Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to ask someone how much their mortgage repayments are?

185 replies

CatchTheRainbow · 18/02/2017 19:18

Two people have asked me this since I moved to my new house.

I kind of feel it's like asking someone how much they earn. It's personal and should only be shared if that person offers up that information freely.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:23

". If you ask someone what their rent is, you know they must earn at least 4 times that amount therefore you can work out roughly their wage."

4 times??? Are you serious??
It's considered goo for your rent to be no more than a third of your income, not a quarter, and plenty of people have no choice but to pay half their income.

People can work out I don't earn much just by knowing which area I live in, it would hardly be a shock to anyone :)

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 18/02/2017 21:24

gwen if you told the truth you shouldn't feel bad.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:33

dontcallme - well yes, but it gives the impression that I have a lot more money than this person. We were doing rounds last night and he was having a pint for each one of my small wines. He probably thinks I can afford to subsidise him, but my other recent jobs have been much lower paid so I don't really want to be seen as a jammy bugger. I'm a very low earner by MN standards by the way, but it was a bit more than this friend.

On the other hand two weeks ago a friend of mine recommended a bank account where you get interest as long as you pay in 1500 a month. When I said I couldn't do that he said "but doesn't everyone earn at least that much?" so I do think sometimes it's important to remind well off people that loads of lower earners exits.

OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 21:36

I am 48. Not having kids makes a MASSIVE difference to one's net worth!

EurusHolmesViolin · 18/02/2017 21:41

I'm quite happy to talk about it!

bulletjournal · 18/02/2017 21:43

the opposite is true. If you announce a salary well above the average, some people will assume that you are well-off, and become jealous, completely ignoring the fact that you are struggling. Incomes are best kept private, it's no one's business, and neither is your mortgage.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:44

bulletjournal - you're doing something wrong if you have a high salary and are struggling surely?

bulletjournal · 18/02/2017 21:45

I hope you are being sarcastic Gwenhwyfar

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:45

"I am 48. Not having kids makes a MASSIVE difference to one's net worth!"

Maybe if you're already well off. I'll get shouted at for saying this, but I think quite a few people on low incomes would be better off if they had kids, or at least not much worse.

SillySongsWithLarry · 18/02/2017 21:46

I don't mind telling people how high my mortgage payments are. They are higher than one might expect because I am not yet 30 and have 9 years left on the mortgage. I could have a lower repayment but would be paying it back for much longer.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:46

bulletjournal - No, I'm not. Not sure how someone who earns way above average can be struggling unless they're unlucky enough to have a partner with debts or something.

PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 21:50

Gwenhwyfar it doesn't take much imagination to see that outgoings can and often do expand in line with income. More expensive house (especially in the SE), school fees / multiple DCs at university etc...none of that is cheap.

(And I say that as someone who has never been in the position of earning "way above average".)

DJKKSlider · 18/02/2017 21:50

I don't see it as any more riude than someone asking how Mich your gas bill is, or your internet,

"How much did you pay for you Nissan Juke then?"

Its just bullshit small talk. If you don't want to answer, don't. Its not like its a sign of what sort of person ypou are, no one is better than an other just because their mortgage is £50 more.

bulletjournal · 18/02/2017 21:52

Gwenhwyfar
I am not going into another discussion about why people with enough money to be penalised with the highest tax rates, too little to not care, and too much to get any help at all, why these people are not living "the dream".
let's just summarise by saying that having an above average salary (so more than £26,500 I think?) doesn't mean you are rich.
Keeping private things private avoids a lot of unnecessary drama.

GoodGirlGoneWrong · 18/02/2017 21:56

Only ever really discussed with close friends, I think my dad asked once! my brother asked a while ago as he and his wife are looking into buying.

I can't decide if it's rude or not but it's not always a hot topic in my friendship group. We all earn different money and we all spend differently. Some of us are skint others are well off. We normally talk about our kids!!

witsender · 18/02/2017 21:59

A small glass of wine is about the same as a pint anyway.

Misses point of thread.

OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 22:09

""I am 48. Not having kids makes a MASSIVE difference to one's net worth!"

Maybe if you're already well off. I'll get shouted at for saying this, but I think quite a few people on low incomes would be better off if they had kids, or at least not much worse."

Don't understand this at all.

I wasn't "already well off". I set out aged 18 with nothing, same as most of us, didn't even go to uni, had 4 O levels. Never married, never had kids.
So, no, was not already well off.
I worked hard, at the start in what would today be min wage jobs (but was no min wage then, so was just slave wages) and worked my way up, getting vocational quals as I went until a few years ago I did a law degree via the OU, all paid for by myself. Never had any other support, all my own hard work and money until a small inheritance last year - but that is not factored into the figures above because it has been invested so not available for the house purchase.

Not having kids is the thing that sets me apart from most people I know in terms of savings and ability to earn.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 22:10

"Gwenhwyfar it doesn't take much imagination to see that outgoings can and often do expand in line with income. More expensive house (especially in the SE), school fees / multiple DCs at university etc...none of that is cheap."

You cannot claim to be struggling if you're paying private school fees! That's not struggling!!!

bulletjournal · 18/02/2017 22:14

Not sure I would be so well off without kids. I would probably be dancing and drinking in a beach bar right now and sleeping until noon tomorrow and not giving a thought about my empty bank account. No more rat race. Bliss... Grin

Joke aside, OutToGetYou I completely agree with you!

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 22:14

"A small glass of wine is about the same as a pint anyway."

That's good to know. I think it must be Guiness that's more expensive and one of my friends drinks pints of that.

tabithakitty · 18/02/2017 22:14

Very rude to ask.

But, in Scotland certainly, how much you paid for the house is a matter of public record. You just get a copy of the title.

With very old securities ( mortgage deeds) you would see the amount which was borrowed, and you could therefore ( theoretically, if you were tragic enough to trawl around looking) work out what deposit folk had.

Nowadays securities tend to just mention" all sums", so you would never know of borrowing.

Some folk are just really nosey!

Oblomov17 · 18/02/2017 22:18

It's not rude, it's just the British are very prim about talking about money.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 22:19

Out - If you're a lawyer you might be better off without kids, but if you were a low earner you might be better of with kids because you would qualify for help.

Ordinarily · 18/02/2017 22:21

Yes, it's rude. It could be that the person you're asking has taken a payment holiday because they can't afford any repayments at the moment. Or they might have secretly won the lottery and have repaid their mortgage ages ago, but have no interest in it becoming public knowledge. Or they might just not want to talk about it.

If people are interested in buying in a particular area, they can always look houses up on the internet, contact estate agents and banks, and figure out what they would pay if they bought it. That's then their business, and other people's payments aren't.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 22:21

"But, in Scotland certainly, how much you paid for the house is a matter of public record. "

In England and Wales too so there's not much point being precious about it. You can't blame people who haven't bought anything yet to be curious about what they themselves might be able to get.