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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to leave DD aged 4 alone in a hotel room.

308 replies

Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:01

Going away this weekend, DH's parents are coming and have very generously paid for me and DH to go out for a meal, they said they'd watch DD in the hotel we are all staying in so we could have some time alone. Lovely.
However they've recently announced that they are going to settle DD in our room, call their room from our room and go back to their room and listen out for dd through the phone.
This doesn't sit right with me because surely hotel staff etc could access our room, what if they don't hear dd?
I'm trying to work out if I'm being precious here or if other people agree. It is making me feel a bit uneasy. They don't want to have to sit in the room with her as they'd need to be quiet so they didn't wake her... what the verdict mumsnet?

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 16/02/2017 18:41

At this point I've lost all faith in them and would be really upset that even after you (or your dh) have told them you're not ok with it they are still pushing the issue. I would shut this straight down now, no negotiations, I couldn't leave my child with them and feel happy that they can/will make safe, good decisions.

phoenix1973 · 16/02/2017 18:41

No.

coconutpie · 16/02/2017 18:42

Can you change your train time?

GabsAlot · 16/02/2017 18:43

sounds like a nice gesture gone wrong

same as giddy we were left in the 70's in a butlins chalets an people walked round listening out for crying children which i frequently did-nightmare

just say the hotel wont allow it and leave it at that-if they wont want to stay in a room for about 2 hours or so then theyre not really genrous

ElderDruid · 16/02/2017 18:43

I was going to say there's one screaming reason why she should be left unattended.

farfarawayfromhome · 16/02/2017 18:45

God no please don't do this. They want to enjoy their evening? Well unfortunately this is part of traveling with a child when you are sharing a room. It's one night out of their lives!

We travel often and I've lost count of the amount of nights we've had quiet room service and lights our early with Dd sleeping in a corner.

We usually pay more for a bigger room or junior suite so there is more space, but still it's an early night. It would never cross my mind to leave Dd alone in the room.

farfarawayfromhome · 16/02/2017 18:47

To me it's no different to her being in her bedroom upstairs while you/them/babysitter is downstairs with a baby monitor."

Erm only you have a key to your front door, thus giving an element of security. Countless people have hotel room keys.

user1484394242 · 16/02/2017 18:49

If they decided now (after your DH's 2nd phonecall) that they will stay in the room, I just wouldn't believe them tbh. Nothing stopping them from going back to their own plan once you leave for the restaurant.

We stayed in a 3* hotel recently and booked 2 rooms next door each other. 2 x 16 year olds in 1 room, DH, me and toddler in the other. They didn't have rooms available next door so put us in opposite rooms. Was fine for us but the rooms were sound proofed and we couldn't hear the opposite room opening and closing the door. Your ILs said they are next door but one, but even if they managed to get a room right next door they may not hear your DD if she got out of the room.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 16/02/2017 18:49

Could you get the meal delivered by room service if you can't get ils to mind your dd properly or get interconnecting rooms. Try ringing the hotel and explaining the situation. Maybe they didn't ask.

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/02/2017 18:50

Could they sit quietly with her till she falls asleep & then use a baby monitor?

Would that be an option? I think I'd trust that more than the phone thing.

If not then they really need to stick with the original plan!

willowpatterned · 16/02/2017 18:51

YANBU at all.

Years ago we stayed in a big, city centre hotel with some friends. They had a 1 year old. It was just a one night stop over on the way somewhere and I assumed we'd all just have a big lunch and then snacks in the rooms. No.

Friends booked dinner at the hotel restaurant. Restaurant was in the basement. Room was on the 3rd floor. They put their one year old to bed, left him alone and went out for dinner. Every hour or so they went to check on him. I was appalled.

I have my own dc now and over my dead body would I leave them alone in a hotel room.

If there was a fire, you wouldn't be allowed upstairs.

Anyone could have a key. Just think how many people work at big hotels.

There could be dangers and hazards in the room.

Your dc could wake up and be distressed (especially as they're in an unfamiliar place) and no one would hear them.

No, no, no, no, no.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 16/02/2017 18:51

Nope, wouldn't do that.

Mossop17 · 16/02/2017 18:52

would going in and out of the room every 20 minutes not increase the chances of waking her up? especially if the lights come on in the room when the door opens? Id suggest this is highly possible and its best they stay in the room so she stays asleep! Could you have the meal skip dessert (or take it with you) and hot foot it back to the hotel so you arent gone long? so that they can go back to their room sooner? or pretend to be ill so you have to be back sooner? Does the hotel have any policies on unattended minors that you could wave under their noses??

I would also not be happy with their arrangement, or could they take turns if they are only a door away, 30 minute shifts until you are back?

gluteustothemaximus · 16/02/2017 18:53

Sounds like every birthday/family occasion we ever had.

It doesn't seem that bad, but making someone get the same train, is controlling. Sounds like a lovely weekend turning nightmarish that didn't need to.

They need to realise they've been 'invited' to fit in with your plans. Not invited to take over.

Not easy this one. You'll need your DH's full backing on this one, or it'll paint you as the baddie even though they're the insane ones thinking of leaving a 4 year old alone

Giddyaunt18 · 16/02/2017 18:53

I feel for you OP, these things can be tricky but really don't worry about what they think of you. Let them take the meal and have a nice time on your own without them. Pat yourself on the back for sticking to your guns, lucky DD.

DriftingDreamer · 16/02/2017 18:54

Your dh is going to have to sort this out though as seems your inlaws will be stubborn/ battle lines drawn.
If they will not relent dh could suggest meal in hotel as you will not be able to relax out of hotel.
I so understand controlling relatives....

blessedmummyov5 · 16/02/2017 18:57

Big no from me iv worked in hotels for a long time and if say ur daughter was to wake crying n they cudni hear her and someone complained about the crying (say it was constant coz She is afraid and alone ) we wud have to investigate which wud b a chap on the door , ur daughter wud b very scared by this I'm sure , n if we didn't get an answer then we wud go in and I'm sorry but if I found a child alone in a hotel room I'd b ringing social services n the police ..... You wouldn't do it don't let someone else take that chance with your precious child x

Olympiathequeen · 16/02/2017 18:59

I would finish the meal in half an hour or less and get back to the hotel. Alternatively set up a video link with your phone and keep an eye in her throughout the meal. Obviously the inlaws would pop in physically to check on her as before. If they object, cancel the meal.

knackeredfarmingmummy · 16/02/2017 19:00

what the actual f7ck? no frigging way!!!!MAdeline McCann ring a bell??

Purplepotatoe · 16/02/2017 19:00

No way, absolutely no way ...and I am all for leaving children alone (at home) once they're old enough!

barefoofdoctor · 16/02/2017 19:01

Not a cat in hells chance. My toddler would be utterly terrified if she woke up in a strange place alone and the thought of this, regardless of the health and safety/abduction fears would ruin the very thought of a night out. Makes me shudder to think of it actually and i'm not high horsing at all here.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 16/02/2017 19:01

Nope nope nope!
My daughter IS precious. Why risk it?

LordPeterWimsey · 16/02/2017 19:03

Send them out for the dinner since it was their idea, you and DH stay in the room and get room service, sorted. And now you've learnt your lesson about inviting them along to stuff.

neveradullmoment99 · 16/02/2017 19:09

No way!!!!!!
Madeleine mccann.

neveradullmoment99 · 16/02/2017 19:10

..and actually, if they think thats ok, not sure if I could trust them even if they said they would do the right thing. Sorry.