AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

I would report her to the British Wheel of Yoga or whatever professional body she purports to work under. Totally unprofessional.

What i dont agree with is the trend (in USA mostly) to give the option of a c-section for no medical reason whatsoever.

You don't agree with maternal request sections oblada? How dreadfully misogynistic of you. Not really the sort of opinion you should be admitting to holding in polite company.

I had a planned CS for my DS due to health issues I have and when I look back at his birth I do feel there was a disconnect and I was quite detached from it all. It all felt very odd as one minute I was lying on a hospital trolley quite relaxed and then the next minute someone was holding a baby above me telling me it was mine and nothing in my brain made the connection. I remember looking at him and thinking he could have been anyone's because nothing I had done had caused him to arrive....he was just suddenly there and presented to me as mine.

I didn't get to hold him for about 30-45 minutes and if I'm honest I did find it hard to feel a bond/connection with him for a good while and I do think that the method of his birth played a role in that.

Little lion, I developed PND following a very traumatic vaginal delivery. I was fine after my c-section.

I can only speak from my own personal experience though, and that is it.

It's absolute bollox
I had one emcs and one planned. Bonded fine with both.

I've had two sections, one emergency and one planned.

The emergency was at the end of an awful, painful, invasive and ultimately failed induction. I was left labouring for far two long ( 12 hours on the drip!) and never made it past 2cm. This was on day 3 of the induction process. When the time came for the section I was beyond myself. I was sobbing, committing, shaking and because my epidural had not worked on one side I was in blind panic that I was going to feel the entire op. I did develop PND and it took me a long time to fall in love with my baby. It wasn't the section in itself, it was the awful experience of the induction. I also agree that I was hard on myself and felt like I had "failed" at birth. Counselling helped put it in perspective for me.

Second section ( elective) was totally different. Not pleasant but instantly bonded and fell in love with my second baby.

I had one of each; one vaginal and one emcs. No difference in the bonding, only difference was that I was less mobile and in more pain after the vaginal.

TheFull yes you're right re. trauma and emergency c sections. Certainly my friend's PTSD had everything to do with her attempted vaginal birth than the eventual c section. But I was under the impression that PND was closely linked with c sections across the board, not just the emergencies. Not judging by the way and of course there could be any amount of reasons for it. I had two very straightforward and uneventful vaginal births, but never felt under any pressure and would certainly have gone with a c section if the professional medical advice had been that way. Rather the safety of mum and baby, whatever the attendant potential 'risks' to mental health. Just throwing it out there as a possible reason why people might ask 'how do you feel about it?' in all innocence. My response would be similar to what I've said, in that I'd much rather the safe delivery of a baby, by whatever means.

I have 4 incredible kids, 2 were born "naturally" with ventouse, forceps and episiotomys with 3rd degree tears. 1 was born "naturally" with just g&a and so quick I thought i was giving birth to superman and 1 was a C-section after a fruitless labour. Have I bonded with them any different? No. Do I love them all the same? Yes. They've buggered up my body but they're all beautiful, amazing kids and I wouldn't change a thing.

I was having a bit of a Google and I couldn't find anything definitive about c sections and PND, certainly not anything that showed there is a close link.

The thing about emergency c sections is that there is no choice. You don't get to go with it as a choice over another option, it's not advice. It's, this baby needs to be out, now.

I've had 2 emergency C sections. If I hadn't, me and/ or baby would have died. There was no choice. It isn't a luxury. I didn't have PND with either birth. My boys are incredibly close to me. Yes my H did hold them both first. But who really cares as long as we are all healthy and safe. Tell your yoga teacher to sod off. Why are some women such bitches to other women? If men had babies they would all be done by c sections.

The object is to get mother and baby through the process alive and unharmed. I've had 3 CS.

I'm totally OK with my emcs at 35 weeks because against every odd, I have a 20 month old son.
Spontaneous labour but refused to dilate, his heart objected to the contractions. 30 hours after my waters went, 6 hours after contractions started I was still only a few cm dilated and he wasn't tolerating all the squished in an empty tummy.

He was pulled out blue and they fought hard to save him. They fought and fought and they operated and they fought some more. I didn't see him for 4 hours and then just broke down in hysterics. Didn't hold hom for 10 days and then on a pillow with three nurses assisting and watxhomg the monitors ready to steal him away. We bonded just fine!
Hes none verbal but when he throws up on the middle of the night, only my arms will do. I get first refusal on the second dummy if he manages to secure two. My arm, foot, chest is the preferred place to sit over anywhere else.

Thankfully no one has ever been insensitive enough to pass comments like I've read on here

What's sad is the attitude is sp ingrain, a young mom labouring at the same time as my DS and facing a c sec for baby's sake was wittering on down the phone about how if she went ahead she wouldn't bond with the baby, would dp this and that like of she had her properly. My sister firmly corrected her as she was on her third emcs and the girl was evidently relieved an emcs wasn't going to make her a crap mom
Imagine if she'd been next to the crappy yoga teacher!!

I used to think I'd have liked to have given birth vaginally (2 emergency sections), so I could have that experience. I ff my first and bf my second for 26m. I can hand on heart day my bond with my children is as strong as it could possibly be and no different to each other. Mine are 15 and 11 now and the birth was less than one day long, in all that time it's insignificant and is rarely even thought of at all.

I had an emergency c section and my son was born at 27 weeks. My milk didn't come in so I couldn't express for him, though I tried with the the very little that was there. He spent 10 weeks in hospital. It was a very hard time. I couldn't hold him until he was 10 days old. I loved him as soon as I was pregnant and it was hard to bond initially but it is hard through an incubator. It didn't mean that I loved him less or that I was any less of a mother. We are very close and have a loving relationship- he's 17 months now. I think that people who believe that about c sections are narrow minded and shallow. It doesn't make a difference if you can love your baby. Many people don't have the choice in how their baby is delivered so to look down on someone for that reason is disgusting.

PinguForPresident Fri 17-Feb-17 16:01:18
"I don't think it's a terrible thing to ask a mum who hass had an emergency CS how she is with it. By default, an emergency CS wasn't her planned birth. It wasn't what she wanted."

How do you know? When they came up and told me that they were going to have to give me an emcs, I tried very hard to look disappointed, as that was so evidently what I was expected to feel and they were so sweetly apologetic about it. But the thought that actually went through my mind was "thank fuck for that".

I was a very dutiful childbearer. I would never have asked for an elective section because it was not the expected thing, and I had been taught it was not the best thing for the baby unless in an emergency. But if someone was going to come up and save me from having to go through all that pain and hard work and bleeding and tearing in awkward places, and it wouldn't even be my fault...

But I would never have dared to tell a midwife this, because it was so much not what you were expected to feel.

I had EMCS at 34 weeks. It wasn't a choice. Or if it was, the choice was operate now or your baby dies. I struggled to bond and suffered with pnd, but I would suggest that was down to not seeing her for 2 days after she was born, not holding her for 4 days, having to walk out of a hospital without her, having done the same a year earlier due to stillbirth. Not the bloody method of my precious DD arriving into this world, which was down to the medical skill of the consultant who spotted a problem and acted upon it, for which I will be forever greatful.

I don't think it's a terrible thing to ask a mum who hass had an emergency CS how she is with it. By default, an emergency CS wasn't her planned birth. It wasn't what she wanted.
I'd much prefer people to ask how o am doing now he's here then focus on the bit in the middle I had no control over. And its so much in the tone and the context of it largely being patronising or offensive.
If my bf asked "so how did you feel having a c sec instead?" it'd come from a place of love. If its the stupid cow at yoga its more likely a judgement

Corythatwas I felt like that too! I wasn't allowed pain relief because my blood pressure was too low and the gas and air was making me vomit... the consultant walked out of the room saying he was 'calling it a day' and I thought he was sending me home! I remember begging my husband please tell them a c section now! And then a second later was handed a form and husband had scrubs... I remember thinking thank god this is all going to be over now! And the second I heard my son I was overwhelmed but in love...

I remember being at work in delivery suite and a woman came in to hospital from
home - she'd been hoping for a home birth - due to fetal distress. The baby was in trouble and was born white, floppy, not breathing but had been delivered in time and responded well to resuscitation and was fine.

I heard the hippy/drippy midwifery student tell the mother that her baby was like that at birth because "babies don't like to come out that way". I corrected her and told the woman that actually it meant that the delivery was an emergency and the baby absolutely needed to be born by section.

There's all this mystical woo bullshit about vaginal births. I've had 3 normal births and 1 section and felt just as proud of myself after the section than the others.

It's all quite controlling - the inference that if you have a normal birth, breastfeed, eat your placenta or whatever then you'll have the best ever birth experience/healthiest baby/happiest child. It puts women under a lot of pressure from the onset.

As far as I am concerned; I don't care what type of birth it is as long as we all make it through alive. Every parent bonds differently with their children so let nature take care of it.

I'd be finding a new yoga instructor.
I've had both a vaginal delivery (1st birth) and an emergency section (2nd birth). I found my first child hard to bond with because I was a youngish mum. Everyone would take over and for a long time I didn't feel like she was truly mine (pnd). My second birth was harder to recover from (24 staples and loads of stitches!) But the bond was instant.
It all depends on the mum. The way you give birth doesn't impact bonding.

But I was under the impression that PND was closely linked with c sections across the board, not just the emergencies.

Little can you quote the relevant article / research please?

FWIW I only know 3 people who have / had PND and all had straightforward vaginal births, one of them a "dream" birth at home, with relaxing music and the older children helping yadayadayada. The 2 ladies with the crash EMCS are quite happy (I think they are relieved that both baby and them are alive ).

ruedewakening - that must all have been very traumatic for you - I hope your surviving son is well and healthy now? x