To think some people are just crap hosts?

[MadHattersWineParty]

DP and I went to a really rubbish party last night. They are not really good friends of ours but DP used to work with the bloke and we occasionally join them for the odd pub quiz. Anyway, they got engaged recently and last night was the party. I'll call them Mike and Liz.

The invite stated it was catered as not to worry about bringing anything as there'd be plenty of prossecco and canapés.

We got there at 8, and it was already in full swing by that time. The room was quite awkwardly L-shaped and the volume of people meant you couldn't really get round to where the back bit was. We weren't offered any drink and presumed they'd already run dry, but could see round the corner that there were in fact buckets of fizz being 'hidden' in various places by the group surrounding the happy couple. They were popping them under tables or sliding them under chairs with a foot, or just picking up the bottles coming out of the kitchen but only topping up their friend's drinks then emptying the bottle.

We managed to greet Mike but Liz didn't move from her little spot down the end the whole time we were there, didn't circulate with any other guests at all. Canapés came out but remained down the end of the room and were not passed up and they were demolished pretty quickly. More bottles appeared and they were just grabbed before any of it could be shared.

Anyway, we had nothing to drink, nothing to eat and had trekked across town to stand on the fringes of a room to be only slightly acknowledged by one half of a couple, so we left after half an hour to go home and order a pizza.

I was always taught that if you're going to throw a party, you make an effort to talk to everyone, and I think it's bloody rude to create some sort of heirarchy about who gets to be furnished with a drink and who doesn't! AIBU to think some people are just really shite at hosting?

Could it be that lots of people arrived at same time and hosts were slowly making their way through them? 30 or 45 minutes wasn't too long to stay. Could you have said 'excuse me' to a few in the way of the drink and food and squeezed your way in? I assume as the canapés made their way there from the kitchen someone was able to get through to take them

Bit weird about people hiding the drinks! Perhaps they had brought those themselves and didn't want To share with the general party fizz to you think?

Really strange one of them spoke to you but didn't offer a drink or let you know if it was a case of find a glass and fill it up! that's really rubbish hosting!

I agree - if I'm hosting I make a point of greeting everyone as they come in. And I'd always ask if they would like a drink or take them to where they can help themselves. If I spotted the food was getting hogged by a small group I'd make a point of taking the trays around everyone. I always worry about whether people are having a good time when I host so would have been tuned in to your misery! You are definitely not being unreasonable

So your ok to invite to the party (did you take a gift?) but not enough to talk to?.

I'd have left too.

I imagine you'll be busy when the invite for the evening reception comes through?.

I find hosting an absolute misery, I have only done it a handful of times, I feel constantly harassed and pulled in opposite directions and completely caught up in everyone else having a good time. It is the most unrelaxing thing ever, and you don't get to have a decent conversation with anyone all night, as you have to keep checking everyone is OK. It is like being a waitress, a harassed waitress

I much prefer to be a guest at a party than a host

I think if the place was as busy as it sounds then glass bottles are best off under the table. Very odd to assume they were being hidden!

we are definitely only evening invites, if that!

We took a gift, some truffle things from Selfridges, and a card. I honestly think the 'hostess' had zero intention of talking to us at any point. I can't stress enough that it really didn't feel like the kind of party where you can bluster you way into conversations/trays of food/help yourself in the kitchen. The host was topping up other people's drinks but never made it anywhere near to where us and few others peasants were standing.

Sounds awful, I behave like a dickhead at parties without a drink and seat (nerves) so would have left too (probably faking illness or similar). Fortunately dh tends to go on high alert and gets me a chair and a wine to ensure I don't start
I don't understand why people wouldn't want guests to bring a bottle if the party was in their home either. Sounds bloody expensive.

I didn't assume bottles were being hidden- I know they were. They were being taken straight from whoever was nearest the kitchen, and certain groups and couples were stowing them away under chairs/coats/tables- for themselves to crack open. Even though they had full glasses already.

What kind of party can you not excuse yourself and make your way through people to say 'hi' to the hosts? Then you would surely be offered a drink?
Who let you in if the hosts were surrounded at the other end of the 'L'?

I spotted straight away Annie and I'm still waiting for my second post to be removed after reporting it twice... really wish Mumsnet would just give us a delete button!!

dh tends to go on high alert and gets me a chair and a wine to ensure I don't start

I am assuming a five year old wrote that

Aw pandora you have a wonderful sense of humour

I would never go to a party without taking a bottle, regardless if the invitation said there was no need.

Yes but it sounds like they'd have needed to take their own glasses too or else swig from the bottle

I'd expect a party like that to last at least a few hours so if you gave up and left within 30-45 minutes then it's on you not the hosts that they didn't get around to you - you hardly stuck around long enough to give them a chance, especially if they were already busy when you arrived.

Pandora That's pretty much the nastypoint I was trying to make to BTO. Having decided/agreed to host a party that involves a lot of people, some of whom you may not know/like very well, you are more or less condemning committing yourself to an evening of unrelenting drudgery and trudgery while keeping a smile like a demented pageant queen pasted to your face when all you really want to do is sit in the corner and get plastered with your best mates. Like I said before, if this is not what you are prepared to do when hosting parties like this, don't host parties like this.

Surely it's the absolute minimum to make sure that everyone who enters, gets a drink? I mean if you can't do that, it's pretty shoddy. People tend to be on their own reconnaissance after that but at least they have a glass and know where the booze is.

Some people just don't really know how to host. We went to a friends' bbq - brought booze as requested. They had prepared sausages. That was absolutely it. No bread, salad, fruit - nothing except the sausages that they had singed for everyone. Weird.

I think OP is being a bit unreasonable. Yes u didn't give them a chance. You spoke to them. But left within 1/2 an hour. That seems odd to me.

As a guest, I've always thought it was my responsibility to seek out the host at a busy party like this, rather than the other way around.

I think OP sounds rather limp.

Squeeze through to the kitchen, "excuse me" "coming through" "cheers". Grab two glasses and aim for the nearest bottle. "Hi, would you mind passing... Great thanks."

Hosts probably wondered who the oddballs not helping themselves were.

Me too arethere. Being let in by someone else and not even going to say hi to the hosts because people are in the way is quite weird and not a sign of good guests imo.

My OP says we did greet the host actually.

You say you greeted Mike but not Liz because she didn't move. So Mike came to you presumably? What was stopping you making your way down to Liz (and the drink) you still haven't answered afaics. Other people seem to have managed to excuse themselves and make their way through the crowd.

Can't understand the single sausages at barbecues. If people don't want to provide decent food and drinks or are a bit skint why not just arrange a pub meal where everyone pays for and is able to order for themselves?
I think if you've invited people round you should be grateful that they show up and act accordingly.

Because she was deep in conversation with the same people for the duration and barely glanced up. Everyone sort of stayed where they were put, it was weird. But yes, at one point Mike made it close enough to the fringes to say hello and accept the gift. Maybe I'm just to polite not limp and usually wait for an invitation to pile my way through a crowd and fall upon the kitchen and drinks/food unbidden.