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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL imposes crockery apartheid on me...AIBU?

97 replies

Figfarmer · 17/02/2017 23:04

Whenever SIL comes to stay she rearranges my cupboards.

I was making her toast for breakfast and she opened the cupboard to get a plate out, and I watched her sort the pile of plates in order of size and colour. I have told her that I like things to be relaxed and casual in my house, but she "corrects" my things anyway.

My glasses and mugs occupy their shelf in a pleasantly random manner, in perfect harmony, and she changes them into crockery apartheid.

I love the way in nature things move and end up in just the right spot, like shells washed up on a beach or trees in a forest. I have mentioned this analogy to SIL, that the same natural movement happens in my kitchen, as plates and cups are used and put back in their cupboard as they come. My house is neat and tidy, colourful, busy, and relaxed. SIL is lovely and can sort her own cupboards to her hearts content but I wish she would leave mine alone. She is not OCD, and doesn't make the bed, which is fine by me. After all, she is my guest. DB and SIL are staying for two weeks, from overseas.

Is she being PA or should I just chill the fuck out?

OP posts:
chillx · 17/02/2017 23:15

I was seriously pissed off when my SIL walked through my flat for the first time running her fingers over lamp shades for dust and pointing out the disorganised towels in my airing cupboard. This was a few weeks after giving birth to my first son 13yrs ago. She now has 2 children of her own and I try and stay above her level when visiting her home. It would be so easy to shame her cleanliness. On the positive side, since that day my airing cupboard has been immaculately arranged and is opened to visitors inspections regularly whether they want to look in or not. It's actually something I feel I can show off. Now my wardrobe is a completely different story!

I hate anyone touching/tidying anything in my house.

SittingWithMyFeetUP12 · 17/02/2017 23:15

Buy a stack of paper cups and plates...stick them on the kitchen bench...My sister to used to visit and rearrange my furniture..grrrrrr (among many annoying things she does)

llangennith · 17/02/2017 23:19

I'm not very tidy but I do like to know that when I need a plate it'll be in a particular place. I don't expect to have to hunt for it depending on whatever whim decided where it would go on any given colourful day.

AdoraBell · 17/02/2017 23:20

Tell her to put it back as it was. Every time she does it.

My stepson once changed something on my phone 'for me' because it was 'better' than how I had it set up. I asked to put it back and it took him a few frantic hours because he couldn't remember how I'd had it, and I wasn't going to tell him.

Can't stand people interfering.

annabe1 · 17/02/2017 23:22

My fil always pushes an armchair I have into line with the sofa Confused
I like it at an angle, we can't see eachother otherwise!

Newbluetattoo · 17/02/2017 23:23

I think it's possible to be OCD about some things (e.g. crockery) and not others (e.g. beds) but I'm not an expert. Try not to take it personally. I do feel really sorry for her, imagine being so compelled that crockery is "appropriately" organised that you'd rearrange somebody else's cupboards. Poor girl.

Bahh · 17/02/2017 23:24

It's two weeks. Rather than cause an atmosphere just let it go and soon she'll be gone.

user1487372252 · 17/02/2017 23:30

Some things in nature organise themselves. Some animal documentaries astound me. If you really like things to be relaxed, why don't you relax about the current position they have landed in? Smile

Original poster
Figfarmer · 17/02/2017 23:33

I don't put plates in random places, they are all stacked up according to size, so the dinner plates are in a stack, beside the bread and butter plates. I have three different colours of plates, from different sets I bought over the years to replace broken ones. She sorts the white ones to the bottom, then the patterned ones, then blue plates on top. She does this while I am standing there in front of her.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 17/02/2017 23:35

I'd be thrilled if someone organised my cupboards for me, but I can see how not everyone would.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/02/2017 23:36

Who does she think she is?

Who goes into someone's house and rearranges their things, or their furniture? It is just rude. Very rude.

Sad.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 17/02/2017 23:39

What happens if you immediately rearrange them, in front of her? That's what I'd have to do. Not say a word, just put them back to how they were. It would be or kick her out of the house.

Julia001 · 17/02/2017 23:41

As long as I could find everything that I needed I wouldn't be too put out, could you send her over as my cupboards and drawers need a good clear out :-)

Rainbunny · 17/02/2017 23:42

I would never do that in someone else's home but I will confess to a personal bit of crazy OCD behaviour I've never admitted to anyone in RL!!! There is a supermarket with underground parking near me so you need to take a lift down to the parking area, the "P" for parking letter on the lift button has been completely worn down over the years so now it's invisible and many people spend an extra minute or so staring at the buttons to figure out the right one to get to the parking level. It has driven me nuts for ages! The buttons are grey and the letters are in white, so a couple of months ago I took a tippex pen with me and re-wrote the "P" on the button so that it's clearly marked now. I feel 50% batshit crazy for doing that and 50% proud of my secret act of public service! Haven't even told my DH I did it - he knows I have a slight OCD tendency, if he thinks I'm going around in public doing things like this he'll think I'm losing the plot for real!

ifcatscouldtalk · 17/02/2017 23:44

I must be very unreasonable, I'd just say "out out" and usher her to the kitchen doorway. I see one of the only advantages of having a tiny house is that I'd never be subjected to a fortnight long visitor. Grin.

BackforGood · 17/02/2017 23:45

If you are relaxed and don't mind about the order though, then I can't understand why you would get uptight about it. I'd give her a bit of gentle 'ribbing', or smile and shake my head, but let her get on with it.

There are some things that I "have to" order / tidy, but it doesn't apply to all things, so he leaving the bed unmade yet the mixed up plates making her teeth itch is perfectly feasible.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 17/02/2017 23:45

Plates should be ordered by size, not colour. Is she on glue?

chocolateavocado99 · 17/02/2017 23:54

Every time I visit my pil's, mil complains she had a million cups, glasses, crockery and other shit in the cupboard that she doesn't use. I love organising and have offered to help her sort it all out. She always declines. No way would I do it without her permission.

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2017 23:54

Just tell her to fucking stop it Confused

BeccaAnn · 17/02/2017 23:55

I'd hate that it's so invasive! I guess once its been done then she'll leave it alone then everything can go back to normal. why do they stay with you? are there other friends or family she can rearrange their kitchens stay at?

FrancisCrawford · 17/02/2017 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lynnm63 · 18/02/2017 00:00

That's annoying, I'd have to tell her to get out of my cupboards. However, I feel her pain. When I put glasses away I put all of one sort in a line, all of another sort in a line, pint glasses you've guessed it in a line, etc. My dh doesn't get it, he puts them back in the cupboard anyhow. It makes me twitch. I'm 99% sure he doesn't do it to wind me up.

Plunkette · 18/02/2017 00:00

Why not just say "oi! SIL! Leave my cupboards alone cheeky!"

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 00:02

You're so much politer than I am Francis Grin

"Stop being a wanker and leave my crockery alone", would be a conversation opener for me.

Original poster
Figfarmer · 18/02/2017 00:04

They have gone out for the day.

I have practiced nonviolent resistance to her crockery apartheid by mixing the plates up again.

OP posts: