AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

Owllady, yes, he's fine. I'm so sorry your DD is severely disabled from her birth, how utterly awful. From what you write it sounds so traumatic.

I mentioned years later to a friend who had a new job in a baby unit and she said 20 beats a minute is practically gone. He failed the apgar test twice I was told. The consultant was pulling on the forceps with his foot on the trolley bed I was on as the brake wasn't working so every time he pulled, he was pulling me off the bed. There was another Dr in the corner wincing according to my partner. The midwife was the first to say that's enough and thank god she did and I was knocked out with a general anaesthetic for the caesarian.

She came to me the next day and said she was putting it on record what happened if we needed to sue the hospital as she didn't agree with what he was doing.

We were lucky. Every consultant that visited him during the week said things would only become clear with time but after that he met every milestone.

Babies are getting bigger. I'm 5'2". My DS was almost 9lbs with a 39.5cm head. Back to back it's very hard to get a head out that size. I was two weeks over but the bump hadn't moved down as I don't think there was anywhere for him to go. He was never getting out the natural way. Years ago we would have both died without a doubt so for this midwife who I'd never seen before to make a point of cornering me the day after I had him to tell me to opt for natural childbirth next time as I could still do it annoys me. Sorry for you DD, Owllady.

for this midwife who I'd never seen before to make a point of cornering me the day after I had him to tell me to opt for natural childbirth next time as I could still do it annoys me

wtaf..? Am on your behalf. Next time when you're worried to death about whether your child is permanently damaged? Ah but as long as you have a lovely waterbirth with dc2. It just beggars belief.

I wandered in with my lavender and clary sage oil and hypnobirthing on the ipod. Absolutely no amount of positive thinking and deep breathing was going to turn ds from back to back, with his head at a funny angle and his shoulders stuck. I had an EMCS (after 36 hours) I was utterly exhausted and smacked off my tits from all the drugs.

That was almost 12 weeks and I still feel like an epic fucking She-Ra.

Surgeon said it was a good job I never dilated past 6 cm as he would have done some serious damage if he hadn't come out of the sunroof (My pelvis is small and he was almost 9lb). Years ago, before medical intervention, we'd both have died.

This thread is making me both angry and a but sad. I can't believe this level of ignorance still exists, especially among professionals working with pregnant or post partum women!

I bonded with both my babies while they were in my womb. And then I bonded with them lots more in the many months and years after their birth.

Birth is a miracle and a wonderful thing. Because you get a baby at the end! End of.

Sigh.

First birth - induced, 3 day labour, forceps, episiotomy, 3 months to heall due to infection. Sore to pee, sore to walk, felt horrendous for over a year

Second baby - section after failed induction. Could walk and pee less than 12 hours later. Minimal pain compared to "natural birth". Felt it was easier to bond with baby as I wasn't in shock.

If people only go through textbook births they'll have opinions like this....but most people had a rough time of it and know better

I've done both
Made absolutely no difference

I know Basicbrown. I was so numb with it all the day after I couldn't say much to her. Only much later I got annoyed thinking it was unprofessional of her. She definitely targeted me to put her view in at a time when it wasn't appropriate - she wasn't even working on my ward or area, she just turned up and I didn't see her again the whole week.

I had an elective C section with the next. All calm and I was awake this time. I bonded with both just fine. Natural childbirth to me is very scary and uncontrollable.

I had another midwife say you'll never breastfeed as you had a GA and he didn't get the colostrum and he couldn't latch on as his head hurt as he was in so much pain squealing. He was cup fed and then bottle fed the first week. I did breastfeed him in the end but didn't manage to establish it until a whole week later when I got home and phoned some breastfeeding advice line. She told me to stay in bed for the next two weeks and just keep putting him on the breast. You're so vulnerable and you know so little and MN wasn't around then that I didn't know any of these things. To be told I wouldn't be able to breastfeed on top of that was upsetting.

audrey I had a similar labour except ended up with manual manipulation then rotational forceps, episiotomy, tear etc. Baby was also almost 9lbs and small pelvis. With damage to myself and the baby. I'm actually furious they didn't give me a c-section. I was in too much pain and utterly exhausted so just trusted their decision.
I think my hospital is trying to bring down their c-section rate. I'm so glad they didn't do this to you also.

I had my son by emcs, not my choice obviously but we were very lucky, I had a placental abruption. Lost count of the number of times I've heard " oh I thought you booked in for a section" and in tesco the other day the girl on the checkout asked me " so did you have him yourself?" What the absolute fuck??!!! What does that even mean??? I was going to say actually no I got my husband to do it, far too much effort for me

My daughter would have probably died if she came out naturally. I have had no problems bonding with her

Urgh I hate this. I had an emergency section, couldn't breast feed and was made to feel like I wasn't a proper mum. Being a parent, mum or dad, is hard enough. I don't see the need to judge others.

I had an emergency c section 8 days at home. Am curled up at home with my beautiful baby girl. I didn't want the c section but my baby was in distress and it was the only option to ensure that we both were safe.

Most people that i have talked to about it understand that the issues that i have surrounding the surgery were the fact that everything moved to quickly and i felt so out of control. It was an issue of being terrified something was going to go wrong. In that sense i am not ok with what happened. It was simultaneously the best and most traumatic experience of my life.

There is one person i feel judged by cause i had the surgery, even though the circumstances have been explained to her.

I hate the way some people feel the need to one up on other people. There is no right way to have a baby. The only thing that matters is both mother and baby cone through healthy and happy. Its the same with so much when it comes to motherhood. 8 days in and it already seems like a competition.

Going against the grain slightly here, but isn't it statistically more likely for a woman to have PND after a c section? Also, emergency c sections are performed when vaginal delivery isn't going well. Therefore many women also suffer PTSD regarding their birth experience, which must interfere with bonding. Reading these replies it's clear that c sections don't always affect the bonding process. But there does seem to be some statistical evidence that suggests women are more susceptible to mental health issues following an unsuccessful vaginal birth and a c section.

I've had 2 elective c sections. I don't like that they're called 'elective' - like it's something I chose. 'Planned' would be better.
Anyway, I don't feel I've missed out in any way.

littlelion I believe that's due to birth trauma rather than the actual c-section itself. A difficult vaginal birth can be just as traumatic.

KayTee87 The surgeon more or less said to me that she'd have pushed for forceps delivery had i dilated and that she was glad I didn't. I am so sorry that happened to you

Thanks Audrey, I will be asking for a section the next baby. I'm so annoyed they got me to push the baby down past the spines for over an hour (he didn't engage himself due to awkward position) knowing that he would never come out without 'help.' All the while that I was pushing, his poor face was battering against my pelvis

I'm so sorry to hear the stories on this thread.

Annie my daughter was delivered when her heart went down to 40. They made the immediate decision and off we went.

Recently I heard Vicky foxcrofts speech in the House of Commons about her daughter who was born brain dead and died shortly after birth. She also had bradycardia but the hospital didn't seem to do much in any kind of hurry, and the baby's cord cut off its oxygen supply in the 20 minutes it took them dithering with forceps.
That was 20 years ago. I am so grateful that 20 years on, with luck on my side, they made the decision for a crash section so quickly with my daughter.

Gosh these stories have made me sad and pissed off for all of you who have had bad experiences.

The reason I find the question redundant is when my husband had his appendix out no one asked if he'd done it without pain relief/ if he'd minded the procedure - it's just a means to an end - both removing something from our bodies, mine however much more useful and loveable

I just wonder the people who are so open about being anti c section- what happens if they are ever put in a position where they have to have it? Surely it is much harder to deal with than someone who has accepted all possibilities

(my best friends a doctor and when I told her I was pregnant she said under no circumstances to obsess on a birth plan because it was highly unlikely to be followed to the letter)

I feel like it's fine saying that mums might struggle when it all doesn't go according to plan, but when asking 'were you ok with a section?' head tilt it's like saying that you shouldn't be. The reason it pisses me off is the people I know who have asked that have them gone on to say 'well I had x by natural birth and I was so empowered! I was so impressed what
My body could do all by itself/ it was so enlightening/ I got by without pain relief because I wanted to feel him enter the world' which is great.... one person even asked me if I'd had pain relief for my c section!

I have had 2 crash c-sections under GA. No time to think about it, DS1 was a failed epidural, failed ventouse and failed forceps - all with no pain relief. Needless to say he went into distress and I had a crash section and subsequent large PPH. DS1 was born with a fairly low apgar score and has SN. The same happened with DS2 and another crash / category 1 section and he also has SN. I'm just grateful they are alive, I saw first hand what a close call it can be. The time I spent in hospital alone with them both was actually lovely.

We have an amazing bond, no different to the one I have with DD, middle child who was a straightforward VBAC.

I remember my ex-mil weeping at my hospital bedside as 'I had to be cut open and miss out' after DS1. She was busy telling how I would have been 'inflated like a balloon' so they could make the incision.The midwife who was looking after me overheard and quickly put her straight. Ex Mil is a fucking twat

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel this way.

I had a section due to a high risk pregnancy and failed induction. I had no choice in the matter and was upset it came to it. However in retrospect I just think 'who gives a flying fuck as long as the baby and mother are ok'??? I'm likely to have section in a few weeks for my second for the same reasons and I really couldn't care less this time.

I think people who pay themselves on the back for being lucky as opposed to unlucky are massive tools.

I went on to bond well and quickly with my son and breast fed him for two years. I didn't need to give birth in a luke warm bath for that to happen!!

Sorry to hear that Trainspotting. It's such a shock. You're up in the delivery ward and have to be prepared for surgery and got down to the theatre while your baby is in trauma. The midwife - thank god - didn't wait for porters or anyone and she helped push me down with the bed banging into the wall while they got me to drink something (an antiemetic?), sign something and cut my nightie off. Decisions need to made faster than this as there are so many stories of this happening, including on this thread. I feel we were also incredibly lucky.

LittleLion if women who've had c-sections really are statistically more likely to have PND, I wonder whether this could have anything to do with the legions of people (from NCT teachers to midwives to doctors who have strict targets to reduce the number of c sections, to hypnobirthing practitioners, to random strangers on the street etc etc etc) who queue up to let us know what a massive failure / disappointment it is, how we haven't really given birth, how we've missed out on the most magical moment of our children's lives, a spiritual rite of passage in womanhood, etc. Does get you down a bit!

Some people have very weird ideas about childbirth, as if it's for the greater glory of the mother

YY its very odd, some people have highlighted some very very odd ideas though attached to birth. I faced it myself with a meeting with the head MW to see if I would like to have another natural birth second time round or go for the ELC I requested. I do feel she was brain washed, and was unable to look at me, my issues separately from the medical notes of my labour and birth - like for instance the consultant was able to do.

The consultant was able to balance my notes with my "story" and go from there which is what every consultant should do in my opinion.
Its like an un seen force at work agaisnt women re child birth.

little your post is all befuddled and confusing.

If a woman has gone through traumatic labour - and its ended up with a section how can you separate out what has caused the trauma most?

I don't believe that calm - planned ELC cause more trauma than normal labours. I don't believe you can rely on birth stats - as I said earlier - my first was text book, the head MW was swooning over my notes, how amazing it was, how lucky I was for a first timer. But I was traumatised, I broke down when I went back to the hosptial to talk about my second delivery and I saw the lifts I had used etc. I have met many many ladies with really awful horror stories and so many never mentioned it - or complained....