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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

344 replies

LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 17:38

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 21:46

Everyones car gets knocked occassionally in a car park, normally by adults - thing is though Lucy, if you freak out and demand an adult get out of the car, you normally get more than you bargained for (although no support for your actions on MN).

And that's what's really happening here isn't it - there are actually some posters on here who simply hate kids and like seeing parents "answer" for giving birth!

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:46

Burningbridges, how about a reward chart???Grin

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 19/02/2017 21:49

How about putting reins on the elderly neighbour?

JayneAusten · 19/02/2017 21:54

I think the passenger was rude to ask and I would have refused. I would have refused whether or not the child had ASD. The fact is, they had to ASK 'Did he bang that?' and there was no mark. There's no bloody way I would get my child out of a car to apologise to or be told off by strangers in a car park. No way on earth.

JassyRadlett · 19/02/2017 22:02

I am just sensing her attitude in her posts. Just mouthing I apologize to get out of the situation without meaning it (obviously!) sounds so fake.

So you're basing it on... nothing?

Oh, sorry, not 'nothing'. Your spidey sense and psychic powers.

witsender · 19/02/2017 22:05

It wasn't even the driver/owner which many here seem to be ignoring.

  • Child opened door without parent. Didn't run off.
  • The OP apologised to the driver.
  • Driver goes to get into car as presumably not bothered/no damage
  • Other woman starts on about getting child out to apologise.

It wasn't even the owner! I wouldn't make my NT 6 yr old apologise under those circumstances.

BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 22:11

I think the EN (elderly neighbour) would not be able to see the reward chart, unless it was the size of a car itself, but I do think she'd go for the reins.

OneWithTheForce · 19/02/2017 22:28

Wow this thread is like an arseholes anonymous meeting! They're all showing up tonight!

OP I would have laughed at her, got in my car and not given her another second's thought. YANBU at all.

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 22:37

I'd just like to say that I was the person who suggested a backpack with reins when the only info the op had given was that her son with sn had run off ahead in a carpark. Had it been clear that 'running ahead' was from the boot to the car door I obviously wouldn't have suggested them.

LonelyTears · 19/02/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Spikeyball · 19/02/2017 23:07

What's your excuse for being an offensive twat?

user1477282676 · 19/02/2017 23:07

Lonely the word imbecile is really not very nice at all.

It's not regarded as PC to say it and I advise that you don't.

OneWithTheForce · 19/02/2017 23:11

There ya go.........you're welcome!

Grin Grin Grin

Do you run workshops? Or how can we access your parenting genius?

Corialanusburt · 19/02/2017 23:15

It's nothing to do with the little boy. I can't believe you let a 6 yr old run ahead, albeit not very far, in a busy car park, fling open a door, smack it against another car and think nothing of it until the other person mentions it.
It was odd she thought your little boy should have apologised, but you should have.

kali110 · 19/02/2017 23:16

Although i don't know if the word imbecile is offensive, the rest of yoyr post loney wtf Hmm are you serious?

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 23:18

Lonely it would be poor parenting to make a child apologise for a parents small mistake. The op had already apologised. It could be very upsetting for a child with autism to have to converse with a stranger.
And I love 'he wouldn't bloody do it again' as if having any child apologise for something is a 100% guarantee that they won't do it again. I think the op making sure she opens the door in future is a better way to ensure it doesn't happen again tbh.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 23:20

LonelyTears, i wonder how long your appalling post will last? Why are you getting off on insulting the disabled? Your parents must be proud of you.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 19/02/2017 23:20

It's nothing to do with the little boy. I can't believe you let a 6 yr old run ahead, albeit not very far, in a busy car park, fling open a door, smack it against another car and think nothing of it until the other person mentions it.

I can't believe your reading comprehension skills are so poor, but there we are. An evening of disbelief all round.

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 23:21

I also don't think accidentally bumping a car door when you're 6 is naughty. Careless maybe but not naughty.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 23:21

Corialanusburt

Please, please, read the fucking thread. I apologised. I have said that, repeatedly.

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 23:22

The longer the thread goes on op the more people you will get saying you should have apologised. I would edit the op if I were you.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 23:22

Fuck me, this thread just keeps on giving, doesnt it? At least the twats of the world are here, and not out nicking wheelchirs or whatever they usually do on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 23:23

I cant be arsed, bumsex, it just demonstrates the low level of thinky tonight.

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 19/02/2017 23:25

Thinky?Confused

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 23:26

Lonelytears, im aware im feeding the troll, but giving you the benefit if the doubt, do you honestly honestly think that kids with autism just need to be made to apologise

OP posts:
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