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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go on a two week holiday without my DD 10?

78 replies

ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:12

Backstory... I'm going to meet DH's family in April. We've decided to spend a week with them and have a week to ourselves. He is staying there when I come back to the UK and we're applying for his spousal visa from there. He is not DD's father.

DD is very welcome to come but says she doesn't want to miss even one day of school! (I'm actually quite proud of this) however would it be unreasonable to leave her for two weeks, one week with my sister and the other with my mother?

Nothing is booked yet and I've already discussed this with DH who said I'm not BU. She is coming with me in the summer holidays for 3 weeks and he said I could Skype her every day.

It'll be the first time I've been away from her for more than a weekend. What do you all think? I've tried not to dripfeed but you may have questions I haven't thought of!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/02/2017 00:16

My only worry would be that she might change her mind and then get very upset about you going.

Why would she need to miss school? Isn't it the Easter holidays around that time?

Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:24

Sorry yes we're planning to go end of April returning early may

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:30

Only because she said she didn't want to go and I thought I could spend a week on all term with her before I do x

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:31

Half even Grin

OP posts:
Huldra · 19/02/2017 00:36

If she is really happy then fine, she will be well cared for.

But how much school would she have to miss? Is it a case that she doesn't want to miss 1 to 3 days and therefore feels she can't go for the entire two weeks? If so, why doesn't she want to miss a couple of days? Has the school made a fuss to the pupils about holidays and she will feel too guilty? If that's the case it can be fixed with changing a few dates.

Does it feel like too long and too much effort for her. She is 10, a week with partners family she doesn't know, followed by week with you and partner. Would it be easier for her to have you all out for a week to 10 days. Stay near his family, see them for a bit but have a bit of time and space too.

venys · 19/02/2017 00:36

I am sure it will be fine for her. Many moons ago, my mother went away for a a few weeks when I was 9 - but I stayed with the rest of my family. I survived.

MissDallas · 19/02/2017 00:42

Wouldn't you miss her? I couldn't bear to be away from my DC for 2 weeks, that's far too long. Can't you wait and go in the Easter hols instead?

Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:43

She never misses school. Full stop. I've had arguments with her telling her she's too ill to go to school but she just passes me the calpol! She is adamant she doesn't want to go! I'm willing to go the two weeks over Easter, it would save me some annual leave from work but I thought it would be better to go later given she doesn't want to go so at least I can spend some time with her iyswim?

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:44

I would miss her terribly but my DH has it all planned and he is staying at home for approx 1 year so feel I need to get as much time as possible with him x

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/02/2017 00:47

MissDallas, it's not about the OP. It's about her child.

If her child wants to stay home, it shouldn't be about what the OP wants imo.

I'm sure any parent or child would miss each other for 2 weeks, but it's still doable.

Huldra · 19/02/2017 00:48

Week with his family and a long weekend tagged on the end for you as a couple? That may make it easier for all.

angeldelightedme · 19/02/2017 00:53

Isn't it a bit strange to be married to someone whose family you have never met and is not allowed to live in the uk

PuddleJumper01 · 19/02/2017 00:53

A weekend away from mine is too long for me, but if you're comfortable with 2 weeks, and she's comfortable with 2 weeks and you've got childcare in place, I'm sure it's fine.

Where's her birth dad?

Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:58

@angeldelightedme I've met them but on Skype. He is allowed to live in the U.K. but has a time limited visa, we are applying so he can live and work in the U.K. We've been married a year, this is the first time we have been able to travel together to meet them in person.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 19/02/2017 00:58

Is she in Year 6?

Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 00:59

@puddlejumper01 he's never been involved, briefly when she was 2 he had sporadic contact with her but never maintained x

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 01:00

@finolaonestep Yes she's taking SAT's so can't really afford to miss time, even if she wanted to!

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 01:01

@finola1step yes so she couldn't miss any time even if she wanted to!

OP posts:
RazWaz · 19/02/2017 01:04

My mother often went away for a week or two and left me behind with my dad or grandparents. I think I was about 7 or 8 when she went to Tunisa for 2 weeks and I have fond memories of that time as I got to spend time having fun with family members.

If your DD is ok with it I'd go.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 19/02/2017 01:06

You know Year 6 SATs are a complete load of shit and are only used to judge the school not the pupil?

Carollocking · 19/02/2017 01:07

What country is this?only ask as maybe she's not so keen to go to that country maybe ?

Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 01:08

I know but you need to know my DD! She's adamant she's gonna ace them all, absolutely adores school and won't even have time off for the dentist!! I suppose I'm lucky she has that mindset but it's a pain planning holidays!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmyname123 · 19/02/2017 01:09

It's Algeria, but we've been all over the world! As long as it's warm and has a beach she's happy usually!

OP posts:
Carollocking · 19/02/2017 01:09

And yes SATS mean nothing in terms of effect on your daughter as previous poster said

Carollocking · 19/02/2017 01:10

Ah ok

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