Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To think some people are just crap hosts?

158 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 19/02/2017 12:50

DP and I went to a really rubbish party last night. They are not really good friends of ours but DP used to work with the bloke and we occasionally join them for the odd pub quiz. Anyway, they got engaged recently and last night was the party. I'll call them Mike and Liz.

The invite stated it was catered as not to worry about bringing anything as there'd be plenty of prossecco and canapés.

We got there at 8, and it was already in full swing by that time. The room was quite awkwardly L-shaped and the volume of people meant you couldn't really get round to where the back bit was. We weren't offered any drink and presumed they'd already run dry, but could see round the corner that there were in fact buckets of fizz being 'hidden' in various places by the group surrounding the happy couple. They were popping them under tables or sliding them under chairs with a foot, or just picking up the bottles coming out of the kitchen but only topping up their friend's drinks then emptying the bottle.

We managed to greet Mike but Liz didn't move from her little spot down the end the whole time we were there, didn't circulate with any other guests at all. Canapés came out but remained down the end of the room and were not passed up and they were demolished pretty quickly. More bottles appeared and they were just grabbed before any of it could be shared.

Anyway, we had nothing to drink, nothing to eat and had trekked across town to stand on the fringes of a room to be only slightly acknowledged by one half of a couple, so we left after half an hour to go home and order a pizza.

I was always taught that if you're going to throw a party, you make an effort to talk to everyone, and I think it's bloody rude to create some sort of heirarchy about who gets to be furnished with a drink and who doesn't! AIBU to think some people are just really shite at hosting?

OP posts:

Original poster

MadHattersWineParty · 19/02/2017 21:42

Possibly Besthingever if I was to give them the benefit of the doubt

OP posts:

Original poster

MadHattersWineParty · 19/02/2017 21:48

I didn't want small talk. And as it was already catered and trays and bottles at the ready (at the other end of the house and not making their way past the group directly in front of the kitchen) there was no cheese sauce to whisk. And there were two hosts. And all the people they spent all their time talking to had been there a good while already.

OP posts:

BToperator · 19/02/2017 22:01

Whispers, as I said, DH likes hosting parties, so what would you suggest I do, ban him from doing something he enjoys, or just go out when he wants to have a party? Luckily our friends are more forgiving than you, and don't seem to mind my lack of hosting skills.

Annie, thanks, don't worry, I am not as wet as I probably made myself sound, just not very good at being sociable.

Bestthingever · 19/02/2017 23:06

Just read your post written at 18.04. You are absolutely right. If you have specifically told guests not to bring their own drinks then it is your responsibility to fetch them! Also as you said if you have mixed groups who don't know each other, the onus is on you to mingle.

Original poster

MadHattersWineParty · 20/02/2017 08:19

Thanks Besthingever, exactly- and if you want a 'let guests get on with it approach' you need to make it clear where the food/drink is, make it accessible, and not let your closest friends just hog it.

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 20/02/2017 15:20

Hah! I think Oblomov17 and I have the same approach to this sort of party. We'd probably be boozing it up and scoffing canapés while poor OP hovers in the door feeling parched.

Next time look out for some bolshy types to elbow their way on with you.

Tillypup2013 · 20/02/2017 15:24

YANBU - so utterly rude. If you host a party, you should make the effort to be a good host - that means mingling, introducing people and gnerally making sure a good time is had by all. How dreadful..

MargaretCavendish · 20/02/2017 15:49

I think it was pretty rude of you not to make a point of going over to say hello (and congratulations - it was an engagement party!) to your hosts - but let's face it, you're not really open to being told anything other than they were crap and you're amazing, are you?

PotatoField · 20/02/2017 16:02

If this has been your whole night or a few hours then YANBU but you waiting 30mins? Seriously? YABVU!

From hosting an engagement party, wedding and birthdays I always find it so hard to get round everyone and to greet people because everyone wants to talk to you. That is very hard to get away from.
Also It's not the hostess fault that people were hogging the food and drink, maybe if you waited a bit longer there would be more brought out to your end of the room.

You didn’t give the party a chance.

Original poster

MadHattersWineParty · 20/02/2017 16:07

Well I think it's a bit crap not to make your guests feel welcome Margaret. I certainly don't think I'm amazing but wouldn't ignore anyone turning up to a party I decided to throw to just sit around drink with my closest mates. Your last comment sounds a bit nasty actually.

I'd also like to point out that we came bearing a card, and a gift, and obviously says congratulations to the host we did get to talk to. I have already said that, a bit too far upthread perhaps

And yes, maybe we should have given it slightly more time, on balance. I don't know about you, though, but a party where the food and drink is seemingly inaccessible to everyone but a chosen few and the hosts being fine with that- not my idea of a good time.

OP posts:

Katedotness1963 · 20/02/2017 16:11

We went to a barbecue, brought beer, wine, cake and a fruit salad. The hosts loaded up the grill with supermarket frozen sausages and burgers. Once we'd eaten they brought out steaks and prawn skewers and had their lunch...

gandalf456 · 20/02/2017 16:21

I'm happy to be at a help your self party but they should have made an effort to get you drinks and food initially then told you where they were and to help yourself

Frillyhorseyknickers · 20/02/2017 16:25

I wonder how many of those saying yanbu have ever hosted a party of more than about 30 guests, as it sounds like this one was.

Staff? Seriously - if you can't circulate and look after your guests (and I'm guilty - I'm rubbish at making sure everyone is fed and watered with more than 20guests) get hired help. It is not acceptable to invite people to a party and have them stuck in a corner with nothing to eat or drink.

To the people who wouldn't dream of turning up empty handed - well neither would I, but similarly, I would never crack open a bottle of "present" fizz if the host didn't offer me a bevvy. What's the OP meant to do, stand in the corner with her DH supping her bottle of Bolly from the bottle?!

Bestthingever · 20/02/2017 17:37

Kate that's unbelievable. Surely they aren't still your friends after that?

Katedotness1963 · 20/02/2017 17:43

Kind of hard not to be friends, it was my brother and sister-in-law.

emma2468 · 20/02/2017 17:44

I'm a rubbish host therefore I do not entertain. Seems odd to have a party but not at least lay it out so drink/food was available and accessible. Who was serving the canapés? If an independent caterer they should have ensured they went round all the guests evenly!

Bestthingever · 20/02/2017 17:47

Kate

katenins · 20/02/2017 18:06

Doesn't sound particularly friendly although I would have pushed through for the booze at least! On the pretence of saying hello to Liz of course.....'Coming through!

pollymere · 20/02/2017 18:09

Engagement parties tend to be an enforced thing rather than a voluntary party. I suspect that Liz just clung to her own friends. However, it strikes me that it was the friends who were at fault and not the hosts. Maybe only accept invites for smaller parties or dinner in future?

user1484578224 · 20/02/2017 18:13

so what was Liz offering? no drink , no food, no introductions, no conversation. crap

user1485780296 · 20/02/2017 18:14

I feel a bit torn on this one. I have had parties before where we have circulated with bottles and food as well as leaving the same out for people to help themselves too because you can't possibly hand everything round at once.Also it's so hard to get round to everyone to chat to. You end up getting stuck with people who just chat on and on despite knowing you're the host and you have others to talk too and then unless you are really on it you end up getting caught again with someone else for another 30 minutes. At my 40th my main aim
was to dance a lot to the band I hired but I hardly left the bar area as I ended up chatting and I still didn't feel I had a proper chat with anyone and that upset me as some had travelled. However a lot of my friends when I apologised just said not to worry as it's always the case when you're the host. It wasn't their fault people were hiding booze and probably didn't foresee at the time that the shape of their house or where they put the booze and food could be a problem! I'm sure they would be gutted to hear you didn't have a good time as it's a lot of pressure putting on a party. You do need to make an effort though and not expect to be waited on. I always make an effort to chat to people and help myself to food etc when I'm
at a party as I know how much work has probably gone into it. I know I enjoy parties much more as a guest than as a host! X

user1485780296 · 20/02/2017 18:16

Ps I always make sure as a host that when I'm trying to move on from a guest that I introduce them to someone else.

puttingthegenieback · 20/02/2017 18:19

I went to a similar party recently, OP (it was a birthday party, not an engagement party). The invite specified "no gifts", so I had made the point of giving the hostess a birthday gift on a separate occasion - in fact, at a birthday lunch for her that I hosted with another friend.... Anyway, the party was at an "event space" that was so jammed we could barely move, we had to wedge our way through the crowd to find a drink, and although the party started at 7pm, there was no food in sight - although I did at one point spy someone across the room holding a small plate of something. Our host said hello and then we never saw him for the rest of the evening, and the hostess/birthday girl never approached us at all - we finally located her in order to wish her happy birthday, which she barely acknowledged. She was too busy all evening, you see, chatting and drinking with her favoured friends. So - rather similar to your situation. A group of us finally left around 10pm to find something to eat at a nearby restaurant. It was really disappointing.

highinthesky · 20/02/2017 18:20

I've had a similar experience at a wedding. Small room, over-stuffed, not enough covers and not enough food. I was a plus one and shouldn't have been invited really, left after 1/2 hour and wishing the couple all the best.

No excuse for it, they were both loaded but had no organisational skills.

Bluntness100 · 20/02/2017 18:26

I think you're being quite harsh actually, as said you only stayed 30 mins so you have no clue how long Liz sat with her mates for, and in addition mike did make his way over to you to say hi, so it's obvious if you'd made an effort you could have made your way over there. You're focus seemed to have been on who was eating and drinking what and as no one was offering you any you left. Going over, saying hi and getting yourself a drink would have been better,

I'm fairly sure apart from the close friends round Liz that the rest of the guests weren't standing thirsty and hungry staring at them the same way.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread