SIL imposes crockery apartheid on me...AIBU?

[Figfarmer]

Whenever SIL comes to stay she rearranges my cupboards.

I was making her toast for breakfast and she opened the cupboard to get a plate out, and I watched her sort the pile of plates in order of size and colour. I have told her that I like things to be relaxed and casual in my house, but she "corrects" my things anyway.

My glasses and mugs occupy their shelf in a pleasantly random manner, in perfect harmony, and she changes them into crockery apartheid.

I love the way in nature things move and end up in just the right spot, like shells washed up on a beach or trees in a forest. I have mentioned this analogy to SIL, that the same natural movement happens in my kitchen, as plates and cups are used and put back in their cupboard as they come. My house is neat and tidy, colourful, busy, and relaxed. SIL is lovely and can sort her own cupboards to her hearts content but I wish she would leave mine alone. She is not OCD, and doesn't make the bed, which is fine by me. After all, she is my guest. DB and SIL are staying for two weeks, from overseas.

Is she being PA or should I just chill the fuck out?

ignore - thats the line I've taken with my MIL who re-organises everything in our house when she visits (thankfully max 2 times/year!). She even does our bedroom and wardrobes even though we've specifically told her not to.

Wtaf? I'd go bananas.

"My house is neat and tidy, colourful, busy, and relaxed. SIL is lovely." If you want your lovely SIL to feel as relaxed as you all do, then let her get on with it for a couple of weeks. What harm can it do? My wife is orderly to the point of OCD, and I am a devotee of comfortable clutter. In the kitchen [where I do all the cooking] she wants everything tidied away with empty work-surfaces, whereas I would much prefer all utensils and equipment laid out or hanging up within easy reach. Because it matters more to her than it does to me, we go her way, and I put up with minor inconvenience because I love her. Likewise she pretends not to notice when I pick my nose. It's called live and let live. Does anyone really need to make an issue of kitchen cupboards?

Oh God my entire kitchen is my territory. If anyone tried this they would be annexed.

You have my sympathy OP.

My mother babysits once a week and while DS is in nursery, she cleans my kitchen and tidies my house and hoovers round (ignores our bedroom ) ....... as I love it I guess it doesn't count!

Doesn't rearrange anything though.

Send her to me I would love a cupboard organiser I have loads of cupboards that need doing especially the garage. Mine are not "shells on a beach" it's more "trip ti the dump"

Sometimes I'm glad I don't have a sister-in-law !

Get a spray bottle and spray her with water every time she does it, it's the only way.

If it really bothers you - and it would probably bother me - tell her that you hate when people re-organise your home. If she can't understand that she probably has a special need of some sort.

Ask her why she does it. She might confide OCD to you.

DH always rearranges the plates. We have colourful and white side plates and he hates that I stack them as they come, he likes the white at the top and colourful underneath which is a pain because the kids like the colourful ones so they have to move all the white ones to get to the ones they want. We have lost a lot of white plates this way.

It pisses me off because anytime I want things in a certain way which is almost always for practical reasons he accuses me of being fussy or picky but the plates is his 'thing' which we should all obey.

Can you hide something in the bowls so as she reaches for them to move them she encounters SOMETHING SCARY?

These water beads that people use in flower arranging will give her a shock.

If she is lovely and you are relaxed about what order they're in, why not let her rearrange them?

God I'd hate it!

When I was a kid we went away on holiday and while we were away my aunt and uncle (my dad's sister and her husband) stayed in our house for their holiday (we lived by the seaside).

My aunt completely rearranged our kitchen so it matched hers, and when we got back, explained to mum why what she'd done was better than how mum had it arranged. Mum was raging, they didn't stay again without us being there

I was raging when I opened it to find TEA COFFEE SUGAR TUMERIC written

Quark surely it should have been TEA COFFEE SUGAR BISCUITS? But seriously though, WTAF?!

OP if it was me, I would rearrange the plates after she'd gone home, but I am a massive wuss. What I'd really want to do would be to tell her to leave the fucking plates alone. But I wouldn't.

I'm a bit schizophrenia about my plates, and really bipolar disorder about my bedding. But when it comes to my garden, I'm totally generalised anxiety disorder.

I'm also genocidal about my socks and frequently commit hate crimes against my washing-up.

Sorry, I am on your sil's side here. Crockery placed willy nilly makes me feel the rage. Therefore, unless I can do something about it, i stay far far away from anyones kitchen cupboards.

I always turn toilet rolls round to the PROPER way.

My mother has a 'system' for stacking plates that, in fifty six years, I have never been able to fathom. WhenEVER (as a child, as an adult, on any visit) I have washed up and put things away, she'd go straight to the cupboard and rattle away with the crockery, muttering about 'things being in the wrong places'. She's the same with the airing cupboard.

I have no bloody idea how it's all supposed to go, Size order, that should be good enough, surely!

I do not understand why you didn't say 'stop that!' and give her a deathstare the instant she started rearranging your cupboard.

Seriously, your kitchen is not her territory, it is yours. Rearranging it to suit herself is claiming your territory. She's like a tomcat spraying piss on your carpets. Stop her, and make it clear she's not to do it again.

It depends - is your SIL just doing it because she has a quirk about it and it pains her to see it not done her way but she isn't trying to goad, criticise or control you? If so then I'd let it go. However, if like Whereyouleftit describes and it is about being the King Dong and control then you need to stand up for yourself./

I think your SIL is really fucking rude!

If she does it again, which seems likely, just say firmly "Stop! - Don't touch my plates I don't want them reorganised." If she continues you will have to tell her to get out of the kitchen.

Quark

Did yOu manage to remove the marker from your denby?

@theothersock!

What must be going on in your mind to think it's ok to reorganise another person's stuff without permission??