stand some hope of helping a woman with primary lactation failure but if the woman is on strong medication, has HIV, has no breasts or has a baby that is physically incapable of feeding, she's hardly going to waste your time, is she?