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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone else bought my sister a 'sister' charm for her bracelet

132 replies

Changesorter · 17/02/2017 21:34

My sister has a big birthday coming up. she collects charms for a popular form of charm bracelet. I had saved to get her a nice sister charm only to find her SIL (my brother in laws sister) has bought her thr very same one.

Abu to be a bit nose out of joint about this. At the end of the day my brother in laws wife is not my sisters sister. There's only one and that's me!

OP posts:
OrchidaceousRose · 18/02/2017 04:15

Just both give her the same charm. Then she can feel comforted and loved by the fact of having lots of people who love her and consider her a sister.

Is some of this caused by confusion over what a charm saying "sister" denotes? I.e. You are giving it thinking it says "This charm was bought by your sister" i.e. A sister charm is given by a sister, whilst your sister's sister-in-law (is that right?) is giving it thinking it says "This charm is given because I think of you as a sister" I.e. This charm is given to a sister. So she's saying "You're like a sister to me" or "we're all sisters under the skin" - a token of female solidarity.

Now the word sister is some bizarre surreal unworldly creation that runs round my head inanely:

'Heaven help the mister,
Who comes between and my sister
And heaven help the sister
Who comes between me and my man."

Are you sister wives?

TaliDiNozzo · 18/02/2017 06:45

I think it's sweet but weird.

AteRiri · 18/02/2017 07:22

I dunno, it seems kinda sweet. Some people treat other people as siblings.

Original poster
Changesorter · 18/02/2017 08:14

Do I win a prize for the most confusing thread ever?

Interesting divide on this. Thank you for all your suggestions. I think I might go ahead anyway as I like the thought of her having two people that love her as sisters and the charms signifying that. That is a nice perspective on the situation

I am happy my sister is loved by her inlaws but dissappointed at the joint gift. Some of you seem to think I'm angrier than I am. Hence my Op saying a bit 'nose out of joint' rather than fuming or similar.

OP posts:
Doublemint · 18/02/2017 08:22

YANBU but I don't know what you can do about it now. If my SIL bought me a sister charm I would find it a bit odd to be honest and my sister would be really hurt.

If I was in your position I would be hurt too. No matter how close your sister is to her SIL that doesn't trump an actual sister and the SIL should respect that.

CircleofWillis · 18/02/2017 08:27

They probably don't have a sister in law charm. I think of and treat my sister in laws in the same way I think of and treat my sisters but they have been around a LONG time. I think you are right to be annoyed your gift has been preempted but unreasonable to think she had no right to give a sister charm too.

RobotLover68 · 18/02/2017 08:43

Changesorter's sister is married to "Bob" - it's Bob's sister - hence SIL

YANBU OP, I'd be pissed off too

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 18/02/2017 08:49

She is my 'blood' therefore my family. The woman who.bought her the gift isn't her 'blood'

I'm sure you don't mean to imply that 'family' is somehow defined by blood relationships.

Thinkingblonde · 18/02/2017 08:52

OP, Put these words together...soul feel jewellery...google to find a firm selling charms to fit the well known brand, they also fit other brands too.
They are good quality, less expensive charms and in 925 silver. They do a lovely one that you can put a picture on, you upload the pic and they do the rest.

BadToTheBone · 18/02/2017 08:55

My sil buys me things with sister on them, makes me feel weird as I have my own sister, who I love. I don't tell sil though, I smile and give her a hug. I do love her and I'm the closest thing to a sister she has and we like the relationship we have.

Original poster
Changesorter · 18/02/2017 08:56

Very bitch. That response was in direct reply to another person above. Hence my use of inverted commas. That person said Blood is blood etc. I was merely clarifying the relationship between us.
I certainly do not define relationships by blood relatives alone.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 18/02/2017 08:57

I can understand why you're annoyed OP, I'd be a bit marked too. But honestly just be grateful she wants to make an effort in your lives and buys lovely gifts.

I've got a set of maternal grandparents who haven't so much as got my DCs a birthday card in the last ten years. Heaven help you if he doesn't get a card from you though Hmm

BadToTheBone · 18/02/2017 08:57

I should say though, I've never bought sil anything with sister on it, she'd love me too but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Iris65 · 18/02/2017 09:07

She has two sisters, so she can wear two charms. 💍

redfairy · 18/02/2017 09:14

I'd feel miffed. Get your gift in first then invite DSis out for a 'sisterly' spa day excluding the wicked SIL. Joking of course but YANBU to feel a bit Hmm about it.

jennielou75 · 18/02/2017 09:16

Merci maman is a company that does amazing personalised stuff. I have their silver bangle engraved with my name and it arrived in three days. Soulfeel charms are the photo ones and I used them after my wedding. The charms are lovely but take a while.
I am buying bangles for three nieces who are 21 this year with their full name and birthdate on.
Jennie

diddl · 18/02/2017 09:18

Sounds weird to me too.

I have a sister who wanted one of these (which I did get her), but she'd been hinting to her daughter about it (wtaf??!!) who refused to get her one.

I do see this stuff on FB though about "sister from another mother"...

LemonRedwood · 18/02/2017 09:20

The clue is in the title - sister-in-law. She is her sister, by marriage and in law.

YABU.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 18/02/2017 09:22

I'm assuming they're quite close friends outside of familial relationships?

Niskayuna · 18/02/2017 09:44

YANBU. She's not her sister, buying sister things is weird. She's not her mother, aunt or gran either, and buying those things would be weird.

I guess you'll have to return yours and just think "well that was weird", ultimately it's up to your sister how she takes it (which will probably be 'she's a bit of a weirdo, isn't she, do you think she regifted this?')

SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun · 18/02/2017 10:02

I think if your sister asked specifically for these charms for her birthday from everyone then it was quite likely there would be a repeat.

You definitely have first dibs on the sister one - it would be really odd for sil to give that one and you to give a generic one. I can see the two people who love her like a sister point of view.

I think you should discuss it with the SIL because she will be the one feeling most sheepish if she doesn't know about it in advance and isn't comfortable with giving the same as you.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 18/02/2017 10:05

You are not being unreasonable!

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 18/02/2017 10:07

Simple solution.. give your gift first!

JoanofNark17 · 18/02/2017 10:08

Sister is a biological/adoptive relationship. You dont just become somebody's sister

I don't agree. My husbands sister (so the same relationship as in the OP) and I call each other sisters. I've known her since she was 5 years old, I'm her big sister as far as she is concerned, and vice versa.
The difference here though is that neither of us have a sister, only several brothers each, which is an important distinction perhaps.

JoanofNark17 · 18/02/2017 10:11

OP - ChangeSorter (CS)/ ChangeSorters Sister (CS-S)/ C-S is married/ Mr CS-S has a brother, The brother, has a sister let's call her Mavis

No! Don't be daft. MR C-S brother wouldn't need another brother to have a sister.
Its much simpler. OP has a sister, who is married to a man with a sister (OP's sisters SIL). See?

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