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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

404 replies

Smudge612 · 15/02/2017 11:25

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything Hmm, but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 15/02/2017 13:57

Do other people's guests check before they have a shower? We always do, and our guests always do. I can't think of a single occasion where it hasn't been immediately fine (unless the immersion hasn't been on, in which case someone turns it on) but surely it's just what you do!

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 15/02/2017 13:58

I think some people should probably skip having guests or ask them to stay in a hotel. If you begrudge someone a slice of toast or a splodge of shower gel then it doesn't matter if you roll out the red carpet in other aspects, you are a bad host.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 15/02/2017 13:58

I'd usually ask before using anything, just out of politeness.
But it would never occur to me that anyone would begrudge someone using shower gel, toothpaste, handers etc.
Personal toiletries, including deodorant and facewash etc are a different matter, as are any obviously expensive products - though I'd usually be happy for guests to use a small amount of anything that doesn't require skin contact. (I may have been known to have meltdowns as a teen when DSis used razors, roll-ons or hairbrushes of mine) Blush

dowhatnow · 15/02/2017 13:59

Do people take there own towels to people's houses and their own toiletries? Having to pack wet towels?

Yuck - you provide that.

I'd never think to pack those. Maybe I will be caught out one day and have to ask to borrow towels?

dowhatnow · 15/02/2017 14:00

Their

liz70 · 15/02/2017 14:00

"Frankly, if it feels like so much trouble for people to have us as guests, I'd rather stay in a hotel."

Yep. I've said exactly this on previous similar threads, here and on other boards.

mistermagpie · 15/02/2017 14:01

Ok, I can understand if you have a £30 bottle of shower gel or £100 moisturiser, but in that situation (never likely to happen) I would put some cheap stuff in there and just say - 'theres shampoo/shower gel in the bathroom, but please don't use the [insert name of fancy brand] if you don't mind'.

BabychamSocialist · 15/02/2017 14:02

I wouldn't even think of using somebody else's toiletries! It's just... well, wrong. Who doesn't take their own when they're stopping at someone else's house?!

BabychamSocialist · 15/02/2017 14:04

And no, towels are fine, obviously. But toiletries just feel like something you should bring your own of unless the bathroom is a specially designated guest bathroom. If there's just one bathroom in the house I'd ask. We have a bathroom for guests and it's only for guests, so any toiletries in there are obviously for them to use. If the shower or something went on the blink and someone used my special shampoo I'd be a bit annoyed, really.

expatinscotland · 15/02/2017 14:04

Do people actually ask if they can have a wash at the host's home? 'Can I go and have a shower?' Eh? I'd expect them to use the wash facilities as they please. Some people really hate other people! I once went out with a man in the Navy who used to work on submarines, plenty of the juniors had to 'hot bunk', they had to hop into a bed someone else had just vacated to grab some kip. Some people here would have a heart attack at the very idea!

mistermagpie · 15/02/2017 14:05

It's 'wrong' to use somebody's shower gel when you are close enough that you have been invited to stay at their house? Wrong?

I would genuinely feel quite sad if my guests thought I was that bad a friend/relative that I would begrudge them a bit of my shower gel.

BabychamSocialist · 15/02/2017 14:11

Anyway, our guests must think we're minted because all of the bottles etc are marked with "The Ritz, London" - never mind that they were... erm, acquired... when we were there on a holiday we won in a competition. Or that they're actually filled with Superdrug's finest own brand shampoo, conditioner and liquid soap.

user1477282676 · 15/02/2017 14:12

BabyCham and there they are, slathering themselves in what they THINK is top notch stuff, humming "Puttin' on the Ritz" as they do...and really it's the cheapo tat from Superdrug! Grin

dowhatnow · 15/02/2017 14:13

And no, towels are fine, obviously. But....

Why are towels obviously fine but not toiletries? Surely both should be left out for the convenience of guests. It's weird to say one is ok but one isn't. And actually towels are more personal than toiletries IMO.

BabychamSocialist · 15/02/2017 14:13

Well personally like I said, if someone else did it I wouldn't get worked up over it but if it was me, I couldn't do it. I am quite an anal person though.

I feel the same way about food though - even when we're at my parents' house I won't just go and make myself a meal out of food in the fridge. It just feels to me like I'm encroaching on their home.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/02/2017 14:13

expat I think most of us normal people wouldn't expect people to ask permission more that it's quite common in a busy household or where maybe there's only one bathroom to just check that your timing is convenient iyswim. So no risk of being told "yes I bloody do mind, use the bucket of cold rainwater you leech" Grin

BabychamSocialist · 15/02/2017 14:15

user1477282676

I've never forgiven DP for not letting me nick the dressing gowns. To this day I've never found one that felt the same way, and when we tried to buy one off them it wasn't the same!

If we hadn't been together 20 years I'd LTB. No, I'm not bitter.. Grin

FireInTheHead · 15/02/2017 14:20

I just cant get my head around caring so much about bath products, no matter how expensive, that I would mind sharing. As I said, I have a guest bathroom but I put the same brands in there as I put in my bathroom. Buying cheaper toiletries than I use myself for my guests would be like buying a cheaper brand of tea/coffee/bread for them while we consume more select brands.

Bluebell9 · 15/02/2017 14:22

Everyone is banned from using my shampoo and conditioner as its v v expensive and I alternate with cheaper versions to make it last.

I'd be happy for guest to use the other stuff, I normally take out the expensive stuff so there is no confusion.

I normally take toiletries with me when I stay at someone elses house, apart from my parents.

GertrudeBelle · 15/02/2017 14:24

Towels, tea and coffee etc are different because it's not the convention to bundle them up in a special bag and take them with you.

Surely everyone has a toiletries bag? If I go somewhere I just pop that in my luggage. Not so difficult or weird?

MrsHathaway · 15/02/2017 14:28

I bring my own tea bags along because I'm a fussy bugger and nearly nobody has them (if they do, it's a pleasant surprise) - I have chamomile so it's not like PG Tips is near enough.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/02/2017 14:30

In fairness fire I don't think that's what most people mean. I got some lovely Cowshed products at Xmas, also a Keihls gift set. Both are lovely and something I enjoy using but they are pricey for not a huge amount of product. Occasionally I'd buy similar as a treat. If I left those in the family bathroom while having an extra 5 people here they'd be gone in a long weekend. They can help themselves to my bog standard Nivea shower gel or whatever else is there though, it's not cheap rubbish. After all it's good enough for DH and our dc!

liz70 · 15/02/2017 14:31

"Surely everyone has a toiletries bag?"

Yes, for taking on self catering holidays. I don't need to take it when I go to stay with my parents, as everything I need is there for me to freely use. Same goes when they, or anybody else, visits my house.

fuckoffdailysnail · 15/02/2017 14:34

We went away with my brother and his very posh girlfriend and we all shared a bathroom. I must be going straight to MN hell as I indulged in the girlfriends swanky shower gel Shock
I did tell her afterwards, she thought it was hilarious I saw it as a treat and now buys me the gift sets for birthday and Christmas Grin

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 14:36

I have presumed with family in the past but then it runs out and I feel awkward asking for more...much easier to take your own