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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone else bought my sister a 'sister' charm for her bracelet

132 replies

Changesorter · 17/02/2017 21:34

My sister has a big birthday coming up. she collects charms for a popular form of charm bracelet. I had saved to get her a nice sister charm only to find her SIL (my brother in laws sister) has bought her thr very same one.

Abu to be a bit nose out of joint about this. At the end of the day my brother in laws wife is not my sisters sister. There's only one and that's me!

OP posts:
harleysmammy · 17/02/2017 22:27

Actually i take what i said back, it just clicked in my brain that i call my brothers wife sister instead of sister in law but only because we're extremely close (had babies at the same time), im very close to my brother too and she's also an only child so i dont know if it makes it different as she sees me as the sister she doesnt have and she has no siblings to get upset over our friendship. However if she bought me something with sister on, i think my sister would feel a bit left out

LucyFuckingPevensie · 17/02/2017 22:28

Ha, another subject that MN is divided on.
Personally, I think yabu.
My sil, often tells me I am like a sister to her, she would do something like this. No, we are not technically sisters. Obviously technicalities matter more to some people than others. It's something I would just let go tbh.
Fwiw sil Dad passed away when she was a lot younger . She asked my Dad to walk her down the aisle when she married my brother. He did, and it was lovely. Nobody got all humpy because he isn't related to her. It's just a nice gesture for someone you care about.

ADishBestEatenCold · 17/02/2017 22:35

Would it be possible for you to contact your BIL's sister, Changesorter? Perhaps write her a note, explaining that you have just heard that she has bought the self-same gift that you have bought for your sister's birthday. Tell her you bought it some time ago and would it be possible for her to change hers for a different charm?

Not an unreasonable request and I think it would be very surprising if she were to refuse.

KanyeWesticle · 17/02/2017 22:39

My sister-in-law, DH's sis, loves calling me sister. It's just her and her brother, she has never had a sister, and she loves the idea of sisterly coffee ship trips, shopping trips etc. I could imagine her doing this, completely kindly, without any thought to my 'blood' sister. The good relationship between your DSis and her DSIL should be celebrated. Just choose a different gift.

WhyPost · 17/02/2017 22:39

It wouldn't bother me at all. I would think it was sweet and funny. I can't see how it's insulting or annoying. How does Her giving her sister-in-law a 'sister' charm have any effect on your relationship with your sister. Your 'sister'ness' is not being diluted.

ApplePaltrow21 · 17/02/2017 22:42

you've given no context. are they close? was it deliberate? do you all get along?

reuset · 17/02/2017 22:43

Understandable. Not much you can do though, OP. Buy another sister charm, if there is one, and a better one Grin

Bahh · 17/02/2017 22:46

does it matter who is or isn't blood?!

Friends are the family you choose for yourself. As someone has previously said her best friend is like her sister. My mam had a distant cousin she grew up with who was like a sister.

This is playground stuff! I used to do this when I was little. We had a nursery teacher nicknamed Auntie M who I was actually related to. I used to go round telling the other children not to call her Auntie anymore because she was only my Auntie and so I was the only one allowed to call her that. Difference is I was 4 :/

maggiecate · 17/02/2017 22:46

I don't think YBU to be feel a bit off - it's fine to feel a bit "but what about me?!?!?" - but I also don't think SIL IBU either! You feel the blood relationship makes a difference and your SIL doesn't, and neither of you are wrong, you just have different views.

Your sister knows who she grew up with, who she shares those memories with, and nothing your SIL gives her with change that - but it's great that she's married into a family who love her like one of their own too.

I think your DSis would be incredibly touched and moved to get the same charm from both of you, it would be lovely for her to look at her bracelet and know that there are two people who think of her as a sister, even if one came as part of the package with her DH!

katheroo · 17/02/2017 22:47

Is it just me or is the word 'sister' starting to sound really weird

TeethDrama · 17/02/2017 22:50

Yanbu. I bet that charm was on offer tho and that's why she chose it!

Twogoats · 17/02/2017 22:50

Maybe your sister asked her to buy it?

Either way, it's not a big deal really. I'm sure you'll find something else for her.

PeanutButterLips · 17/02/2017 22:57

Every comment on here has the word sister that it's starting to look like a weird word now GrinConfused

chillx · 17/02/2017 23:04

My MIL bought me a charm with Daughter on it, I wasn't comfortable with it. I wondered how her estranged (at the time) actual daughter would feel if she knew about it. At this moment in time I'm tempted to find out!!!!

Italiangreyhound · 17/02/2017 23:05

It's a bit weird and very annoying.

I would get her an even better sister charm. You could get one specially made.

I've seen some with personalized messages and even a photo. A tiny one.

But don't hold a grudge just laugh and say 'Great minds think alike!'

Because they do.

Soozikinzi · 17/02/2017 23:07

But she's your brothers sister !

MagicMojito · 17/02/2017 23:08

Id be annoyed by it tbh. Id obviously not say anything as it absolutely does sound ridiculous but yes.
"I'm her sister, not you. Piss off!"
Grin

I like reuset 's idea.

BlondeBecky1983 · 17/02/2017 23:10

YABU. It's nice that they get on so well as in laws!

downwardfacingdog · 17/02/2017 23:12

My SIL (as in my husband's sister) bought me a 'sister' charm and I was so touched. I loved it. I don't have any blood sisters though - only brothers who wouldn't think to get me something like that. I don't think it's weird for the SIL to do it but can kind of see why you're put out.

BraveButShaking · 17/02/2017 23:16

I'd be upset too. I have 3 wonderful sisters. We all have special relationships with other people in our lives, but they are not their sisters.
Butt out non-sisters!

littlefrog3 · 17/02/2017 23:20

I don't get it? What rellie is she?????????

JayneAusten · 17/02/2017 23:20

I get that you're disappointed about the duplicate gift as that's always frustrating but I really don't understand how anyone could object to someone's sister in law loving them so much that they want to give them a token that shows they think of them as their own blood. It's really lovely! As someone who loves your sister, just be happy for her that she has lots of people who clearly think a lot of her. It's HER birthday after all. It's not about you and it takes away nothing from you.

Italiangreyhound · 17/02/2017 23:33

frog - Changesorter says "... my sisters husbands sister has bought the charm..."

CaptainCabinets · 18/02/2017 03:21

Is 'sister' even a word? It stopped looking like a word about 16 posts in. Confused

GreyStars · 18/02/2017 03:39

I think this is the relationship

OP - ChangeSorter (CS)
ChangeSorters Sister (CS-S)

CS-S is married
Mr CS-S has a brother

The brother, has a sister let's call her Mavis.

Mavis has brought CS-S a charm.

So ChangeSorters, BiL's, sister

However OP did say that Mavis was her BIL sister but also his wife Grin which would be very unreasonable indeed.

I think it's quite nice actually, but can imagine it was disappointing if you had planned to do this for her, hopefully your bil will have a chat with Mavis or whatever her name is in RL.

Of course I may be wrong about all of this