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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

404 replies

Smudge612 · 15/02/2017 11:25

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything Hmm, but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/02/2017 16:48

We have lovely soaps, but no shower gel.

AcaciaYou · 17/02/2017 21:20

I sympathise with Livia.

I wouldn't dream of helping myself to other people's stuff, whether that was shampoo or a teabag. If someone used my bathroom products I wouldn't begrudge it exactly but I would think it rather odd, in the same way I would be bemused if they appeared wearing a jumper from my wardrobe because they were cold. I wouldn't mind them borrowing it as I'd want a guest to be comfortable, but I would definitely think it rather cheeky and strange if they helped themselves like that.

I did recently get a sense that I am out of step with the times though, when a guest told me rather pointedly that there was no shower gel in the guest room shower. I asked her if she'd like to borrow some, and she nodded like I was a bit deranged. Clearly I need to be providing one of these MN baskets that you lot seem so fond of.

I just can't imagine not taking my washbag with me when staying with people.

AcaciaYou · 17/02/2017 21:26

And yyy to mellow about guests excessively tidying up. I hate that. You're the guest, I'm the host - stop it.

BreconBeBuggered · 18/02/2017 01:03

People who don't like guests using your shampoo...how on earth do you twig that it's happened? I can get that you wouldn't want some hairy bloke using your £30 shampoo as a shower gel, but for normal use, unless the bottle was on the last 10ml I can't for the life of me see how you'd notice.

I would think no shower gel in the guest shower was distinctly odd, btw. Never travelled with my own soap in me life.

mathanxiety · 18/02/2017 06:29

We only use soap, Expat.
I got tired of the expense of gel and constantly running out.

FruitCider · 18/02/2017 06:44

Do people really have expensive toiletries just for show? Is that some kind of weird version of Keeping Up With The Jones? How do you even make time in your lives to play swapsies?

My guests can use whatever they want, whether they choose to use my radox, soap and glory, Pantene or Charles Worthington (I have a lot of toiletries out!) is up to them, I like them enough to invite them into my home so they can help themselves to whatever they like.

skerrywind · 18/02/2017 08:09

As a family we don't even share products.
We all have our favourite shampoo/conditioner/soap/shower gel etc.

The only share is DS and OH who share the same shampoo, and that's it.
No one would mind, but everyone likes their stuff and it would be mean to use it and cause them to run out sooner.

Sometimes I have a shower in DDs room, I take in my own products rather than use hers.

Lweji · 18/02/2017 08:27

Don't people stock one extra item for when the one in use runs out?
Why should it matter if one item runs out a little faster?

skerrywind · 18/02/2017 08:35

lweji, my DD ( still at school) works a few hours on Saturdays. She likes to buy fancy shampoo for herself as a treat. It would be unfair of us to use her shampoo.
Some are christmas gifts and not always bought.
DS would use my expensive shower gel, but is just as happy to use a Lynx type product if it is there, he too sometimes buys himself a fancy bath soak or similar.
Another family member has sensitive skin and prefers a certain range.

We stick to what is "ours".

No one would mind if we did us another's product, just for the sake of practicality we stick to out own.

Raisinbrain · 18/02/2017 08:46

I would expect people to bring their own as that's what people always do in my experience. However I'd be happy for them to use mine as it's all cheap shit anyway. Although... When I was slightly less skint I used to save up and buy redken shampoo and I wouldn't have been happy about people using that more then once or twice...

JaxingJump · 18/02/2017 08:53

Raisin, when you really think about it, even if they used your redkin shampoo, how much would that actually cost you and would you really begrudge that???

sabzii · 18/02/2017 09:26

I notice products have been used if someone's hair is stuck to the bottle, toothpaste cap not replaced etc. I used to hate this when sharing bathrooms. I put matching mini toiletries in a basket for guests, on top of a stack of towels, so a bit bewildered when they used mine.

Lweji · 18/02/2017 10:05

It would be unfair of us to use her shampoo.

This is not about what you do as a family. It's about guests.

Do people also have special foods in the fridge that they don't share with guests?

If it turned out that a guest was using my children's prized stuff, I'd just replace it from my own pocket. Easy.

228agreenend · 19/02/2017 04:59

People are assuming the non-sharers are stingy, as a squirt of shower gel doesn't actually cost much. I don't think that's the issue (and I assume they wouldn't begrudge anyone anything). The reason for the non-sharing is due to the products being personel to their tastes, nothing to do with cost. Also, to use someone else's products is a slight invasion of their privacy. That's probably not the best way to describe it, but I can't think of what words to use.

INeedNewShoes · 19/02/2017 08:07

I used a blob of my friend's Molton Brown shower gel yesterday. I know she doesn't give a toss! But then she's a generous sort and just wouldn't get worked up about that sort of thing.

liz70 · 19/02/2017 10:45

"Also, to use someone else's products is a slight invasion of their privacy."

If you're that bothered about having your privacy invaded, then perhaps you shouldn't be inviting guests to stay in your home in the first place. Personal? It's a squirt/blob out of one bottle or tube, out of millions of bottles or tubes sold, FGS. Hmm

Lweji · 19/02/2017 10:58

Privacy invaded would be people putting on your robe or wearing your mascara or lipstick. You could actually transmit infections by doing that.
Not getting a bit of shower gel or shampoo.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/02/2017 14:26

Actually privacy is what each person defines it. For example, some people don't like others looking st their phone, others aren't bothered.

Not sure why you are so cross about it liz - presumably nobody is denying you a squeeze of toothpaste so why do other people's ways bother you so much?

Calling people petty, mean, selfish etc and saying they should be be proud of it seems quite a reaction.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/02/2017 14:27

Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 22/02/2017 19:08

Surely everyone has a toiletries bag? If I go somewhere I just pop that in my luggage. Not so difficult or weird?

My family have to pay hundreds to come out and visit me, they bring hand luggage only, to keep down costs.

They sometimes like to bring my liquid items I can't get. For this I'm happy to sacrifice a bit of shower gel, shampoo and toothpaste.

EastMidsMummy · 22/02/2017 20:28

Calling people mean when they're being mean seems reasonable.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/02/2017 20:44

Why do you care? Genuine question. Some posters on here are getting quite nasty and insulting. We aren't RL friends so what does it matter? People do things differently from each other - what a shocker... ShockGrin

EastMidsMummy · 22/02/2017 21:35

I think you care more. You must have posted 20 times on this thread.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 22/02/2017 21:41

No it just amuses me that people get so het up about stuff that doesn't affect them - not sure what the problem is.

kali110 · 22/02/2017 21:52

embo my shampoo and conditioner alone costs £40, but my friends/family are welcome to use it.
I always take a few toiletries with me, but i wouldn't take facewipes or a towel for example if i was staying the night with a friend.
I also wouldn't expect them to bring ( i wouldn't expect them to really bring anything but a toothbrush) as i have things and they're free to use it.
Wouldn't expect my friends to begrudge me a cuppa or a coffee in the morning either whilst I wait for them to wake up.
Only thing i tell my friends not to use is my toothpaste as i have to use a prescribed one.