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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being instructed to smile

170 replies

UncooperativeWoman · 19/02/2017 13:44

Trying to decide whether to have a word with the manager, when I'm next there, and whether he'll even understand:

In a local chain shop this weekend (obvious from my name change), at the checkout, no-one else around us. I was being perfectly polite and normal, said 'hello', 'yes I think I will buy a bag' etc etc.

The checkout guy starts commenting, "you're not smiling".
I just say 'uh huh' or something.
"You were smiling before, but now you aren't smiling".
"Right".
"Oh, I see, you aren't smiling now because its time to pay".

I thought he might have gauged by now that I'm really not going to join in a conversation about my perceived lack of outwardly displayed joy. I'm poised with my card at the reader, waiting for the 'swipe your card' command. I looked up to see if there was a problem, and the checkout guy brings his hand up, puts a finger at each corner of his mouth, and gestures pushing up into a smile shape. Then he let me pay.

It's the last bit that really annoys me; this pausing in the transaction, so he could instruct me to smile, even though I clearly didn't want to engage in this.

If a male customer refused to hand over his payment card until a woman cashier smiled for him, everyone would think he was a prick, right? This is the same type of thing isn't it?

OP posts:
Somerville · 19/02/2017 14:15

Very little fucks me off faster than being told to smile. YANBU and I too would put in a complaint.

HateSummer · 19/02/2017 14:16

Our local ones are a proper moody bunch. They don't even say hello. Love it.

I'd complain to the manager about this idiot. How rude.

PageStillNotFound404 · 19/02/2017 14:18

I wouldn't complain because he's probably been instructed to be nice to the customers and that was his attempt.

Then all the more reason to complain because even supposing this is true, nagging a customer and interrupting the payment transaction to reinforce their nagging with a bizarre mime is not, by any definition, "being nice". I doubt for one second that any company's instructions to employees regarding customer service excellence include "keep bothering the customer about the fact they're not smiling". His manager needs to be given the opportunity to correct any misunderstanding he might have about what constitutes good customer service before he starts to affect sales through his inappropriate behaviour.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 19/02/2017 14:19

Tbh if it was just the comments I'd have just laughed but the smiling gesture was a bit much. I'm not sure I'd complain about it though. I work in retail and I've seen how complaints can affect staff. I'm a manager and my sales assistant once had a complaint from a customer who was refused access to our staff toilet. It was for a toddler but she was following procedure (and pointed out the public toilets in the shop next door) but the customer carried on browsing the shop until the toddler wet herself. She proceed to give my SA a barrage of abuse and complained to head office. My SA was really upset for weeks and it really knocked her confidence.

I'd just write him off as a bit of a dick.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2017 14:19

Bloody hell, that's not just annoying, that's creepy. Please complain

knackeredinyorkshire · 19/02/2017 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mynestisfullofempty · 19/02/2017 14:24

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox the example you gave was very different. In the OP's case this man was not doing the right things and therefore a complaint is warranted.

Timetogetup0630 · 19/02/2017 14:25

Have posted this before but it still hurts

Once a complete stranger came up to me and said
"cheer up love, it might never happen...."
a week after my baby son had died following complex surgery

Fuck the fucking fuck off....

ExplodedCloud · 19/02/2017 14:26

Annoys the fuck out of me. We had a new manager at work who did this to me. It was 5pm on a busy day, stuff was going on in my life and I was head down in a non customer facing office trying to concentrate on an urgent bit of complicated work. I'll be surprised if he ever does it to anyone else ever. Now that does make me Grin

PageStillNotFound404 · 19/02/2017 14:27

PutTheBunny but your colleague was following shop policy and so the complaint was unwarranted (at least against the individual; it would be for you/HO to decide whether the policy needed to be amended). I very much doubt behaving like this towards a customer is part of any company's policy, nor would most employers be happy to think this is the image of their company being presented by their staff.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 19/02/2017 14:27

Ah, but you're a woman!

It's your job to smile and look pretty for the big, important man.

Learn your place, dammit!

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 14:31

They never instruct other men to smile
Female cashiers do...

brasty · 19/02/2017 14:35

Really? I have never heard of female cashiers doing that.

SusieOwl4 · 19/02/2017 14:36

Because the shop is quite obvious and because of their brilliant inclusive employment criteria are you sure it was not because the cashier was special needs?

Westfacing · 19/02/2017 14:40

He would never had done that to a male customer. Angry

Reminds me of when I was coming out of Guy's Hospital after attending a course - a passing idiot said 'cheer-up luv, it might never happen'. WTF!! No matter the expression of my tired miserable face - he had no right to say that . What if my child/husband had just died or been told I had a terminal illness?

People can be just so stupid!

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2017 14:41

Timetogetup0630 I'm so sorry that happened to you. Someone said the same to me on the day my mum died. I didn't say anything to him and wasn't even particularly angry in the scheme of things, because I had more important things to think about.

But you're the kind of fuckwit who says: 'smile, love; it may never happen' enough times, chances are it will have done.

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 14:42

Really? I have never heard of female cashiers doing that.
They do it to my dad a lot if he's on his own. Does them no good. He has a reputation in one shop for being a miserable sod - the women sympathise with my mum Grin

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 19/02/2017 14:42

Mynestisfullofempty PageStillNotFound404
I get it's not the same thing, and yes she was following procedure but she still got a talking to from ho. I was just trying to point out how complaints can have an effect on staff. If an incident is serious enough of course you should complain (i would and have) but I don't think this is one of those times. Yes he was a bit of a dick but surely it was more Confused than Shock

Maybe it's because I work in retail but I think people complain at the drop of a hat nowadays and rarely contact ho to say something nice.

My advice would be if it upset you that much then complain to the manager and keep it within the shop. Complaining to ho makes it a lot bigger and messier.

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 14:43

Besides, in the grand scheme of things does it really matter? If we complained every time someone annoyed us we'd be permanently moaning. Just take a deep breath and let it go.

kaitlinktm · 19/02/2017 14:45

Not quite the same thing I know but I am now NC with a relative who used to always end her phone calls or conversations with "keep smiling" in her inane babyish voice. WHY is it so enraging to be instructed to smile?

(That's not why we are NC, but it's a massive plus.)

Autumntactics · 19/02/2017 14:45

I generally ask men if they would say / do that to a man when I think a man is being sexist, though once I was being verbally abused by a man and I said it and he replied that if I was a man he would have punched me! I just replied "You've got anger management issues then mate" and fortunately he left me alone. Other times it's worked though! YANBU.

MsFloraPoste · 19/02/2017 14:45

I'd be interested to know if anyone has ever heard a woman telling a man to smile. Or a man telling another man.

Time I am very sorry for your loss. This is the very worst thing about this behaviour; someone could be on the receiving end who has just suffered a real tragedy and has every reason not to be smiling.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2017 14:46

are you sure it was not because the cashier was special needs?

Nice try. But I believe the correct form of words when trying to express sympathy towards someone you believe to have difficulty in interacting with NT people is: 'are you sure the cashier didn't have special needs?'

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 19/02/2017 14:46

Katy07
I agree.

Dothehokeykokey · 19/02/2017 14:46

"Has any man ever had this said to him? Ever?"

Yes. By men and woman which hopefully goes to show there is no reason to think it's anything to do with women being expected to smile and look pretty, it's just an expression people use to other people who look a bit miserable.

Not saying it's right as we never know what someone else is dealing with, but to make out only men say it to women because women are meant to look nice is just ludicrous