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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to discuss the BBC drama on Shannon Matthews

147 replies

EveOnline2016 · 15/02/2017 21:43

I have watched both parts.

I either need to be told IABU or not.

I used to be full of hatred for Karen, but since the program and googling as much as possible from Julie, I have changed my mind.

I know this is an emotional subject, so please don't start with the lynch mob.

But could Karen Matthews be a DV victim.

OP posts:
LineysRun · 15/02/2017 23:38

It's very odd, to me, that the existence of the uncle was kept so 'under the radar' by so many people in Craig's family.

Grilledaubergines · 15/02/2017 23:41

No matter what her childhood was like, her current life and anything in between, she was a shit, neglectful abuser of a parent and nothing. If nothing could ever justify what she did.

PuddleJumper01 · 15/02/2017 23:48

I'm glad someone has started this thread. I've been thinking about it too. I also remember the story when it came out and as it happened, and thinking this woman was thick as pigshit. But this programme has changed my mind. I think she was a victim with limited choices, and I feel very much sympathy for her now.

The programme didn't say anything about what happened to the children, I guess because they're all under 18. Obvs they're in care, but I hope they are doing ok.

I don't think KM is evil, I just think she was sad with very limited options. i'm not excusing or apologising for what she did.

I blame Thatcher.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 15/02/2017 23:49

I also agree the portrayed offered a more sympathetic portrayal of Karen but I also accept that this version is essentially a fictional character and we should not confuse this with the real life situation as that would be doing Shannon a disservice. It could well be a fair and accurate portrayed but we will never know what really happened.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/02/2017 23:54

No pity here. I'm sorry. I think as soon as she reported Shannon missing. She knew there was no going back, and She found herself caught in a web of lies.
However if she was trying to flee from her partner. How was pretending Shannon had been kidnapped going to assist with that.
She has an IQ of 74 so Just above the SN spectrum. I'm sure she must have been tested for any mental illnesses upon her arrest.
And what about that when she was In the chippy, and She was given them for free. Her reply was "I should ", get rid" of one of my kids more often. Note the words "get rid' which is exacly what she did. She hid from and jumped out at a liaison or police officer, not sure which, shouted boo and tickled him. Now I defy anyone to say. Those were the actions of a distraught mother, yet, but. Then why would she be hysterical. After all. She knew exactly where Shannon was.
The rules she had to follow was finished with the letter IPU.(I promise you). A threat I believe she used to make to Shannon, and you're execting pity for her. I'm sorry my violin's broken. I'll leave my sympathies with Shannon and her siblings.

All that said, However as a Catholic. I do believe in redemption, and Everyone deserves a second chance. Yes, even her. Everyones punishment has to come to an end, again even her's. She's trying to rectify what she's done, but. How can she when no one will let her.

Ginkypig · 16/02/2017 00:02

I have sympathy for her as a woman but absolutely none for her as a mother!

No matter how terrible or damaging your life experiences, you have a responsibility to your children once you have them even if they were unexpected or unwanted. They come before you always. Even if that means they can't be with you because you don't have what they need to give.

As a woman seperate from her children I feel for her because she's obviously had a really time of it but that doesn't detract from the hideous choices she made to the detriment of her children especially Shannon.

Birdsgottaf1y · 16/02/2017 00:05

Craig did have diagnosed LDs and now would be classed as a Vulnerable Adult.

I wonder what exploitation he was subject to, growing up, tbh. He certainly needed more support than he ever got.

If the thresholds of SS had of been higher, at the time and policies were different, the situation wouldn't have happened.

Having a low IQ, or being 'ignorant/uninformed' isn't the same as having LDs, she doesn't have a learning disability.

She has multiple issues going on and I. Don't put s judgement on that, I think it's for our society to keep SS thresholds high, so children are protected.

BakeOffBiscuits · 16/02/2017 00:09

I think she is a very stupid, woman with no maternal feelings what's so ever and I do wonder what has happened to her in the past to make her like that. She may of course have been born like that I suppose we will never know.

PuddleJumper01 · 16/02/2017 00:18

Sorry, coming back again, because I can't stop thinking about it...

Isn't this also about our society?

KM isn't smart, isn't well educated, has had it pretty shit. And then goes on to have children.

Our society is demonising those on benefits. There is NO help or support. If we KNOW there's someone who isn't smart or educated and has had little in life to change that, what should our society be doing to change that? We're charging 60k to go to Uni, no one can buy a house. Anyone on benefits has to be a "scrounger", there are no properties. The middle classes grab all the good school places.
Karen might be crap, but haven't we as a society also let her down! And her children.

Birdsgottaf1y · 16/02/2017 00:20

I'm a big believer in that just because a Woman can give birth, it doesn't mean that she can be a Parent.

Circumstances matter of course and it's unfortunate that the trio ever met. However, things were going badly wrong before C&M came on the scene. Their involvement resulted in the situation and so the children were removed, which is the best outcome.

Birdsgottaf1y · 16/02/2017 00:24

Puddle, I honestly think that in some cases, it isn't about society, except for the Child Protection system being on the ball.

Also other services needed to improve, especially for people with LDs (in this case).

We can't make everyone a good enough Parent, though.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 16/02/2017 00:52

It's very odd, to me, that the existence of the uncle was kept so 'under the radar' by so many people in Craig's family.

Yes, I thought that watching the documentary, especially when they talked about KM sitting on his knee.

I grew up on quite a poor estate and it did feel sometimes like everyone was related to everyone somehow, even if they weren't IYSWIM, and familial relationships and connections could be quite complicated and contrived. It was quite usual to have half siblings and step uncles aunts and cousins etc. who you would just never meet, and when the case came about i assumed that's what Mark Donovan was to Craig, and that's why he wasn't mentioned by his sister and mum. But evidently not.

BabychamSocialist · 16/02/2017 00:57

Like I said, I don't think she's evil but obviously what she did was disgusting and she was rightly punished for it. I definitely think she was being manipulated by someone more intelligent than her - perhaps the uncle. At the time I remember saying that I didn't get the feeling that either her or her boyfriend were smart enough to come up with such an elaborate plan. At the end of the day, the media are to blame as much as anyone. If other cases hadn't been so publicised (looking at you Daily Mail, Express and the Sun!) I don't think we'd be talking about this case now.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 16/02/2017 00:58

Documentary?! Christ, i meant drama! Talk about a Freudian slip.

Trainspotting1984 · 16/02/2017 00:59

I think a hell of a lot of people in prison are like her. Don't think she's unusual at all

Birdsgottaf1y · 16/02/2017 01:04

There's a lot of perpetrators of sexual offences in C&Ms family (also LDs/Vulnerability). So I think that there was a lot of stuff, in the past kept quiet, ignored and everyone took on this behaviour, as well as M being allowed to exert control.

Today, he'd have been on the Sex Offenders register and if KM had him in the house, the children would be removed, but it was different times.

Trainspotting1984 · 16/02/2017 01:04

There is another thread in telly addicts which is very interesting. Her children were on and off the CPR, for reasons that would make most people lose sympathy for her. This wasn't an isolated incident. Those children were never safe with her

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/02/2017 01:05

I think Karen Matthews is many things: stupid, greedy, lazy and an awful parent, but I don't think she's evil.

angeldelightedme · 16/02/2017 01:06

Karen I don't feel is a bad person .She is desperate to please people and will just do whatever they say because she needs to be liked.

BabychamSocialist · 16/02/2017 01:27

The moment where she got up and danced to the detective's ringtone (which apparently really happened) spoke volumes for me. I think there is definitely something not right there that she thought that was an appropriate thing to do.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 16/02/2017 01:56

Her situation is exactly what happens when there is a lack of early intervention. With funding being cut on everything we are storing up a time bomb of more highly dysfunctional adults with all sorts of trauma from childhood preventing them from positively engaging with society.

HelenaDove · 16/02/2017 02:06

Why does the drama erase the Asian community who also gave a lot of time to the search.

x2boys · 16/02/2017 10:06

There are lots of parents who dont have high IQ,s, live on council estates etc have never been given much opportunity in life but they dont go on to do what KM did, at the end of the day she had a choice she chose to do that to Shannon, her IQ is no excuse it just meant she didnt have the sense to have a more elaborate plan or to think it would never work not sure what Margaret Thatcher has to do with it Puddle?

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