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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

404 replies

Smudge612 · 15/02/2017 11:25

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything Hmm, but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

OP posts:
bulletjournal · 15/02/2017 14:41

Surely everyone has a toiletries bag?

a little one, but I never carry full bottles of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, towels.. when I go on holiday. I never expect my guests to do so either. It's a bit weird.

pringlecat · 15/02/2017 14:58

I would expect to receive as a guest (and provide for a guest) use of basic shampoo, shower gel and at least one big bath towel. Maybe (but probably not) toothpaste.

Toothbrushes, razors and soap are off limits.

(Although I would provide a stash of basic toothbrushes, toothpaste and disposable razors for guests because I'm a people pleaser.)

I would only ever stay with family or people I consider to be family so no, I wouldn't ask to borrow shampoo nor would I expect to be asked if I was hosting.

lemonzest123 · 15/02/2017 15:19

I'm amazed how organised everyone is. Everyone who's stayed at my new house so far didn't know they'd be staying until about an hour before they arrived Grin

They either end up in my bed or under a duvet in a heap on the sofa.

That's probably why I have so many pairs of socks that don't belong to me Hmm

Cherrysoup · 15/02/2017 15:30

I always take my own stuff and I'd expect guests to bring their own. They can use mine, but I'd prefer them not to. I definitely don't want them scraping their toothbrush on my toothpaste, it would make me feel sick.

Kiroro · 15/02/2017 17:16

I have a wash bag that is always packed with miniatures (I refill them) of the stuff I use, but I might just use their shower gel/shampoo if it is out. I would 100% expect guests to use mine.

Why woudl someone be sniffy about you using a bit of their shower gel or toothpaste?

I some disposable toothbrushes and razors that guests can have if they have forgotten their own/staying unexpectedly

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 17:18

Absolutely not! I would go apeshit if someone helped themselves in my home! And I would always expect to take my own toothpaste, shower gel etc.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 17:21

I would expect them to prove a towel as well, on the basis that I'm not a hotel.

I didn't realise people took the piss like that - I think I'm going to make sure I lock everything away in future !

F1GI · 15/02/2017 17:25

Personally I'd be happy for people to use ordinary stuff like shampoo and toothpaste. If you go away you have enough to pack without packing basics that are already in your hosts place. I'd ask before using though if I was the guest. You wouldn't help yourself to posh stuff like perfume or creams etc as that is just rude and unnecessary.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/02/2017 17:28

Wow, I think expecting guests to bring their own towels is equivalent to expecting them to bring their own bedsheets - you know, like the ones hotels provide.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 15/02/2017 17:35

Everything is so complicated on MN. In reality I think people probably take things like moisturiser, toothpaste and deodrant and help themselves to a bit of shower gel/shampoo if they need to. I doubt most people could care less.

PrivatePike · 15/02/2017 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 15/02/2017 17:41

Family it doesnt bother me. I never take toiketries to stay with them abd they never bring their own when they stay with me.

Friends, if it's a night or so then I'd not exlect them to bring everything.

If its a week staying then hell yeah bring your own. But then i rarely have guests for more than 3-4 days

RB68 · 15/02/2017 17:54

My understanding of ettiquette is

If there is an ensuite and its family it wil be provided and as we are family I can ask and check
If there is an ensuite and its friends take my own

Towels provided in both instances

No ensuite - family - check with them before traveling , and ask the do I need to bring towels question

No ensuite - friends - take own toilettries and ask the towel question

If you don't know people that well e.g. they are putting you up as a favour to friends for an event or its the first time you have stayed take your own everything

I make a point of saying to everyone that comes to me - please don't bother with hairdryers, shampoo, toothpaste or shower gel etc unless you really want to/have special items and of course we will have towels and bedding unless you have specific requirements and I check if they need foam rather than feather pillows etc

RB68 · 15/02/2017 17:56

My sister brings her own towels which I find mildly offensive but she can be a bit weird about random things

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/02/2017 17:57

I'm thinking of that saying you often read on MN about house guests being like fish as both start to smell after three days. Can now see why that might be... Grin

liz70 · 15/02/2017 18:09

"I would go apeshit if someone helped themselves in my home!

I would expect them to prove a towel as well, on the basis that I'm not a hotel.

I didn't realise people took the piss like that - I think I'm going to make sure I lock everything away in future !"

Then you are a rude, inhospitable, piss poor excuse for a host, and should point the guests that you so begrudge in the direction of your nearest Travelodge.

To quote:

"Hospitality - the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers."

I don't see much friendly or generous about disappearing up your own arse because a guest in your home uses some of your shampoo or shower gel.

kali110 · 15/02/2017 18:12

If i ask someone over they're welcome to use anything in the bathroom, even my expensive shampoo and conditioner.
They're my friends and family, why wouldn't i?

They have to bring their own roll on though Grin

livia you expect people to bring their own towel?
I take toiletries with me when i visit someone, but bring your own towel just sounds unwelcoming Confused

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 15/02/2017 18:17

Absolutely not! I would go apeshit if someone helped themselves in my home!
^ along with expecting a guest to bring towels is the height of rudeness and YOU are the one taking the piss.
Do you let them sit on the sofa? Are the expected to bring bed linens, napkins, plates?

LakieLady · 15/02/2017 18:19

I always take my own toiletries because I'm fussy, but wouldn't bother taking towels. If I forget something, I wouldn't help myself to their stuff without asking them first.

When people stay I invite them to help themselves to anything they need in the bathroom, and put clean towels, bathrobes and face cloths in their bedroom for them. I might feel differently if I'd invested in a pot of La Prairie skin caviar, just to see if it's worth the £400+ price tag, but it doesn't get any posher than Clarins or Kiehls round my gaff.

They're welcome to anything they find in the kitchen, too, and if I know someone drinks chamomile tea or similar gnat's piss, I get some in for them.

bulletjournal · 15/02/2017 18:22

I would expect them to prove a towel as well, on the basis that I'm not a hotel

this is so funny! Where do you stand on tea bags, loo roll, and using your heating? Why do you invite people over if it bothers you so much? You don't HAVE to? It's really offensive if someone bring their own towels or bed sheets/ and food and drinks Grin

PrivatePike · 15/02/2017 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Howlongtillbedtime · 15/02/2017 18:27

Everyday is a school day on here .

The only people that stay overnight in my house are people I really like .
I find it weird to begrudge a bit of bubbly stuff to someone I really like.

Assuming I have also probably fed them both the night before and the morning after it seems spectacularly churlish to care about a quids worth of toiletries .

Weird !

liz70 · 15/02/2017 18:28

"I honestly presumed that livia was joking. Surely she is??"

Is she? Oops, if she is! Blush I'll step down from my soap box if so..

brasty · 15/02/2017 18:32

Yes I think it is fine. Probably would not even notice if guests used it. Don't use my toothbrush though.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 18:34

No I wasn't joking - on the plus side I don't have people to stay for various other reasons Grin