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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

344 replies

LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 17:38

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

OP posts:
Lalala7 · 19/02/2017 20:12

I trust that although you do not spell it out you apologised as you checked there was no damage and declined "politely" to put your child on the spot explaining further reasons why. I am uncomfortable with the punitive judgmental tone apparent on this thread: however excellent parenting one provides, children do sometimes unbelievably escape (esp. when negotiating several and a trolley)...cue the number of small kids ran over in similar numbers for the past 50 years right in front of attentive parents.
Then for the moral high ground authorities I would recommend they volunteer with Barnardos to support parents with autistic children...

JassyRadlett · 19/02/2017 20:14

I trust that although you do not spell it out you apologised

weeps

Thinnestofthinice · 19/02/2017 20:22

The phrase my child is not angel... suggests she isn't Grin I can honestly say she has never nearly dinted another car though.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 20:26

Brilliant Thinnest, have a Star

But funnily enough, despite your best efforts at projection and embellishment, this thread isnt about you.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/02/2017 20:33

Hi! Is this the right thread for righteous indignation and thinly veiled disablism? Is this also the thread for people who can't read the OP's posts and then invent things in their heads? Hmm

OP, you apologised. You had a momentary lapse in concentration, as could happen to anyone. Other driver's friend is a massive twat.

JassyRadlett · 19/02/2017 20:34

Cat, it's also got a good sideline going in 'total lack of proportion'.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 20:34

YouTheCat I love you. I really do.

OP posts:
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 19/02/2017 20:35

If anyone insisted I forced my child to get out of the car to apologise after I'd apologised I'd have told her to fuck off.
^this.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2017 20:35

Lalala "I trust that although you do not spell it out you apologised"

The Op did spell it out in an update that she apologuised.

PandorasAlmightyBox · 19/02/2017 20:36

OP I don't think you were being unreasonable at all in the first instance.
There is no way I would have dragged my autistic child out of the car to apologise as this seemed that the bully woman wanted some kind of gratification from this and from what you have said, it is unlikely in my mind that she would have taken this graciously and would have caused upset and meltdown for the child. I would have did as you, and spoken to him about it at home.

I would have explained this and offered apologies to the owner of the car, not her friend. Her friend would have probably got told to fuck right off for her tone as it was nothing to do with her, but she stuck her oar in to try and escalate the situation

I think you need to realise that by posting on AIBU you are ASKING for peoples opinions, but unless everyone agrees with you, you are arguing with them. Everyone is entitled stop trying to GCSE level psychoanalyze everyone who doesn't agree with you - maybe they have a point? and if you don't agree or like what they have to say, remember you ASKED for points of view

WanderLustingLane · 19/02/2017 20:36

Op I'm really surprised at the comments you are receiving
It happened, there was so damage, you apologize and explain the situation
I can't believe anyone would demand a six year old get out of a car to apologise and I think in real life most would be hesitant to do so, I'd think someone was a fucking fruit cake demanding that and I wouldn't let my child anywhere near them.

treaclesoda · 19/02/2017 20:41

Car door threads always bring out the blind rage in people Confused I don't like anyone damaging my car either, and I look after it well. But accidents happen even to the most polite and considerate of people. Even the strictest of parents can have a tiny hand slip out of theirs and escape.

Lalala7 · 19/02/2017 20:46

Aahh my apologies if I wasn't clear :) I mean completely literally "I trust that etc", as in "I personally am completely certain that you did, even though your initial post did not write out the exact words 'I apologized''! ...was giving the punitive comments the benefit of the doubt that perhaps this obvious point had been missed (and no hadn't read the subsequent post)...

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 20:47

No wories lalala7Grin

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 19/02/2017 20:53

You should supervise your child more closely to prevent things like that, but life isn't always that simple and accidents happen.
You apologised and there was no damage done so no big deal.
No-one else has the right to demand your child apologises or to tell you what you should do with your child.

Either your child is autistic or they are not, there is no form of autism that is not autistic - however, that is irrelevant to the situation.

Trifleorbust · 19/02/2017 20:57

She was a ridiculous woman. You are responsible for your child so the apology from you should suffice.

StarryIllusion · 19/02/2017 21:01

This reply has been deleted

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StarryIllusion · 19/02/2017 21:04

And since when is apologising for an accidental bump a humiliation? If I hit someone's door and say Sorry, how is that humiliating? Asking a child to "get out and say sorry to the lady, you bumped her car." isn't going to humiliate him ffs.

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 21:04

Oh dear....

user1477282676 · 19/02/2017 21:05

OP don't think about it any more. It was a mistake, someone was a bit shitty.

I would take from this that your DS will need more careful attention in car parks though. What if he ran in front of another car as it moved?

Hold his hand.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:11

Starryillussion are you aware of how ignorant and offensive your post is? I imagine you are.

OP posts:
Original poster
LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 21:12

Having autism doesn't mean they can't say sorry for bashing your car and I agree with a PP when they said it seems to be used as an excuse for everything nowadays.

That's a special kind of disablism. Sad Truly disgusting.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/02/2017 21:13

I'd love someone to come along and make my son who has autism apologise for something.

The fact that he is completely non-verbal is obviously just me using autism as an excuse for his behaviour. Hmm

Walk a mile in the shoes of someone with autism, or a parent of someone with autism.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/02/2017 21:14

You should have apologised, why diden't you!

YouTheCat · 19/02/2017 21:16

Aeroflot, are you being ironic or obtuse?