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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to f*ck up my best friends big moment

115 replies

Disneyhasbrainwashedmyfamily · 17/02/2017 18:31

Help! I've been asked by my BFF's partner to find out her ring size so that he can propose! Swept up in the moment- so happy for them-I agreed! But seriously, how the Fuck am I meant to do this without giving the game away????

OP posts:
2014newme · 17/02/2017 18:58

The haribo ring is a perfect idea I would advise him to do that instead. Most people want to choose their own ring

roarityroar · 17/02/2017 19:02

OP. Best way - collude with her partner; get him to leave his keys and take her out then take one of her rings for sizing

2014newme · 17/02/2017 19:04

But why can't he just size the ring himself? Why would the op sneaking with his keys? Very bizarre he sounds incompetent perhaps your friend is better off single!

321zerobaby · 17/02/2017 19:05

Is he sure she wants him to choose her ring?

oneohfivethreeeight · 17/02/2017 19:06

Getting the ring first is a bloody stupid American idea. Do it the British way - propose and, if she accepts, you go and choose the ring together. Saves all this messing about and you're not Lt with a useless ring if she says "No!"

Oblomov17 · 17/02/2017 19:08

Print off a ring sizer like this:

Put it in the downstairs loo.

Chat, ask to see her ring. Try it on, nip to the toilet. You need to measure it properly. Because getting the ring size is critical.

MiddlingMum · 17/02/2017 19:10

My friend's DP proposed with a plastic ring from a Christmas cracker. Then took her to choose one herself. She always kept the plastic one though.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 17/02/2017 19:12

I always liked the buy the stone(s) put it in a box and propose with a rock scenario.

Very romantic, significant investment so a real declaration and the ring wearer gets to design the actual ring.

xyzandabc · 17/02/2017 19:15

I never wore rings, even now I only wear wedding/engagement rings. I wouldn't have a clue what my ring size was, back then I don't think I even knew ring sizes has a scale.
My dh borrowed my mountain biking glove without me knowing and took it to the jewellers with him. Along with a sketch of the ring he wanted made. They made a rough guess and weren't too far off!

Cakescakescakes · 17/02/2017 19:15

Tell him not to pick the ring!!! It's such a personal thing and with the best will in the world he will never pick exactly what she would choose herself.

Original poster
Disneyhasbrainwashedmyfamily · 17/02/2017 19:20

The problem is I no longer live in the U.K. So I can't just nip round or take her out to get her measured she's a clever girl I'm sure she would see straight though that/me anyway

Loving the blu tac idea and marking a place on his finger.
Before writing the post I had an idea that I would ask her to get her ring size for me as I'd seen some cool best friend rings on etsy that I wanted to get for old times sake! I would actually then go and buy them but she may think I've lost my remaining marbles or she may just guess!!!

It's such a lovely time for her that I just can't have her guessing!

OP posts:
sonyaya · 17/02/2017 19:21

Getting the ring first is a bloody stupid American idea. Do it the British way - propose and, if she accepts, you go and choose the ring together. Saves all this messing about and you're not Lt with a useless ring if she says "No!"

That's an American thing? I had no idea. My dad proposed to my mum with a ring he had bought 41 years ago.

I would have been gutted if my fiancé had proposed to me without a ring, it wouldn't have felt as special at all. It's personal preference and I'm sure OP's friend's DP knows what she would prefer.

OP if you can access one of her rings then sneak it onto a dinner candle so it snags the wax at the right point, perhaps while getting ready at hers for a night or or something. But it can be resized so it's not the end of the world!

sonyaya · 17/02/2017 19:22

Ah cross post with your update sorry

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/02/2017 19:22

Don't do it. You'll spoil the surprise & it quite likely won't be right anyway.

Tell him either to not choose the ring - put an el cheapo/kids fun ring in a box OR get the ring as it's sold and get it sized properly afterwards.

Questioningeverything · 17/02/2017 19:25

Can you say your man is talking about proposing and go together making a day of it cooing over rings etc? Both get measured up, make it exciting but about YOU.

Make him leave it a few months so the game isn't given away...

Original poster
Disneyhasbrainwashedmyfamily · 17/02/2017 19:25

I love the idea of a rock in a box! Very shocked a man has had the ingenuity to come up with that

The style of ring she likes has been the same since our teen years Wink so he's been well briefed there!

OP posts:
Jenniferb21 · 17/02/2017 19:27

Hi

My now DH just waited til I took one of my rings off for bedtime and put it on one of his smaller fingers to judge the size isn't he more equipped to do that or check her jewellery box when she's in the shower if she doesn't wear one often? I think any sort of suggestion from you at all is going to give the game away.

If that really can't be done why not suggest he proposes with a prop I even know someone who did it with a £20 ring from next and he said as he proposed this is a ring for you to wear in the meantime until you can choose your dream ring. I thought that was bloody lovely as it meant she could get a ring she absolutely loved rather than him guessing what style, colour and size she wanted.

X

OneWithTheForce · 17/02/2017 19:29

Does he not live with her?? Surely it's far easier for him to get her ring size than someone in another country??

ArchNotImpudent · 17/02/2017 19:33

Could you feign having seen a magazine article or similar that, for fun, matched different ring sizes to different personality types, or celebrities or something like that and ask her lightheartedly for hers in that context?

PageStillNotFound404 · 17/02/2017 19:34

I wouldn't do it, sorry. I like an elaborate plan as much as the next person but if he genuinely wants it to be a surprise, it's a massive risk that she'll guess if you suddenly start twittering about rings. And personally I'd want to (and did) choose my own engagement ring, since I'm the one wearing it for - hopefully - the rest of my life.

I'd suggest the Haribo idea to him, and then leave him to it.

Rioja123 · 17/02/2017 19:35

Any ring he buys can be resized. Or he can take one of her existing rings to the jeweller.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 17/02/2017 19:40

I Used to work in a jewellers
I had some brilliantly creative ways of guessing ring size but the best one was a man who brought me in a paintbrush (a big house painting type rather than picture painting one) He'd put on of her rings on the handle and marked the spot it went down to!

Certainly the place I worked for was well versed in the art of swapping a ring for the right size or resizing (I actually secretly liked it when they came back to do this as I got to hear how the planned proposal had gone and meet the woman - 'twas lovely)

Butteredpars1ps · 17/02/2017 19:41

Was going to recommend DH's strategy. He drew round one of my rings and took it to the jewellers with him! Not sure how that would work from abroad though...

Batteriesallgone · 17/02/2017 19:48

But if you bought best friends rings she wouldn't wear it on her ring finger would she? My ring finger is a good couple of sizes smaller than my index. I think him doing it while she's asleep is the best bet

Notso · 17/02/2017 19:49

Getting the ring first is a bloody stupid American idea. Do it the British way - propose and, if she accepts, you go and choose the ring together. Saves all this messing about and you're not Lt with a useless ring if she says "No!"

I'm British and apart from me and DH I don't know anyone else who has been proposed to without a ring from Grandparents down to DD's 17 year old friend. I felt really awkward and pressured picking my own engagement ring, I'd far rather DH had picked it.