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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to leave DD aged 4 alone in a hotel room.

308 replies

Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:01

Going away this weekend, DH's parents are coming and have very generously paid for me and DH to go out for a meal, they said they'd watch DD in the hotel we are all staying in so we could have some time alone. Lovely.
However they've recently announced that they are going to settle DD in our room, call their room from our room and go back to their room and listen out for dd through the phone.
This doesn't sit right with me because surely hotel staff etc could access our room, what if they don't hear dd?
I'm trying to work out if I'm being precious here or if other people agree. It is making me feel a bit uneasy. They don't want to have to sit in the room with her as they'd need to be quiet so they didn't wake her... what the verdict mumsnet?

OP posts:
googleplex100 · 16/02/2017 18:12

No way. You don't know how many people would have the hotel room key. Please don't risk it.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 18:13

Polly
We weren't planning to go out.
I booked 1 night in a hotel, with dd and dh and planned to take her to the zoo.
Thought "oh let's invite in laws" and they wanted to come, threw in a meal that they insisted we went to in a restaurant not at all suitable for dd, paid for it told us what menu we could eat from and to be there for 7:30 and have now decided they want to "listen out" rather than babysit.
This really was not the plan I assure you haha!

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 16/02/2017 18:15

If your meal is a thing 19:30, surely you aren't going to be hours? Can't they just keep your dd awake in their room playing a board game, reading, watching movie on iPad etc until you get back?

LanaorAna1 · 16/02/2017 18:17

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Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 18:18

Lana I've decided I won't be leaving dd alone in the room.

Dd wakes at 5am everyday and is fasts asleep by 7pm very latest- she doesn't do late nights not wen when it's convenient for us.

OP posts:
1bighappyfamily · 16/02/2017 18:21

Whatasmashing I walked in on someone sleeping in a hotel room once. I'd arrived late at night for a meeting the following morning, checked in, walked into 'my room' only it wasn't!! I only got as far as opening the door and I think the occupant was more pissed off by Reception ringing him to apologise but it wasn't nice.

Floozie66 · 16/02/2017 18:23

Didnt they check madeleleine mcann everh 15 mins!!
Say thanks but no thanks - you arent goi g to enjoy your meal anyway under these circumstanced. 99.9% it would all be ok but they are not really babysitting are they . Personally i have never done this or would do this as can think of too many things that could go wrong - why cant they read / watch lap top / i pad with head phones on?

SouthernComforts · 16/02/2017 18:23

I was going to suggest asking someone else to have dd for the night and making it adults only.. but just seen it's for dds birthday

gluteustothemaximus · 16/02/2017 18:26

They sound very controlling. Whilst trying to come across as generous and kind.

Sounded like your original plan was lovely OP.

Are they controlling in other ways? My parents were similarly helpful controlling and they railroaded us into things and dictated plans and expected us to be very grateful.

Instant reaction of a normal person would be 'you're right mum, we should be there with your DD. After all, it is her birthday weekend, and we do so want you and DH to have a lovely time out as well'.

Not. We're only next door but one and sticking to our plans no matter what you say.

Just my thoughts! 😀

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/02/2017 18:28

I'd just say no to them babysitting now. It's a half arsed offer. It's ONE night where they might need to be a little quieter than normal, fgs.

No matter what they say now, I wouldn't trust them to babysit as they're likely to agree, then do as they please. I was going to say, what others have said, take her to their room & don't give them your key. However, that'll a) likely cause from friction b) won't stop them doing something like going down to the hotel bar 'for a quick drink'.

I'd just change the booking time & take DD or if it's a 'no children' restaurant then I'd tell them to go for the meal & you both take DD out somewhere else .

I wouldn't enjoy the meal now for worrying about what mad plan they've come up with.

Do not go along with anything you could end up regretting. Far better to piss off three adults than regret placing your DD in a situation you may come to regret.

scooobydooo · 16/02/2017 18:29

Just looked over at my similar aged daughter when reading this, and the thought of her being alone in a strange room in the dark in a hotel made me shudder.

Just tell them straight. Same room, or at most adjoining rooms with the door left open. Or nothing and you will have to cancel.

Suggest they dim the lights, have the tv on quiet, get her snuggled up in the hotel bed between them with a few toys/book/tablet/whatever and let her doze off when she wants, then transfer to her own bed when you return or let them keep her for the night in their room.

Absolutely no need to leave her alone.

CurlyMango · 16/02/2017 18:29

No from me also

Hissy · 16/02/2017 18:29

The McCanns checked every 20mins i think...

Look what good it did them

I agree with the aettle in thief room, you collect from theirs when you've finished. Don't give them a key to your room.

Or cancel.

You set the rules here.

ADishBestEatenCold · 16/02/2017 18:29

Sorry if this has already been covered, Chamonix, but could you contact the hotel just to check if they have either
a) two last minute connecting rooms that they could move you and PIL into, or
b) a family room, for you, DH and DD, in which the child area is sectioned or screened off in some way, that PIL could babysit in?

I wouldn't have left mine, when little, in a hotel room that was entirely separate from their babysitter.

hibbledobble · 16/02/2017 18:29

Can you get adjoining rooms with a connecting door?

Hellothereitsme · 16/02/2017 18:31

I wouldn't leave my kids in a hotel room whatever. Say there was a fire. Lifts out of action. You would have to run up the stairs - if you can find them and get to the room. There might be automatic fire doors that shut. No way. But then I did watch Towering Inferno at a very young age :-)

Pseudonym99 · 16/02/2017 18:32

Two words:

Madeleine McCann

corythatwas · 16/02/2017 18:33

Apart from the risks, I wouldn't want to think that a 4yo of mine might wake in a strange hotel room and be very frightened- and there is no way either of my parents would have agreed to this. Why can't they just sit quietly and read a book or something?

scooobydooo · 16/02/2017 18:33

Just to add, in my experiences staying in hotel with little children, they have always slept amazingly well and there has never been any need for silence, dim lights and quiet tv has always been fine.
Usual bedtime routine is obviously out of the window but once asleep, no problems.

WiggleYourWoo · 16/02/2017 18:33

You would think after Madeleine McCann no one would decide it's a good idea?? I also think they can charge you with neglect if she is discovered on her own (by hotel staff for example).

MillieMoodle · 16/02/2017 18:34

I would never leave my DC, or allow them to be left in a hotel room alone. They come with us in the evenings or we stay in the hotel room with them. I would not compromise with anyone on this.

I think you need to put your foot down OP and YANBU to do so. Don't worry about upsetting your in laws. Bluntly, you'd feel far worse if you went along with what they want and something happened to your DD. It's just not worth the risk and you wouldn't be able to enjoy the evening anyway.

I take the view when it comes to my DC that if there's something I'm not happy with, I'll say so. I'd rather risk upsetting another adult to keep my DC safe, than keep quiet so as not to upset said adult but risk my DC's safety. If that makes sense. I'm definitely past caring what the PILs think of me anyway!

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 18:34

Gluteus
They could be described as controlling- yes. Don't want to start a mil bashing thread but it's not been easy trying to fit in with their idea of family.
They have insisted I get the same train up as them and booked it early morning just totally nightmare since theyve said they'll come.

OP posts:
Boeufsurletoit · 16/02/2017 18:35

If they don't want to be quiet or keep the TV down low chances are they'd miss any sounds coming over the phone anyway. Definitely not safe!

notangelinajolie · 16/02/2017 18:40

What kind of hotel is it? If you are the only guests in a nice little B&B with just two rooms it could work or a hotel with rooms with an adjoining door that could be kept ajar would be fine too. But if it's seperate rooms in a large hotel with endless corridors then I wouldn't be happy at all.

coconutpie · 16/02/2017 18:41

No fucking way. Have they not learned anything from poor Madeline McCann??! Also, I would not give a shit what they think of you after you telling them no. They clearly don't give a shit about their GC's safety so I wouldn't be tiptoeing around their shitty behaviour. I'd just tell them we will not be leaving DD in your care as clearly you don't take her safety and wellbeing into consideration. We will be having dinner (you, DH and DD) as a family (room service or whatever you feel like) and they are free to take the dinner reservation. And never ever accept offers of babysitting from them again. Fucking inconsiderate twats.

Also your DH needs to be more assertive - no, we are not being completely irresponsible and leaving DD on her own. Not this uncomfortable / tiptoeing around it.

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