Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

344 replies

LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 17:38

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 19/02/2017 21:17

Oh yes, sorry, I just read further down that you apologised, that is fine, she should have accepted that and moved on.

supermoon100 · 19/02/2017 21:17

People who get upset about their cars being touched by car doors in over crowded car parks need to get a frigging life and then go and live on a desert island where they won't come into contact with other human beings. Yanbu, that woman was a dumbass

conserveisposhforjam · 19/02/2017 21:18

I can't believe anyone would demand a six year old get out of a car to apologise and I think in real life most would be hesitant to do so, I'd think someone was a fucking fruit cake demanding that and I wouldn't let my child anywhere near them.

This.

User1483300717 · 19/02/2017 21:21

Also agree with conserveisposhforjam.

F1ipFlopFrus · 19/02/2017 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spikeyball · 19/02/2017 21:23

Starry, I would be astonished if you could make mine apologise since he can't speak. Do you have amazing powers or are you just a twat?

moongirl123 · 19/02/2017 21:23

OP apologized and yet she doesn't sound like she's truly sorry. And please, autism or not, watch over your child!

JassyRadlett · 19/02/2017 21:25

OP apologized and yet she doesn't sound like she's truly sorry

Based on what, exactly?

BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 21:26

Jesus H he's 6!! Wanting him to get out of the car and apologise?! What an aggressive hateful woman.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:26

I was sorry he bumped the car. I had left the door unlocked so ordinarily it wouldnt have happened anyway (and Im repeating myself) and I apologised for that but im not sorry for refusing to get him out of the car again. Moongirl123 does that clear it up?

OP posts:
Asparagusupmynose · 19/02/2017 21:27

Moongirl123-her small child hit a car with a door, causing no damage. She apologized! She didn't start the war in Syria, we don't need a video of her weeping about how sorry she is!

LouKout · 19/02/2017 21:28

I would give up on this thread as clearly it's been hijacked by wankers for whatever reason.

Obviously YANBU

BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 21:29

My elderly neighbour is not used to travelling in cars as she is (a) very elderly and (b) her family never had a car. We parked up in my car she was in the front passenger seat, she simply opened the door to get out and the passenger door knocked the car next to us. No one said anything but I did apologise and explain to the driver afterwards, who said hey no worries. Like any normal person would.

Alternatively she could have demand the old girl give an apology or even got her in an arm lock across the bonnet (why not eh? Surely she deserved it?) but as the other driver was not a fuck wit, she said "no worries".

SauvignonBlanche · 19/02/2017 21:30

Maybe the OP needs to post a self-flagellation video? Hmm

moongirl123 · 19/02/2017 21:33

I am just sensing her attitude in her posts. Just mouthing I apologize to get out of the situation without meaning it (obviously!) sounds so fake.

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 19/02/2017 21:34

Evening folks.

We've had a fair few reports on this thread so just wanted to stop by with a reminder of our policy on disablism.

While we are aware the OP has asked if she was being unreasonable so is presumably happy to hear opinions on both sides of the coin, we would just like people to think carefully about the way in which they post about children who have special needs.

We prefer to think, for example, of autism as perhaps being a 'reason' for certain actions rather than 'an excuse', which makes it sound like it isn't valid.

We have lots of parents of children with special needs posting on the boards, as well as people with SN themselves, so we just think it benefits everyone to think carefully and post in a way that is inclusive and understanding.

Thanks!

allcatsaregrey · 19/02/2017 21:35

*Having autism doesn't mean they can't say sorry for bashing your car and I agree with a PP when they said it seems to be used as an excuse for everything nowadays.

Aye good luck with that. My autistic child is non verbal and wouldn't understand that he had done something wrong. my other autistic child would be that overcome with anxiety that she would just clam up and there's no way she would be able to apologise.

Op, you apologised on his behalf and that should have been enough.

2tiredtothinkofausername · 19/02/2017 21:35

Oh dear what nutty responses.

YANBU. You apologised, the car wasn't damaged. I'm sincerely hoping I never park near some of the people on this thread!

BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 21:36

I really want to know how the posters who are slagging off the OP would have dealt with my elderly neighbour situation? The elderly lady and the child, same position, different reasons, should they both have been humiliated? Punished in some way?

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:39

Burning bridges, the thing is that with the elderly, the damage is done, but with children, their disabilities can be parented out of them. Obviously.

OP posts:
Lucy7400 · 19/02/2017 21:39

Oh here we go! The smug mummies of MN coming to tell you off. Go screw yourselves with your indignant calls of "supervise your chilld. My Tarrquin would never do such a thing". The op explained what happened, ok in an ideal world the 6 year old should n't have opened the door but he did. No damage. The stupid cow in the car park needs to take a fecking chill pill. Everyones car gets knocked occassionally in a car park, normally by adults. In fact, I bet all of us have done it by accident at one point. Op, you handled it well. Its not a biggie and the woman and some of the uptight smug arses on here need to get over themselves.

YouTheCat · 19/02/2017 21:39

Moongirl, why are you projecting such utter shit?

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:40

Lucy7400Flowers

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 19/02/2017 21:42

Lion I could train my elderly neighbour with treats? A nice cup of tea if she manages to get in and out of the car, withhold the cake if not? Or as I say just go straight for the arm lock over the bonnet Wink

queenofshihtzus · 19/02/2017 21:44

Some of the comments here are outrageous - expecting a young child with ASD to apologise for not causing damage!

My DS has ASD. He's is crippled with anxiety. It is an disability, not an excuse FFS!

Swipe left for the next trending thread