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Original poster

Being instructed to smile

170 replies

UncooperativeWoman · 19/02/2017 13:44

Trying to decide whether to have a word with the manager, when I'm next there, and whether he'll even understand:

In a local chain shop this weekend (obvious from my name change), at the checkout, no-one else around us. I was being perfectly polite and normal, said 'hello', 'yes I think I will buy a bag' etc etc.

The checkout guy starts commenting, "you're not smiling".
I just say 'uh huh' or something.
"You were smiling before, but now you aren't smiling".
"Right".
"Oh, I see, you aren't smiling now because its time to pay".

I thought he might have gauged by now that I'm really not going to join in a conversation about my perceived lack of outwardly displayed joy. I'm poised with my card at the reader, waiting for the 'swipe your card' command. I looked up to see if there was a problem, and the checkout guy brings his hand up, puts a finger at each corner of his mouth, and gestures pushing up into a smile shape. Then he let me pay.

It's the last bit that really annoys me; this pausing in the transaction, so he could instruct me to smile, even though I clearly didn't want to engage in this.

If a male customer refused to hand over his payment card until a woman cashier smiled for him, everyone would think he was a prick, right? This is the same type of thing isn't it?

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/02/2017 18:37

Arsehole.

Complain. You should be able to feel comfortable in your local shop. Cashiers should not be driving customers away, and there really isn't any justification for his behaviour. And no, it doesn't happen to men as much or in the same way.

ButtonMooooon · 19/02/2017 19:08

I had something similar to this in Iceland last week. I was rushing and I could see the only twat man serving having some banter with the two woman he was serving and I was immediately wound up at them holding me up. I also had PMT. I couldn't trust myself so was looking at my phone and he started dicking about with the conveyor belt to bring the items of the person behind me closer even though he hadn't moved my items yet. The guy behind got a next customer thingamy and I did think oh I thought I had put one there. The twat man said to the man behind oh didn't she put one there, then picked one up and pretended he was going to hit me with it and said next time use this. I just looked at him, he finally put my things through and I looked at the conveyor belt and realised I had put the next Customer thing behind one of my items by mistake. I said oh that's mine and then he said to the bloke behind me oh she did use one but didn't even put it in the right place. By this time I was fuming internally and said can I just pay please. The whole time he was cracking up laughing thinking he was hilarious. If I hadn't been in a rush I would definitely have complained. He was a massive

Being instructed to smile
ButtonMooooon · 19/02/2017 19:08

That was very cathartic haha sorry for rambling!!

emilybrontescorset · 19/02/2017 19:27

I bought a few items from a shop yesterday.
I was served by a young man who proceeded to tell me how many days he worked in the shop, for no apparent reason whatsoever.
As I was paying for my things he nodded towards the Pringles I had bought and asked if I would be staying in that night. When I didn't answer he asked if I would be watching a film whilst eating said Pringles and maybe having a glass of wine.
I had dd2 with me and felt embarrassed. He looked at me waiting for an answer so I replied 'no I'll be decorating!'
Enjoy your Pringles and your decorating then he said.
All very bizzare and far too familiar.
I told dp and be said the man was definitely flirting and it was not normal behaviour.

GabsAlot · 19/02/2017 19:59

i would email in op -he at least needs re training -if u dont want to talk smile or anything else thats your prerogative

noone know whats happeneing in someone elses life

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 20:08

Some total bollocks here about people saying this to men. No they fucking don't, it's a thing men feel entitled to say to women.
Ah the 'total bollocks' response to someone reporting something that has actually happened (repeatedly) to a family member. Silly me, of course I'm mistaken Hmm

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 20:11

this is because you are a woman and it is everyday sexism
Or maybe it's just that half the women on MN are miserable sods who walk around scowling and looking for something to take offence at?! Grin

venusinscorpio · 19/02/2017 20:25

I said people, I meant men. Men don't instruct other men to smile. And it's not the same dynamic when women do it to men, although I appreciate it's obnoxious on the occasions it happens.

brasty · 19/02/2017 20:40

kayt07 what context do women say this to the man you know?

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 20:46

brasty In the food department of a 'well-known High Street store' - frequently. He's well-known to the female (possibly male too, but definitely female) staff who joke about him being a miserable sod, tell him to cheer up & sympathise with my mother (he's my dad). It's not that he walks around scowling, he just has a non-cheerful, blank sort of expression (like me, I get it too at times, from both sexes). As far as I'm concerned it's one of those inane, pass the time, sort of fairly crap but nothing personal expressions that people come out with from time to time. Like commenting on the weather only not requiring an answer.

brasty · 19/02/2017 20:51

Okay, so it is not a stranger doing this. That is a different dynamic.

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 20:56

The women saying it are strangers, all be it ones who see him regularly now. But they don't actually know him - he doesn't interact with them as such. It's just that they've commented so often that they now say things to my mum too (like asking how she puts up with him!)

DameDeDoubtance · 19/02/2017 21:12

That's right Katy, women are miserable and need to be harassed into smiling. Silly me, forget it was my job to look smiley and happy all the time...

venusinscorpio · 19/02/2017 21:18

Compare that dynamic to what was said to the OP. The ridiculous action of pretending to make a smile with your fingers, not allowing her to complete her transaction until he had done that. That is not banter. It is controlling. It is trying to make someone uncomfortable. It's really not like "commenting on the weather."

MagicMarkers · 19/02/2017 21:25

This is quite funny...

Trills · 19/02/2017 21:38

A RANDOM MAN HAS LIFE ADVICE! :o

mysteriouscurle · 19/02/2017 22:03

I used to get this a lot when I was younger and probably prettierGrin never heard it for years thank goodness. It always used to make me uncomfortable but I ciuldnt articulate why. I guess I was uncomfortable because I was being made to feel that I was in the wrong. There are benefits to being oldGrin

mysteriouscurle · 19/02/2017 22:04

Should have said never as bad as what the op has described.

SundialShadow · 19/02/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GameofPhones · 19/02/2017 22:10

Also in a West Yorks Coop - the security man always chatted to me, got progressively more familiar, asking me where I live, etc. Finally chucked me under the chin. I've never been back. Anyway an Aldi has just opened up down the road. I go there instead Grin. Pity though, as I would have liked to support the Coop. I hope some Coop people are reading this thread. 'Friendly' does not mean 'overfamiliar', 'cheeky' or 'sexist'.

Jayfee · 20/02/2017 17:43

Rather than complain can't you go back in to the same cashier and annoy him some way?

Realitea · 20/02/2017 17:49

I'm wondering if that's my local chain store too as I have had some strange encounters with the staff there.
One assistant said to a customer 'I may look cheerful but I can assure you, I'm hiding behind the tears'!
Poor bloke! The old lady being served was quite confused.

MCMLXVII · 20/02/2017 17:56

Any chance he was trying to chat you up OP?

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 20/02/2017 17:57

This makes me mad. I have had this all my life. I'm painfully shy and very aware that I have a naturally grumpy face (RBF my son says it's called now Blush) and people all through my childhood said 'cheer up' and 'might never happen'. Latest one was the guy at the dump. I was emptying bags of dogshit and grass from my car and he pipes up' smile love, it won't kill you'. I never said anything but in my head I'm screaming 'fuck off!!!!' Hate it. Makes me cry and I'm actually very happy usually. Bloody heartbreaking!

Blueflowers2011 · 20/02/2017 18:01

This REALLY annoys me, why do people think they can say this crap.

Something similar happened in my local Sainsburys, they said 'are you not happy because you are tired? You look SO tired' as I had 2 young kids causing havoc in there. I stared at them and didnt respond, then they said 'you're not smiling much today are you?'.

I friggin' lost it and told them to hurry up and mind their own , they were slowing me down, f'ing idiots.

Too right, complain, I did by email to main head office. They have to acknowledge everything by email and you have it on record.

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