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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to ask someone how much their mortgage repayments are?

185 replies

CatchTheRainbow · 18/02/2017 19:18

Two people have asked me this since I moved to my new house.

I kind of feel it's like asking someone how much they earn. It's personal and should only be shared if that person offers up that information freely.

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 20:37

So, if people think knowing the mortgage payment means they can work out your salary - try this:

about to buy a house, mortgage payment will be £550pm, just me buying on my own.

What's my salary?

Fluffy40 · 18/02/2017 20:41

My house is 500k, most people think we own it 😉

VestalVirgin · 18/02/2017 20:42

I honestly don't get why people think it is oh so very rude.

If one just wants to know whether they could afford a house, why must they go to the internet instead of just asking a friend? And what would you have said before the internet? Would it also have been rude to ask,then?

I would consider it more rude to just tell people what your house cost without being asked, because that would be bragging.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 18/02/2017 20:43

out how much is the purchase price? ... We could google IRL Grin

bunnylove99 · 18/02/2017 20:43

Yanbu. It's definitely rude. People should not ask how much you earn/pay for things etc. I would never ask anyone how much their rent was either.

Longislandicetee · 18/02/2017 20:46

Never had this but when we last moved it was obvious that people had looked up how much the house was on the market for and leapt to conclusions!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 18/02/2017 20:46

If people ask me then I tell them. Never seen it as rude. It's the same as asking how much people pay in rent

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 18/02/2017 20:49

out this is going to be massively wrong but I'm assuming your yearly salary is £26k?

DixieNormas · 18/02/2017 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Permanentlyexhausted · 18/02/2017 20:54

This obsession with it being rude to talk about money is peculiarly British and goes some way to explain why we have such ridiculously high levels of personal debt. If everyone was a bit more open about their financial affairs the population in general might be a bit more financially savvy.

My mortgage repayments are 850 per month.

OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 20:54

dont - £250k (you couldn't find it on Google because I haven't bought it yet, but you could in a few months)

peppa more than double that :)

MrsKoala · 18/02/2017 20:57

I never get why talking about money is rude. It's just a thing. How much you earn or pay doesn't represent your worth as a person. It's usually just to do with other factors. I'm quite happy to tell anyone anything about me they may be nosy about. Means nothing 'personal' to me really.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 18/02/2017 21:01

I'd think you'd borrowed relatively little and had about half as a deposit, possibly more

OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 21:01

Me too MrsKoala - I accept it's not socially normal to talk about money, so I don't. But I think we should. The Americans do more. The first thing an American will ask is 'how much do you make?' [earn] and they expect an answer. It helps with wage equality.

And I think talking about money honestly helps people avoid debt.

BobbieDog · 18/02/2017 21:03

It is rude i think.

I rent and i ve had many people ask me how much my rent is. I bought a car last year brand new and i did get a few people asking if it was on finance.

People are very nosy about other peoples finances. I dont tell anybody anything where as dh has no problem with people asking him questions about money. Im teaching him to keep it to himself and not to tell people too much information as the less people know then the better.

OutToGetYou · 18/02/2017 21:04

dont - yes, so 'deposit' is £190k, mortgage £60k*, but I have set it at 10 years and hope to pay it off in 5. Rate 2.1%, no fees. Salary is £60k plus 15% bonus.

So, really, knowing the monthly payment doesn't give people that much insight into further detail.

*it is a bit touch and go whether I can get the mortgage and if I don't I shall pay the whole £250k in cash - then my mortgage payments will be £0, but my salary will still be the same and the house price will still be the same, so not sure it gives people any information at all!

BobbieDog · 18/02/2017 21:05

I find its better not to tell people how much you earn etc as you then get sniped at later on about money etc and people dont like it if they feel you are "rolling in money"

MrsKoala · 18/02/2017 21:07

Agree Out. i think all this coyness about money encourages situations where people can be exploited. Just let it all out. Unless of course people do think its a reflection on them personally. In which case i think they are odd.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 18/02/2017 21:11

I should have asked how old you are Grin

You're totally right it doesn't give finite figures, but if you'd said >£1k it would tell a different story.

It easy to answer when you have plenty of money, but with less it must feel like a judgement is being made. I'm OK I don't have a mortgage, but it could be fucking huge.

PlanIsNoPlan · 18/02/2017 21:13

Nahh - no prob telling for me, finally at age 54 I managed to buy, after the Bank of Mum opened (inherited a deposit) - it still amazes me that I'm paying less than half what I was paying in private rent, and even less than I was paying for the few years I was in social housing and I can equate the amount I pay now to decades of renting; and that what most of what I do pay goes towards paying off what I owe. But I'm not sure I would ask someone else as a direct out of the blue question because it's a bit personal really.

PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 21:17

I think it's fair enough to ask someone how much their mortgage/rent is or how much they earn if it's for a specific purpose - e.g. because the asker is at a similar life stage and planning to buy/rent in the same area, or because they work in a similar sector and want to get a feel for whether they're being undervalued, but IME most people are just asking to be nosy, and so they can pass judgement and make 'joky' Hmm remarks about how loaded/stretched you must be forever more.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/02/2017 21:18

My friend asked me how much I earned last night. I answered because I understand where the question's coming from and he had told me. I felt bad though because this job is only temporary and I'll be back down to less soon.

MrsKoala · 18/02/2017 21:19

It was the other way round with me dont - When i was harder up and had a higher mortgage/rent and lower salary i felt it was really important to tell people as a lot (particularly of my parents generation) just had no idea of the reality of younger peoples situations. I felt it was important that people understood how normal it was for younger people to not be able to afford to have children or go on holiday etc.

PlumsGalore · 18/02/2017 21:19

I think it's rude, and I know if two certain people had asked me the question I would know they were thinking "how can they afford this house" that's why they want to know what you are paying a month. That and how much deposit you put down.

Mind you I have often thought it myself about other people but i woukd NEVER ask!

user1483387154 · 18/02/2017 21:20

I hate 'money talk' and find it crass. However since moving to my now 'home' Country in mainland Europe it seems that even strangers find no issue with asking how much you earn, what you paid for your house etc. I hate it and it has taken me 3 years not to get offended when people ask. I still squirm and try and change the subject without answering though