AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

[Smudge612]

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything , but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

I wouldn't see it as taking anything, rather as using the facilities in my home in much the same way as you would expect people to use towels, toilet paper, duvets, hot water and electricity.

Ironic that the ones on the thread getting so lairy are the 'kind generous ones'

No I don't expect to ask to use wash stuff. I do hide my deodorant though when people stay .., (not sure why now )

I've always just assumed it's okay to use the basics and have never asked. Similarly, despite being a frequent host, I've never had anyone ask my permission to use toiletries.

Presumably no-one expects to be asked, by a guest, if they can use your hand-soap after they have used the bathroom? Surely it's a similar rule for basic shower gel?

Personally I usually take my own as I have sensitive skin, but if I'd forgotten or it was an unexpected stay then I'd use whatever was there and be very surprised if any of my friends begrudged me a squirt of shampoo.

I buy whatever is on offer for DH and DS, so I'd expect guests to use that rather than my medicated stuff. Not that I'd hugely mind if they used it once or twice, but it's expensive and I'd rather it wasn't wasted on someone who has no need for it

If someone is staying in my home they are welcome to use whatever toiletries they fancy but I always tell them that so they don't feel awkward and I let them know where spare towels are etc.

I bring my own though when I go to stay with certain people; For example my eldest brother because he lives alone and only has Lynx shower gel.... I don't want to use Lynx but if I was spending the night at one of my sister's houses I use theirs.

And as for not providing towels, well, I might forgive that of a student, but not an actual grownup.

People dont provide towels? It never occured to me that a host wouldnt provide them, you know like you do bed linen.

I'd just use their stuff - I wouldn't bother asking. I would see nothing wrong with helping myself to a squeeze of shower gel.

And when people stay at mine I'd expect the same. In fact, I'd consider it odd if they asked before using our family's shower gel. Very odd.

I'm shocked at some of the responses I've read here on this matter.....

Your guests should have brought their own, and failing that they should have asked if it was ok to use yours. Preferably you should have told them they were welcome to use whatever they liked so they wouldn't feel awkward about it.

They should definitely use their own toothpaste that they brought with them, or a toothpaste just for them, supplied by you.

You should provide guest towels for them. They shouldn't have to use what is left in the bathroom for family use.

Nobody should touch anyone else's perfume if left in the bathroom or anywhere else.

I always bring my own toiletries in little travel bottles. I also ask if it's ok for me to use a shower as not all of my Irish relatives have hot water available 24/7 (the wonders of the immersion) and you never know elsewhere (busy homes, lots of teenagers coming and going) if someone else needs to use the bathroom for some more important purpose than my shower.

The last guest we had at my house was an impromptu stay over by my aunt (about 12 years or so ago) that i'm assuming was on a weekend. She only lives a 3 minute drive away but couldn't be bothered driving home one night after visiting, which she turned up at tea time unannounced. Her first words were "Don't put too much out for me" and she expected to be fed, despite there only being enough for 4. My dad hated the woman, but went along with my mums wished and everyone else got smaller shares so she could have some too. (very annoying selfish woman, invited herself on holiday with us to spain when i was 14 and my mum let her, didn't tell me dad and sis til it was all booked and aunt promptly ruined the whole trip by being selfish, and controlling where we went, when, how long for etc.)She borrowed a nightie of my mums she never wore (that i used to use for dressing up as a kid and never touched again) and i got turfed out of my bed so she could have it. I don't think she used the shower, i hope to god she washed her hands properly with the soap though!

I buy nice shampoo and conditioning mask type conditioners, but i typically bulk buy them when they're on sale in superdrug (lorreal sun sea and sand mask was my fave, £6 a tub or 2 for £5, no idea how that works but it was brilliant stuff) or occasionally on sale in tesco/asda, some of the larger stores of pound shop occasionally have a nice herbal essences mask tub for £1. I do like caffeine shampoo but i refuse to buy the £6 a bottle stuff like my sister (she has female pattern baldness but surprisingly does have some extra growth from using the alpecin stuff) so i get the brands they sell in bodycare or savers. Showergel i will only use dettol antibacterial stuff, which i've only ever found in poundstretcher, they used to sell big pump top ones, now only squeezy 250ml ones, so i bulk buy and squeeze a couple into the pump bottles.

I don't care if my dad uses my stuff but he doesn't, hes a head and shoulders only kind of guy so if i see it on offer i buy some, i don't remember the last time he bought his own, i notice if he's low and replenish stocks. I think he has his own nivea for men showergel from various birthday and christmas gifts he's working through or he uses the dettol bar soap i keep in the side of the bath.

Due to my OCd we don't get visitors never mind over night guests, but hopefully some time over the summer my best friend aka on/off ex (due to mh issues, both love eachother and hoping to get back together) will be visiting, no idea if it will possibly be over night but if we get back together and he starts staying over i'd buy proper Aussie shampoo as i know it's his favourite, hopefully he'd use my dettol showergel though.

Id always take my own but wouldn't care if people used what I'd left out, we've only ever stayed at one friends house as a family anyway and I took everything, was asked to take towels, bedding and blow up bed the last time. At ours we give up our bed and don't expect anyone to bring anything.

With the tea/coffee thing, I would make them a drink but wouldn't be impressed if they helped themselves to drinks/stuff. It is bad manners to just help yourself to things, and it isn't great manners to ask if you can have this or that. I wouldn't do it at someone else's house so I wouldn't expect someone to do it at mine.

They certainly wouldn't be coming a second time!

Haven't RTFT so apologies if this has been mentioned before, but I still giggle at the memory of a Mumsnetter who got a 'stunt pineapple' she put out for show in her fruit bowl when visitors came.

With the tea/coffee thing, I would make them a drink but wouldn't be impressed if they helped themselves to drinks/stuff. It is bad manners to just help yourself to things, and it isn't great manners to ask if you can have this or that. I wouldn't do it at someone else's house so I wouldn't expect someone to do it at mine.

It sounds like you don't like your friends very much.

I show everyone where the kettle is and tell them to help themselves, plus they're welcome to eat anything they can find.

Surely getting to try out exotically different shampoo/conditioner than the ones you always buy yourself is part of the fun of visiting people?
I always feel a bit intrigued as to what their "for curly hair" shampoo will be like on my razor-straight hair :D

I like my friends very much but they don't tend to ask for stuff, any more than I would in their home.

If you are okay with people helping themselves, then great, but it makes me uncomfortable

I point my guests at the tea, coffee, shampoos and shower gel and tell them to help themselves. Moisturiser etc is in the bedroom so they can't get it anyway. I stayed with friends years ago who didn't get up until midday and the fact that I made myself coffee and toast at 9am was apparently rude. Not nearly as rude as leaving a guest to twiddle her thumbs all morning IMO.

I don't mind mine being used, but I tend to take my own if I'm staying at someone else's, just in case.

DB and SIL seem to get through nearly half a bottle of shower gel between them in one day though, so if I make sure I have some cheapy Radox or something out for them to use and hide my nice stuff if they are coming over. A bottle lasts me about 2 months! (Was sharing a bathroom with them over Xmas at my parents' house and they decimated a the bottle of Clarins I'd got as a gift and left in the bathroom after use ).

I would always tell my guests to use anything they like in the bathroom. Most of our guests like ourselves would travel hand luggage only and it's just a hassle having to buy stuff when you arrive.

If you have bottles of normal shower gel and shampoo, that you normally use, left out for guests to use but the expensive stuff you've been gifted in a corner away from the shower. Is it not normal to feel annoyed if you find the guest, who had a 30 minute shower and used up all the hot water so that you then had a cold 1 minute shower, also took it upon themselves to use up most of the expensive shower gel and shampoo in one go.

Guests can't even make themselves a cuppa as it's rude

I'd be ticked off if there was no hot water left, but if that were likely then I'd probably flag it up beforehand.

I definitely operate me casa su casa; I'd rather my guests made their own brews as I hate tea and it appears to be something of a science. And I don't drink milk either but I get that in when people are stopping over.
I thought hosting was all about making ones guests comfortable and not putting them out in any way, so I'm also a bit at offering less facilities than a hotel to friends.

If you're going to regret a bit of extra hot water, I'd suggest not having guests in the first place. Do keep an eye on the food they're eating too?

SabineUndine totally hear you. I like a weekend lie in and often wake to the sounds of my friends pottering around in the kitchen. And if I croak a good morning loud enough I get the coffee and toast made for me

It really is hard to believe that you're not taking the piss, Livia. Your attitude towards your "guests" defies belief. 0