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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume I can use their shampoo/shower gel when visiting?

404 replies

Smudge612 · 15/02/2017 11:25

I don't mean rummaging in their bathroom cupboards or anything Hmm, but for example, we have shower gel, shampoo & conditioner out on the side of the bath (shower over bath job). I would assume guests would use them if they needed when they stay at mine - and am happy for them to do so. Is it wrong to assume I can then do the same thing if I stay over somewhere???

OP posts:
DollieMountshaft · 15/02/2017 21:17

Christ, this never occurred to me! I merrily use my mates' shower/bath stuff and expect them to use mine.

I do always take my own toothpaste away though. And skincare, obvs.

liz70 · 15/02/2017 21:20

"Why is it mean? "

You really have to ask? Christ on a bike.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 21:20

It's not mean if nobody shares Grin

KatyS36 · 15/02/2017 21:21

This thread is an eye opener. I stay in other peoples houses, and have plenty of guests in ours.

Kitchen wise I am happy for folk to rummage anywhere and help themselves to anything they want whenever, particularly breakfast as they may be up first.

I'll always provide towels.

However, I have always considered toiletries really personal. I've got miniatures that I always decant everything into if I go anywhere. I thought this was what you just did!

When I think about it I'm not particularly bothered about guest borrowing anything where there isn't a hygiene issue, eg razors, but I just didn't think it was something anyone did. Hence I've never thought to leave anything out for guests.

(Most people visit frequently, and drink plenty, so I guess I'm not too bad a host Smile )

Katy

pregnantat50 · 15/02/2017 21:25

can I ask the rules of perfume 'borrowing' if left in bathroom

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 21:28

Errrrrr no - definitely not acceptable Grin

skerrywind · 15/02/2017 21:36

No not acceptable,

Even within family we all have a lot of our own stuff. I will ask DD if I would like to try her shampoo- she will ask to use my stuff.

I only use my own stuff and don't expect guests to use it.

pregnantat50 · 15/02/2017 21:37

only my dd has been using mine, I don't mind, but when I used a bit of hers she went mad complaining about the cost

liz70 · 15/02/2017 21:47

Then you're all petty, mean, selfish and inhospitable together. Which is nothing at all to be proud of.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 21:49

Wow liz calm down - it doesn't affect you so why are you so bothered? Confused

Odoreida · 15/02/2017 21:50

My favourite thing about staying with other people is borrowing their shampoo and just smelling a bit different for a day or so, it really puts a spring in my step

elfycat · 15/02/2017 21:50

So am I the only person who puts out 'nice' toiletries (e.g. Clarins shower wash, Moulton Brown handwash and lotion) for guests and use Body Shop / supermarket for myself? I do use the nice stuff too

By the time I've shown guests how to use my bean->coffee machine I figure they're frww to use whatever. I've had guests rummage in the cupboards for things like sanitary towels and I hope that's a reflection of the friendly hospitality I aim for. Mi casa es su casa.

elfycat · 15/02/2017 21:50

*free

TheOnlyColditz · 15/02/2017 21:52

Livia, presumably it bothers people because you come across as perfectly normal. It's like finding out there is a vampire in your midst.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 21:54

My friends know what I'm like though Grin

flirtybird · 15/02/2017 22:00

I went to my inlaws a couple of weeks ago and realised just as I got in the shower that I had no shower gel in my toiletries bag, I was not getting dressed to trek to the downstairs shower room for my husbands shower gel so used my fils instead.

I leave my shampoo and conditioner etc out on the bath and if anyone comes over then it is fair game. My daughter loves using my shampoo as I get the Tigi bedhead range which smells lovely, she also quite happily uses my razor for her underarms if she needs to.

I don't mind, as a pp has said if you are close enough to have them sleep over then assume they will use your toiletries.

I always keep a stockpile of toothbrushes too just in case as I know I have forgotten to take a toothbrush away and had to (once) use my husbands and was then straight down sainsburys to buy myself one.

FiveShelties · 15/02/2017 22:00

I could not possibly worry about shower gel etc being used by my friends when they stay here - compared to the amount of alcohol/food consumed it is a drop in the ocean - or bath. I am amazed that someone would have friends to stay and worry about a pound (or much less) of shower gel, shampoo and conditioner being used. The cost of the hot water probably costs more.

flirtybird · 15/02/2017 22:45

I should also add when I go to my inlaws we take our own towels with us. My inlaws have plenty of towels but by time myself, Husband and son have showered that is 4 towels.
I use two as I need one for my hair which is down to my bra strap and then one for my body. I don't want my 80 year old Mil having to wash a load of towels.

She sends the bedding to a contract cleaning place to wash as she sends it with their cottage bedding so it comes back all crisp and ironed.

As good guests we leave the minimum disruption as possible when we leave.

We have all left bottles of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, deodorant, toothbrushes,toothpaste and in my case my spare hairdryer and straighteners, heat spray, hairspray and hairbrush in the wardrobe in the spare room 😀 the only thing I ever need to pop in my bag is my perfume.

DollieMountshaft · 15/02/2017 22:56

I think anything left out in the bathroom is fair game; I keep my perfume in the bedroom/my handbag but I'll gladly let friends have a go on it if they say "ooh you smell nice". I usually smell like the 1980s though, so that's rare......

MrsDustyBusty · 15/02/2017 23:07

I'm with the lax crowd - I honestly don't care and would never notice who uses what. In addition, if you use the toilet, feel free to wash your hands with soap, no need to clear it with me first. Towels are there for your convenience too.

Maybe though it's a money thing? I can afford to not care about soap/shower gel/toothpaste/shampoo getting used, I can easily afford to replace any or all without a second thought. That's not intended as a massive boast, I suppose not everyone really can so possibly it's better to bring your own just in case someone is struggling to afford this stuff.

Judydreamsofhorses · 15/02/2017 23:11

Shower gel wouldn't even cross my mind - and I would never bring my own. I'd usually bring little bottles of shampoo and conditioner, but wouldn't be fussed if someone used mine. I would find it a bit odd if a guest used one of my cleansers, as I'd always bring some with me, but wouldn't object to it.

pseudonymity · 15/02/2017 23:15

Should you leave stuff out for people? I always assume people bring their own but noticed someone had emptied out the handwash using at shower gel Shock

expatinscotland · 15/02/2017 23:20

'So am I the only person who puts out 'nice' toiletries (e.g. Clarins shower wash, Moulton Brown handwash and lotion) for guests and use Body Shop / supermarket for myself? I do use the nice stuff too'

Plenty of us cannot afford 'nice' toiletries at all, but certainly don't begrudge friends or family shampoo, shower gel, soap, etc.

We use soap ourselves.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/02/2017 23:20

I can afford for people to use my stuff - it just makes me ragey - if I offer something that's fine but people just taking shit or asking for it annoys the hell out of me

LaurieMarlow · 15/02/2017 23:22

Well what a crowd of inhospitable barstewards.

Honestly, you'd expect guests to cart their own shampoo and shower gel? Really? And as for not providing towels, well, I might forgive that of a student, but not an actual grownup.

If the toiletries are on show on the bathroom they're fair game. If it's so damn precious, keep it on your bedroom.