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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to ask someone how much their mortgage repayments are?

185 replies

CatchTheRainbow · 18/02/2017 19:18

Two people have asked me this since I moved to my new house.

I kind of feel it's like asking someone how much they earn. It's personal and should only be shared if that person offers up that information freely.

OP posts:

HelsinkiLights · 18/02/2017 22:24

Er no. I don't mind people asking me how much my mortgage is & vice versa as it gives people an idea of what the repayments are & how to manage.
But that's just me.

witsender · 18/02/2017 22:26

You would qualify for help...With the added costs of raising children. So it doesn't become extra disposable income.

tabithakitty · 18/02/2017 23:31

Gwen- I wasn't being precious about it. I am a Scottish solicitor so I know how our system works. I have no knowledge about the availability of information in any other jurisdiction. Glad you were able to clarify.

God folk are so fucking touchy!

kissingJustForPractice · 18/02/2017 23:46

Can't say it would bother me, there are so many variables what would it tell people about me? Don't know why they would want to know, but I wouldn't be precious about it.

MrsKoala · 19/02/2017 09:21

Gwen - I think it's attitudes like expecting anyone on above average salaries to be well off that is the reason people should be comfortable about talking about money. Because it is often not the case.

When dh was on 50k we really struggled. Our mortgage was 1200, ct £150, utilities £300, fares £500, preschool fees £200 (all approx). Then food on top and something often going wrong with the car and house and mil very ill so dh driving hundreds of miles every month, meant every month we were into the overdraft and credit cards.

If people have no idea then often they think you are better off than you are. It's the outgoings that are the real factor. Which is why I am always happy to talk about money as lots who bought houses a while back don't really get it and we kept getting comments about being tight.

peggyundercrackers · 19/02/2017 09:31

It wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't think it was rude. If you really wanted to find out just go and request a copy of the deeds from land registry. It tells you what price was paid for the house and what the outstanding mortgage was on it when it was bought. For me A mortgage has no bearing on your salary or your deposit or what you can afford, I bought the house I wanted, it wasn't based on my alarm or what we could afford - we could have bowrrowed three time what we actually did...

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2017 10:14

tabitha - I didn't say you were being precious, I meant the people who don't want others to know how much their house is worth.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2017 10:17

" It's the outgoings that are the real factor. "

Yes, but you have some control over the outgoings. The other person who mentioned someone being on a higher income "struggling" talked about private school fees. That's why I take it all with a huge pinch of salt.

TheStoic · 19/02/2017 10:20

Er no. I don't mind people asking me how much my mortgage is & vice versa as it gives people an idea of what the repayments are & how to manage.
But that's just me.

How could it possibly give an idea of what repayments would be for anybody but you?

Olympiathequeen · 19/02/2017 10:22

Very weird. I wouldn't dream of asking about someone's private financial issues.

thecatneuterer · 19/02/2017 10:25

It wouldn't bother me at all. But then I've never understood the angst that talking about money seems to cause.

MuseumOfCurry · 19/02/2017 10:27

It's a naked attempt to discern someone's financial position, so yes - rude.

kerryob · 19/02/2017 10:28

Typical Rent affordablility test - your salary must be the same or higher than 30x monthly rent. You'd need to earn £39k or above for £1300 per month.

witsender · 19/02/2017 10:39

Doesn't bother me overly, even though the motivation may be nosy.

FuckingSausageFingers · 19/02/2017 10:40

Can't say I'd be offended at this or consider it rude, but then I don't get how they would be able to work out our earnings from the answer anyway. Our (5 bed) house cost less than £200k (bought last year) but we were looking at properties up to £280-300k, just happened to find an absolute bargain and meant we didn't have to stretch ourselves to anywhere near the top end of our budget. We had a deposit from savings and some equity in our old house. Unless they asked for all of that information too, they couldn't possibly know what we earn, could they?

TheStoic · 19/02/2017 10:43

Can't say I'd be offended at this or consider it rude, but then I don't get how they would be able to work out our earnings from the answer anyway.

That's the thing - it's a completely pointless question, with a meaningless answer.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2017 10:45

"Typical Rent affordablility test - your salary must be the same or higher than 30x monthly rent. "

Traditionally, it's your rent should not be more than a third of your net monthly income, but obviously lots of people have to have it be a much higher proportion because they have no choice so there are lots of people whose rent is half their monthly wage.
I don't know where the poster who got wages being 4 times rent got her information from.

bulletjournal · 19/02/2017 10:45

Yes, but you have some control over the outgoings.

see, that is a massive assumption, you are judging already, and this is exactly why it's better to keep quiet about income.

I suppose if you know someone's rent, you can vaguely guess the minimum their income might be- but the clue will already be in the area and size of the property too - but you will have no way of knowing the top figure. It's not uncommon to rent as cheap as possible to save for a deposit, so you have no idea what people financial situation is. And neither should you.

Why does anyone need to know what you earn? I am contractually not allowed to even discuss my salary at work! (which is a very good thing).

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 19/02/2017 10:47

I dont think its rude.
Plenty of people have asked me how much rent I pay.I would happily tell them.
The British sqeamishness when it comes to talking about personal finances seems based on the entrenched class system. We all know our place, but God forbid anyone does the sums and works out just how much more some have than others.
In my experience, people without much money actually do talk about it quite a bit. Its people who are doing OK, or that have plenty who get up in arms about discussing it.
I know loads of couples who both have very good jobs, and have owned their houses (up North) 10+ years, who regularly complain about things being expensive, or say they are only camping this year, because its cheaper.
I am always dying to tell them my incomings and outgoings, just to see them realise they ain't broke!

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2017 10:47

"It's a naked attempt to discern someone's financial position, so yes - rude."

Not necessarily. It could be someone wondering if they could afford a similar place so it's like asking about the cost of something. If someone's wearing a nice dress and I was thinking I'd like a similar one, but it was probably too expensive, would it be so wrong of me to ask its price and where she got it from so I could get an idea about whether I could have one too?

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 19/02/2017 10:49

Why does anyone need to know what you earn? I am contractually not allowed to even discuss my salary at work! (which is a very good thing).

No. It isn't. It really hard to enforce equality in the workplace if salaries aren't transparent.

pringlecat · 19/02/2017 10:50

If you go onto Zoopla, you can see how much I paid for my property. It's not a secret.

I'm not sure how someone uses that information and my monthly mortgage to figure out how much I earn? Even if I volunteer the deposit amount? I was offered a higher mortgage but chose not to overstretch myself.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2017 10:51

"people without much money actually do talk about it quite a bit. Its people who are doing OK, or that have plenty who get up in arms about discussing it."

I don't see how you can be friends with someone without having an idea of what they earn. You need to know what kind of things they can join in with. I wouldn't invite an unemployed friend to an expensive place and I wouldn't expect my better off friends to invite me to an expensive restaurant or on an expensive holiday.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 19/02/2017 10:52

I wouldn't be offended by a friend or relative gently enquiring, especially if they were a first time buyer looking for advice.

If it was a total stranger asking, I'd probably be a bit . In that instance, of course, the correct form is to look vaguely non plussed and say, "a mortgage?? What's that then? Ooooh, I don't like the sound of that. Pay interest, you say? I bought outright with the proceeds from my inheritance."

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 19/02/2017 10:52

I don't see how you can be friends with someone without having an idea of what they earn

I assure you it's perfectly possible.

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