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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

404 replies

Smudge612 · 15/02/2017 11:25

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything Hmm, but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 16/02/2017 17:59

Have none of you ever had a friend of your OH and that friend's partner/ girl or boyfriend whom you'd never previously met staying a night on your sofa-bed / in your spare room?

I find the frequently stated assumption that only bffs and close family would ever stay in your home (and even then - your DP's sibling = close family but do none of you live far enough apart not to really know your OH's sibling's OH especially if they've only been together for a year or two?) more alien than the strong opinions on shower gel etiquette...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 18:00

I think this is one of these threads like the shoes on or off - people tend to gravitate towards people who do things a similar way.

There is no right or wrong way to do it, just people have different expectations

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2017 18:02

There is no right or wrong way to do it, just people have different expectation

Rubbish. It's bad hosting to be uptight about shower gel. Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 18:05

It's being a bad guest to use stuff/keep asking for stuff. I wouldn't dream of doing that.

It is bad when expectations differ - otherwise everyone knows the way things are

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 18:06

But I'm not enough of a cunt to begrudge guests a cup of tea or the use of my shampoo.

Lovely manners there Grin I must change my ways immediately

5moreminutes · 16/02/2017 18:17

I think people with ensuite guest rooms probably have a different take on house guests to people with no spare room and one family bathroom too to be realistic.

I cannot imagine having an ensuite spare room - we did use to have a spare room but apparently were unable to resist producing a 3rd child to keep in it, so now we don't GrinBlushShock

I have no interest in expensive toiletries so don't care and don't notice whether guests use my Aldi shower gel BlushSmile

But on the other hand I generally CBA with adult house guests due to no spare room and not being particularly house proud. Happy to have the kids' friends here sleeping in the kids' rooms even if they use the shower gel (sometimes DD's friends sleep over spontaneously and have nothing with them so obviously use our / her stuff and go home wearing her clothes! It's part of the package living rurally as her school friends can live up to 40km away on the other side of the catchment area.

I don't think I'd like some of the brilliant hosts on here as house guests in my house as I think they'd be judgemental at make shift arrangements (sofa bed in an odd multi purpose upstairs room which has bedrooms off it, one shared family bathroom) and lack of special guest baskets of stolen hotel toiletries (nothing to nick from campsites and youth hostels which we actually prefer over hotels due to finding them more relaxing with several offspring Grin )

brasty · 16/02/2017 18:24

Yes I have ALDI shower gel too. To be frank, guests probably bring more expensive toiletries than they would find in our bathroom.

AldrinJustice · 16/02/2017 18:47

If you're close enough to have a shower in someone's house...then I'd assume the toiletries there would be ok to use

Sonjae · 16/02/2017 18:52

Just use it. I can't believe some people would be furious.... get a life! A dollop of shampoo or conditioner? 😂😂😂😂 tight burgers! If you like someone enough to ask them to stay over, share your toys like good children or don't bother asking. No one likes peevish brats.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 18:53

Ah more insults from the 'nice sharing' brigade Grin You are an example to all of us peevish brats Hmm

BaconMaker · 16/02/2017 19:01

Liva I really don't think you're a nasty person but out of interest unless you have phenomenally expensive shower gel why would you mind? I could understand if it was really nice stuff or you were on a super tight budget but otherwise it seems like the kind of thing that would just fly under your radar. Kind of like if a friend was 10p short when buying their coffee - of course I would give it to them without a second thought. Or is it just a case of feeling kind of like your privacy is being encroached upon because they haven't explicitly asked?

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2017 19:03

How would you even know if someone used your shower gel?

SapphireStrange · 16/02/2017 19:03

tight burgers

This has made me Grin Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 19:09

It's a privacy thing - I have anxiety which is tied up in my environment. I would give a friend all the money I had but I can't cope with sharing things within my space (home, desk space etc)

I'm really not a bad person Grin

Pritchyx · 16/02/2017 19:24

I always take my own stuff, irregardless of where I am! I've always done it as I keep a bag of toiletries in my overnight bag or suitcase, but on the odd occasion I've forgotten, I ask anyway to be polite...
Anyone who stays at mine who wants a bath/shower knows they're welcome to use whatever's in the bathroom.

mellowfartfulness · 16/02/2017 19:28

Livia, I think the thing is that you're being very active on a thread about houseguest behaviour when actually you hate having houseguests full stop and choose not to invite them. So when you say you'd hate X behaviour, it sounds (to people who've not seen all your posts) as if you invite people to share your space and then get enraged when they behave like people who've been invited to share your space.

Lots of us have anxiety quirks. I HATE it when people drop by unannounced and also (randomly) when people try to tidy up too extensively after having a meal at mine. I stopped inviting one person partly because she would get out the clingfilm and start fridging leftovers for me and it got on my last nerve. But I recognise that as my own weird niggle rather than objectively terrible guest behaviour on her part.

BaconMaker · 16/02/2017 19:36

Liva I think that's totally fair enough - I think people are misinterpreting it as stinginess when it isn't and considering you don't even have house guests I think you should just stay as you are.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/02/2017 19:37

Oh okay then - apologies, I will leave the thread

RedAndYellowStripe · 16/02/2017 19:49

Puppy so if people are supposed to be happy for guests to use their toiletreries but guests are supposed to bring their own,
What are people supposed to do?

  • use the stuff put there by the host
  • use their own stuff?

You lot are making things very hard for yourself TBH.

BettyBB2 · 16/02/2017 19:58

Shower gel is fine (it's just posh liquid soap!), if they hadn't brought their own shampoo and conditioner then I would prefer they asked as I have nice stuff for my very dry bleached hair! Same for toiletries (I have expensive face creams and face washes), I eke it out as I'm on a limited budget but it's one of my few splurges.

Oddly enough have no problem with feeding 3 meals a day and providing car parking permits for a week.

Gugglebum · 16/02/2017 20:04

It's odd, but shampoo etc, that is out I would be totally fine with someone using while staying at my home. But there is a line for me. I remember once as a teen, there was a friend of my mum's staying with us and she helped herself to my make up, face cream and several other items that were not out in the open and no one had indicated she could use any of it. Confused I was really annoyed about that one for a good long time. So for me I suppose generally speaking, if something is in a drawer or cabinet, ask. Out in the open, probably ok.

OhTheRoses · 16/02/2017 20:06

Dub. Spare room has an en-suite. Has a glass bowl with all the complimentary stuff shit DH brings back from hotels. Leave on spare bed bah towel, hand towel and face cloth x no of visitors. Now is they came into my bathroom/dressing room for my stuff I'd be irked. There's a hairdryer in spare room for them btw.

Can't see an issue tbh.

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 16/02/2017 20:12

I use what is on the side of the bath. It has never occurred to me not to. These are friends and family and am pretty sure they wouldn't begrudge me a bit of shower gel etc.
Likewise, people are free to use whatever they want in our bathroom.
If there was something expensive I treated myself too eg - Jo Malone etc then I'd probably pop it in my room, but again a quick squirt of it would be fine.

Peace74 · 16/02/2017 21:20

Life's too short to care lol. But for guests I'd actually put the expensive stuff out of the cupboard for them to use. Cheap stuff near the bath is because the kids would happily use a whole bottle to wash barbie's hair.

ilovechocolate07 · 16/02/2017 21:28

I wouldn't mind at all.