AIBU to think that professionals shouldn't immediately lecture on 'breast is best' without checking WHY you're not breastfeeding?

[Bellabelloo]

Every single doctor, midwife, health visitor, doctor has given me a disapproving look and lecture on breast being best and asking whether I've given it a proper try etc without actually asking WHY I'm not breastfeeding. When I tell them that I had breast cancer when I was 30 and that I had to have a double mastectomy it shuts them up pretty quickly.

But I do feel really upset by it. I feel guilty that I can't breastfeed. I already feel like less of a woman having had my breasts removed, and now I am being made to feel like less of a mother.

There are many, many reasons why women might not be able to breastfeed and I just think the medical professionals should just ask whether there is a reason a woman has chosen not to breastfeed before judging and lecturing.

That's not unreasonable, is it?

Unborn yes I did, neonatal were far more understanding - I guess they also understood that having an ill child was enough to deal with. I was with a male nurse predominantly in neonatal and he was brilliant, really understanding and gentle in his approach.

I had my children a few years apart (and in different cities) and I think this made a difference too as the second experience was much better in general and the message wasn't as relentless.

This thread is brilliant. Some absolutely fantastic posts. Alongside some of the same old drivel from the usual suspects.

I think it's very strange and sad that feeding babies has become such a poisonous topic. It totally clouded my early months with DD and I really regret that. The "breast is best" campaign has backfired massively, in my opinion.

@Ev1lEdna - what a horrible experience for you to go through - at a time that should have been happy and positive. It beggars belief that some people cannot understand the harm their words and actions can cause. It appals me to hear that you were, essentially, ostracised for feeding your baby formula.

It is not enough to say 'Breast is Best' - the support has to be there too - support that is individual and tailored to each mother. And tone matters. If someone is hearing that they have failed as a mother, because they have not breastfed their child, that is wrong and harmful. What they should be hearing is that, if they want to breastfeed, then all the knowledge and support is there for them, easy to access, and that any problems they have will be tackled sensitively.

But if, for whatever reason, they cannot or don't want to breast feed, then the midwives and HVs need to offer support and information on formula feeding too. It is a total cop-out to say that there is plenty of information from the formula manufacturers - that is probably true, but a new mother needs support and information in person, not just from the side of a packet or a website.