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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not want to leave DD aged 4 alone in a hotel room.

308 replies

Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:01

Going away this weekend, DH's parents are coming and have very generously paid for me and DH to go out for a meal, they said they'd watch DD in the hotel we are all staying in so we could have some time alone. Lovely.
However they've recently announced that they are going to settle DD in our room, call their room from our room and go back to their room and listen out for dd through the phone.
This doesn't sit right with me because surely hotel staff etc could access our room, what if they don't hear dd?
I'm trying to work out if I'm being precious here or if other people agree. It is making me feel a bit uneasy. They don't want to have to sit in the room with her as they'd need to be quiet so they didn't wake her... what the verdict mumsnet?

OP posts:
MotherofPearl · 16/02/2017 19:10

When I've been in this situation - i.e. trapped in a hotel room with my sleeping DC - I've found a few strategies for still having a bit of an evening. Dim lights/lamps are OK, have a glass of wine, and DP and I sometimes watch a film on the IPad using headphones. Or you can read a book if you're next to a lamp. Your PIL really need to get their priorities right! It's one night of their lives for heaven's sake!

MNHQ
CarolineMumsnet · 16/02/2017 19:12

Thanks for the reports. There is no blanket ban on mentioning Madeleine McCann on MN, it's an open case of a missing child and of course can be discussed. However, we will delete parent blaming as it's not in the spirit of the site.

Screwinthetuna · 16/02/2017 19:15

No way. If this is their only option, I'd be staying back at the hotel

LegoMam · 16/02/2017 19:18

I worked on Reception in a hotel some years ago and I can tell you that sadly, drunk people entering your room in the middle of the night is more common than you think. It happened a few times in our place because the Night Porter either programmed the wrong room number on the keycard or the drunk guest had him convinced that the wrong number was the right number.
Not only that but keycards are notorious for not actually working when you need them too, which means a long walk back to Reception to get it sorted out. Imagine your poor girl crying and your MIL has to faff around getting a new card.
And finally, I agree with everyone about the fire risk. Even if it's a false alarm, the noise alone would seriously frighten your child.
I don't think they can complain if you offer them the meal. I hope you still enjoy your weekend. They were lucky to be invited so don't let them ruin it for you.

bloodyteenagers · 16/02/2017 19:19

Hell would freeze over before I did this.
The phone hands free is it? Doubt it very much. Can you really imagine them sitting there all night holding the receiver to their ears? I give it 10 minutes before they think fuck that and put the receiver down on the side and occasionally listen in.

IwasAM · 16/02/2017 19:20

I would do this only if adjoining rooms or if had a full video monitor such as PP suggested (& I knew their eyes would be on it, which it very much sounds would not be the case in this instance).

No clue why they can't just have her snugging down in their room whilst they watch movie with some decent wine! I'm not a GP but can't imagine much nicer than that when I am TBH, gorgeous GD sleeping soundly whilst relaxing around her - sounds pretty perfect to me so slightly baffled why they are pushing against that Confused

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 16/02/2017 19:20

Nope, nope and some more nope. 4-year olds do NOT get left alone in a hotel room.

Kirriemuir · 16/02/2017 19:20

Again, I am a no. Can you ask for connecting rooms at all? That's the only way it would work for me.

IwasAM · 16/02/2017 19:21

Separately - and no, I'm not suggesting I or anyone else is the 'thread police' here before some bright spark plays MN Bingo and lobs it at me - but I do think the repeated points of reminding of the disappearance of Madeline McCann (a child who remains missingSadand whose parents may even see this) have now collectively already been more than driven firmly home, so it feels a bit unseemly for folks to keep repeating it now surely?

I'm sure OP has beyond heard it loud and clear, so feels a bit unnecessary for subsequent posters to keep repeating it (IMHO and out of respect for that family's horrific situationFlowers )

Wingsofdesire · 16/02/2017 19:22

What an idea. Sorry, no - at least one of them needs to be in the room. Why don't their take your daughter to their room? I would just say feel worried and please can she go to them. No discussion. Even my 8 year old wouldn't agree to that! And at four it's very possible she could wake up, etc, or someone could come in - no!

Figgygal · 16/02/2017 19:23

Absolutely no bloody way would I allow this your in laws are mad if they think that's appropriate

DixieNormas · 16/02/2017 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleepyRoo · 16/02/2017 19:25

Use a good video monitor and ask them to also check in person every 30 mins. I think that's OK - just about.

Inertia · 16/02/2017 19:25

Not a chance. Wouldn't trust them actually sit with her even if they say they will. Sounds like they are going out of their way to prove a point about you being unnecessarily anxious .

I would be tempted to let them have the booked dinner, and you take dad to Pizza Hut at teatime.

LubiLooLoo · 16/02/2017 19:30

Take a video baby monitor with you?

I wouldn't agree with the phone thing, because you can't hear everything clearly. But as long as their room is close by and you have a good baby monitor, that should be fine!

IntoTheDeep · 16/02/2017 19:30

I wouldn't be at all happy with this.

I have a 5.5 yr old and a 3.5 yr old. I think the chances of fire or an abductor entering the room are low, but certainly not unimaginably low.

The biggest concern I would have about my DC would be what might happen if they woke alone in the hotel room. Leaving aside the possibility of them being frightened if they woke alone in a strange hotel room - they're both old enough to get themselves into mischief but not old enough to fully understand how to keep themselves safe. They're both old enough to know how door handles work, and even the 3.5yr old is big enough to manage opening most doors alone. And a typical hotel room door can be opened from the inside without a key.
I can all too easily imagine a scenario where my 3.5 or 5.5 yr old wakes alone and decides to leave the hotel room to find grandparents - and that could lead to all sorts of trouble.

I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a nice meal out if I knew one of my DC was sleeping alone in a hotel room, even if grandparents were just next door but one.

UnicornPiss · 16/02/2017 19:31

Absolutely no. No no no no no!!! For all the reasons already posted above. And just think once it's been done one time then there would be no reason why they wouldn't expect it to happen again! Just say no sorry we are not going to leave dd in a room on her own please feel free to go for the meal in our place.

callmeadoctor · 16/02/2017 19:31

Have you checked with hotel about a connecting room or suite? In laws may not have even bothered to check, then thought it didn't matter.

Also there may have been a room cancellation today, so not too late to check with hotel, even now!

MrsTarzan1 · 16/02/2017 19:33

No, I wouldn't like this either x

AskBasil · 16/02/2017 19:41

Don't worry about not wanting to upset them.

They don't give a shit if they upset you or your DD, do they?

Sometimes people like that get away with awful behaviour because everyone else continues in polite, considerate mode and don't notice the fact that they aren't.

It's absolutely horrible to tell a mother that you're going to leave her 4 year old dd alone in a hotel room.

Think about it. It's horrible. What civilised person would say that to a mother?

And yeah, they may have done it in the 70's but after Madeleine McCann, they should know that this might be a very sensitive issue and ask first if that would be OK before offering to babysit and then tell you they plan to not actually babysit.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 19:42

Coconut- no I don't think I can now.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 16/02/2017 19:42

Not only would I not do this but I wouldn't trust them with my kids. They seem to think its ok to say one thing and do another very risky thing.

AskBasil · 16/02/2017 19:45

Oh yes totally agree with DJBaggy - I would lose all faith in their ability to look after my kids tbh.

And no the fact that your kids survived till adulthood, doesn't make you a suitable babysitter for my kids. Grin

user1487269128 · 16/02/2017 19:45

say thanks but no thanks , change the booking and all go out together

strangeclouds · 16/02/2017 19:48

I travel a lot for work and I never feel totally safe alone in hotel rooms - and I'm an adult. I always prop a chair behind the door as a makeshift barrier/alarm. As others have said, all kinds of random people could access the room. Hotel room keys/locks are not at all secure. Keys are often hung behind vacant reception desks, handed out to anyone who asks and of course available to anyone who's ever worked at the hotel.

Things that happen in hotels: overnight fire alarms and evacuations, random guests knocking on the door/trying to get into the room, drunken guests rampaging up and down corridors, loud strangers talking just outside/knocking on doors nearby, staff coming in during the evening for a turn-down service or to check/fix things. These are all fairly common, in my experience. Thinking of a 4-year-old alone in a room being exposed to this is worrying.

Really really bad things (an actual fire, violent intruders) are thankfully very unlikely but they do happen occasionally.

Apart from risk to your child and fear on her part, there are so many practical issues your ILs don't seem to have considered. The phone suggestion is bizarre. Also, have they thought about the risks in a hotel room that don't exist in a house bedroom: electric appliances, hot taps, bath ? And were they planning to lock your daughter in?? This isn't generally possible; locks are designed to open automatically when the handle is turned from the inside, so there'll be nothing to stop your daughter leaving the room to look for you. (I did this as a child and wandered around a hotel in my nightie).