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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone else bought my sister a 'sister' charm for her bracelet

132 replies

Changesorter · 17/02/2017 21:34

My sister has a big birthday coming up. she collects charms for a popular form of charm bracelet. I had saved to get her a nice sister charm only to find her SIL (my brother in laws sister) has bought her thr very same one.

Abu to be a bit nose out of joint about this. At the end of the day my brother in laws wife is not my sisters sister. There's only one and that's me!

OP posts:
badg3r · 17/02/2017 22:04

How did you find out OP, given that the birthday hasn't been yet?

Original poster
Changesorter · 17/02/2017 22:04

I just realised I an error in my Op that's really confused everything!

Its my sisters husbands sister..not wife :) oh dear

OP posts:
piginboots · 17/02/2017 22:04

You are being massively precious.

MrsJayy · 17/02/2017 22:04

She is still her family tbf i know you are put and maybe a tad jealous but does it really matter it is a charm

Bahh · 17/02/2017 22:05

I think YABU, assuming your sister and her SIL are close.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 17/02/2017 22:05

YANBU. A sister charm should come from her sister, NOT her husband's sister. This would piss me off, but I get annoyed by my brother's DPs sister calling him brother all the time on social media, they don't even live together, not engaged or anything, he isn't her brother or BIL.

MrsJayy · 17/02/2017 22:05

Ofgs who the hell is it you had a few sherries op Grin

Original poster
Changesorter · 17/02/2017 22:06

I have bought it, I excitedly showed BIL only for him to pipe up..'oh my sister has bought her that same one'

OP posts:
Love51 · 17/02/2017 22:08

Is the purchaser from a different country / ethnicity to you? There can be cultural difference around inaccurate use of familial terms. No one has ever stepped on my toes, but the pedant in me has to be calmed.
I say this as someone who as a preteen thought feminism wasn't for me. I couldn't be part of the sisterhood, OP, I don't have a sister :(
It is a bit insensitive, but you can't react without looking oversensitive and controlling. Sorry.

Longislandicetee · 17/02/2017 22:10

Sorry but you're being weird. I call my sil "Sis" sometimes despite have 2 blood sisters whom I adore and no one comes close to touching the pedestals they're on. I am grateful that I get on well with my sil especially when I read some of the mumsnet stories. If one of my actual sisters got reacted in the same way as you I would seriously wonder about them and maybe nudge that pedestal down a bit.Grin

ohtheholidays · 17/02/2017 22:10

OP you've confussed me and I don't think I'm the only one!

So it isn't your Sisters SIL then?Then I'd find that very strange,can you ask her to take the charm back and say that you'd bought yours quite a while ago so can't return it,just incase she might refuse?

Original poster
Changesorter · 17/02/2017 22:11

Love51.

Nope. They are northerners...And sister and I from the Midlands so not world's apart.

OP posts:
TataEs · 17/02/2017 22:12

so presumably now bil knows you and fake sister have bought the same gift there will be a discussion and fake sister will return hers seeing as she is the fake sister?

or are u just giving identical gifts?

OfaFrenchmind2 · 17/02/2017 22:12

Yabu. Blood is not everything. My brother in law is my brother now, as I consider him a great guy that I would gladly call my family. My sister and I call his grand mother 'mamie' like he does. The 'in law' is irrelevant now.
Is your sister closer to her sil or to you now?

SilverHawk · 17/02/2017 22:14

It's even worse than calling your in-laws Mum and Dad.
She is a real wind up merchant and knows that DPs are too polite to tell her to stop. She also knows that they don't like it but carries on regardless.
I just inwardly say 'she/he is not your mother/father and keep my tongue and quiet.

WhiskeySourpuss · 17/02/2017 22:15

I am very close to my SIL - she's one of my best friends - but I'd be a bit Hmm if she gave me a gift with sister on it.

I have 2 sisters and I'd be annoyed if anyone other than me gave them a sister gift - they're not sisters I'm their only sister my family is very big & very confusing

badg3r · 17/02/2017 22:16

What is your relationship like with the sil? Can you mention to her that you have also bought it and take the lead from her response? Is bil likely to tell her you have bought the same one? Does your sister have other duplicate charms? Basically I guess the options are, one person has to swap for another charm or you both give them to your sister and she will either keep both or exchange one.

AuntMabel · 17/02/2017 22:18

Totally confused about the in law situation, but it might be a bit tricky to fit "for someone who's like a sister to me" on a tiny little charm.

Just buy a different charm. There are far nicer ones if it's the bracelet brand that rhymes with shamdora.

Snap8TheCat · 17/02/2017 22:18

I would make sure I gave it to her first and make the SILs one a double present 😝

BertieBotts · 17/02/2017 22:19

Do you have a favourite childhood memory or something you've shared which you could buy a charm about? For example if you were always playing pirates together and you found a skull or parrot charm.

badg3r · 17/02/2017 22:21

Or, given that these charms are a complete rip off anyway and provided there is time, can you get the dimensions and ask a local jeweller to make a custom one with something meaningful to both of you? It might be around the same price anyway.

MaisyPops · 17/02/2017 22:21

You would be unreasonable if you got angry or bitchy about it.

YaNBU to find it just a little bit odd. Sister is a biological/adoptive relationship. You dont just become somebody's sister. Its great they get on though so id ignore the gift (let your sister find it sweet/odd as she likes) nd focus more on your gift.

NeepNeepNeep · 17/02/2017 22:22

Wizard Grin I was going to say the same thing. Sister sister sister sister.

harleysmammy · 17/02/2017 22:23

I know its unreasonable but i think i'd be pretty cheesed off if someone bought my brother or my sister something with "brother" or "sister" on when they're not actually our siblings. But deep down i know its unreasonable, just get her something else with sister on x

NeepNeepNeep · 17/02/2017 22:24

I think I understand now. A diagram should be mandatory like on the parking threads.