To go on a two week holiday without my DD 10?

[ivechangedmyname123]

Backstory... I'm going to meet DH's family in April. We've decided to spend a week with them and have a week to ourselves. He is staying there when I come back to the UK and we're applying for his spousal visa from there. He is not DD's father.

DD is very welcome to come but says she doesn't want to miss even one day of school! (I'm actually quite proud of this) however would it be unreasonable to leave her for two weeks, one week with my sister and the other with my mother?

Nothing is booked yet and I've already discussed this with DH who said I'm not BU. She is coming with me in the summer holidays for 3 weeks and he said I could Skype her every day.

It'll be the first time I've been away from her for more than a weekend. What do you all think? I've tried not to dripfeed but you may have questions I haven't thought of!

She's had 100% attendance since Reception and wants to maintain that right through! She didn't take the day off for my graduation!

Why on earth would it be unreasonable? You're leaving her with your Mum & your sister, not home alone! 🤣 She can't, and doesn't want, to go.

Plenty of parents have to go away for work for this amount of time - it's not like you're going back with DH for the year.

Stop being daft & get it booked.

@annieanonimouse you're completely right but I still feel bad as it's the longest I will have been away from her!

Have you been married long may I ask

@carllocking Been married a year in April.

Have you been to his country before or is this your first visit

No it's my first visit. I've met and spoken to his family on Skype.

Do they seem accept you well do you think,I know nothing to do with your question

Why does she not want to go even in school holidays?

So you met your DH - when? Where? How? Presumably your DD was introduced to him; did they get on? Did you live together as a family at some stage?

Then you married this time last year - how long was there between meeting him and marriage? Where did you marry? What did your DD think?

Then he went back to Algeria - how soon after the marriage? Has your DD seen him since? Have you? Has he been to visit you? What's his financial situation? Do you share his religion and cultural background?

I'm trying to understand, from your DD's perspective, who this man is. Because there's a reason she doesn't want to go to visit him, even in the school holidays. Why is that?

Chachacha You don't sound like you are trying to understand from DD's perspective, you just sound nosey.

OP -GO!! You are not being unreasonable at all. Have fun 😁

Does your DH live with you OP?

Does your DD like your DH?

In the situation you describe, I would leave dd here.

What is the current Foreign Office advice for travelling to Algeria? I know that some areas have a no travel warning so is your DH's area in a safer region? These questions alone would put me off travelling there with dd for the first time.

I think its a good idea she is not going. Its hardly a place where there will be much for her to do.

I think a lot of travel is advised against in Algeria at the moment. Wouldn't take my DD.

I wouldn't leave her and would wait until the summer holidays, it's only a few weeks after.

With a new man in the scene, she may already be feeling insecure much less without you leaving her for two weeks to put him first.

When you said Algeria, alarm bells were ringing, i would be wary of going, and i wouldnt want to go with DC. Do you have to go for 2 weeks? could you maybe shorten it at all?

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/algeria

Still current at: 19 February 2017
Updated: 20 December 2016

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) advise against all travel to areas within:

450km of the Mali and Niger borders, with the exception of Tindouf town and Tamanrasset city
100km of the Mauritania border
100km of the Libya and Tunisia borders south of the town of Souk Ahras, with the exception of In Amenas

The FCO advise against all but essential travel to:

Tamanrasset city
In Amenas
Tindouf town
the provinces of Boumerdès, Bouira and Tizi Ouzou east of Algiers (the area known as the Kabylie)

If you’re travelling to In Amenas or Tamanrasset city, you should do so by air. If you’re travelling through the Kabylie you should travel by day and stick to the east-west highway.

There is a high threat from terrorism in Algeria, including kidnap. Attacks could be indiscriminate, including in places visited by foreigners. You should take great care at all times. See Terrorism

Small protests can spring up without warning. Most are loud but peaceful. A long-running series of demonstrations involving violence is taking place in the Saharan provinces of Ghardaia and In Salah. See Political situation

It is generally safe to move around Algiers and the other main cities, but you should avoid areas that you don’t know, especially after dark. Travelling in rural areas and at night is particularly risky. Avoid travel by road at night outside the major cities. See Crime and Local travel)

The Algerian authorities devote considerable resources to the safety of foreign visitors. They’ll want to know your travel plans when travelling outside major cities and may assign police or gendarmes to protect you. If you’re travelling independently you should notify the Ministry of Foreign Affairs or local authorities of your plans. Your hotel should be able to help with contacting local authorities. This doesn’t apply if you have dual Algerian nationality.

Avoid travel by road at night outside the major cities. See Crime and Local travel

Sorry I was not so upfront last night but these reasons these people have listed concern for are my reasons along with some other very serious issues also,I was trying not to be so blunt but since others have stated clearly I won't hide my concerns.
It us so common more than is reported for sure that often marriages like you may have and I say may because we don't know you but they often are a stepping stone for him to gain legal status in uk often with other wives that have already or to come and that you are possibly just been used.
You are a child social worker so I hope you have considered these possibilities of course been you work in a job that highlights concern daily.
Then there is the very serious concern of female children in this country since it condones FGM and just maybe your daughter knows of such if she's as clever that I get the impression that she may be.
I'd find out his views and if possible his families views on this long before I took my daughter near such a place.
Be incredibly concerned over this as once take her to such a place it for sure could end up well out your hands.
The reason I asked about the family and if you knew them and there reaction to you may have given you little reasons of concern or not but in my opinion be very very careful.
There are of course also reports if ending up in a situation where you have no choices and end up stuck out there too which would seriously make me think and be concerned,people on an agenda can be very polite and loving here and once there own country a very very different person.
It's very very unusual for people from there and simmillar cultures to marrry someone without been surrounded by family and normally If other reports to go by that you converted to his faith totally of course I'm assuming you may not have in that statement but I only want show why I am concerned as you could already be his same faith.
Be very aware to the dangers surrounding this please and don't take my words badly just as advice to stay safe.

If you have never been parted from dd for more than a few days I do wonder whether she will find the reality quite difficult and miss you a lot even if she says it's ok.

Would you and dh be prepared to cut your trip short if she was getting upset? I think I would reduce bothe components of the trip so you were only away for around 8 days which is more manageable for a child.

I have travelled with my kids all over the world. No way would I either a. Go to Algeria with a young girl, or b. Go to Algeria and leave her behind, which is a very high risk travel area, without her and potentially putting myself in danger. You are her only parent, you aren't a war corespondent, this is unnecessary travel to somewhere that is absolutely NOT a holiday destination. I'm not being precious, it is a statement of fact, it is a very dangerous country. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a holiday without your kids, when they're with family that they love and trust, but not to Algeria with a new husband. Why does he have to go home for a year? Visa-wise that's not something I've heard of.

mygeorgeoussmilo It dosent sound good does it .id be very concerned for loads reasons,and the fact the op says she's child social worker you'd think she'd be very concerned too living in a daily job dealing with risks

Firstly, I have been with my DH for 8 years so I am very aware of his views,morals and I am not a person who jumps into things hence my recent posts!

I see my job as an advantage in gauging people, a job I'm very very good at I must say!

I am fully trained in Harmful Practices (FGM and Forced Marriage) and work with children and young women everyday who have been through this. To answer a PP FGM is not practiced in the region of Algeria we will be visiting.

Also the area we will be visiting is considered safe to travel as it is very far from trouble spots but is not a major city.

My DD wants to come in the summer. My DH has nieces and nephews who speak English and there is a beach nearby, so lots to do.

His family appear to be lovely and are excited for our visit (which I feel we may cut down- only because I would miss DD too much).

DH lives in the U.K. and has done since we met, the reason he is staying on after I leave is so he can spend time with his elderly parents who he hasn't seen physically for 10 years!

Why is he going to be staying there for a year?

Sorry he has lived with us for over a year and they have a lovely relationship, she has been included in all decisions including him moving in.