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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think going to a spa for a first date is too much?

108 replies

lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 16:35

Guy I dated for a short time last year, ended by me because he was clingy.

Recently he got in touch and I thought I might give him another chance. But now he is getting all over the top again as if we are in a relationship and this is before the date. I.e. 'do you know what happened last night? I had a dream about you. But I've been worrying all day that it will annoy you' and he's suggesting we go to the swanky spa nearby for this date. I would have suggested a drink.

This isn't going to work is it?

I thought he might have learned from last time. I have very few evenings to myself and there are about 3 other people who've asked me to go out so should I give this one another chance or try someone new?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/02/2017 16:36

I'd knock this one on the head...!

TeaCake5 · 14/02/2017 16:36

Why not go? At least you can get a facial on him.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 16:40

I used to really like him. But he acts like he is pinning all his hopes on me and I want to take things slowly. OTOH he has a good job and is very responsible and has decent connections etc.

I don't know why he has to go over the top. I start to inwardly panic.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 16:40

Using him to get a facial is mean surely?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/02/2017 16:41

No, it's never going to work. You didn't like him enough last year, and it sounds as though nothing has changed.

Do the both of you a favour, and stop wasting each other's time Smile

teachergirl2011 · 14/02/2017 16:41

Not for a first date! A drink and maybe Dinner?

EggsEleven · 14/02/2017 16:43

Yes, using him to get a facial is just tacky and cruel. If you're not into him don't go. Or forget the spa idea and just go for a drink so you can get a feel for him again to see if it's got potential.

Though if he was clingy last time round, chances are he's still going to be clingy.

EggsEleven · 14/02/2017 16:44

The dream thing just sounds fecking annoying. Either tell you or don't. Quit with the 'worrying all day it will annoy you' crap.

Ugh. I don't like him Grin

IHaveBrilloHair · 14/02/2017 16:46

No, no, no, clingy cling on urgh

Chocolatecake12 · 14/02/2017 17:05

Sounds like a strange first date.
If you really want to try things again with him then tell him it's too ott and suggest drinks.

Happyfeet1972 · 14/02/2017 17:09

If one of the first reasons in your 'pros' list is decent connections then I'm not sure you'd be dating him for the right reasons in any case. Otherwise I'd say maybe give him a chance and see how it goes....He may calm down .

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 17:33

He's very well liked and popular and has a lot of friends.

I just don't understand why he has to get silly and spoil it. Originally he suggested I meet him for a coffee and it has spiralled into let's go to the spa etc.

ALREADY I feel he's pressing me and he doesn't want me to disappoint him.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/02/2017 18:23

He obviously doesn't see it as spoiling it. He doesn't want casual drinks.

You just don't seem compatible in dating style or intentions.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 18:31

But then why did he originally suggest to 'meet up' for a coffee? Hmm

OP posts:
WeirdButTrue · 14/02/2017 18:40

and has decent connections etc

Sorry OP but this made me laugh - it's like Lady Catherine in Pride & Prejudice talking about the inferiority of Lizzie's connections, never heard the phrase used in modern life!

Trying to be more helpful though, you maybe don't sound well suited.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 18:41

I know lol - I didn't exactly mean it that way. I just mean he has nice, well thought of friends.

OP posts:
BoccadiLupa · 14/02/2017 19:13

Sounds a bit creepy. Mind you my OH booked a private cinema for our first date - WAY over the top - and we are still going strong 5 years old. I told him to calm down and stop trying to be all Disney hero and trying too hard and he did Smile

BoccadiLupa · 14/02/2017 19:14

5 years on !Confused

Silverthorn · 14/02/2017 19:16

Not gonna work. You already find him over-bearing and you've not even gone on a date yet. I can't stand clinginess. I had a guy serenade me once and found it cringy. I'm dead inside. Grin

Silverthorn · 14/02/2017 19:17

Spa is a bit too intimate as well.

HermioneJeanGranger · 14/02/2017 19:20

If you're finding him OTT before you've even gone on a date, then you need to knock it on the head and find someone who doesn't irritate you.

BantyCustards · 14/02/2017 19:21

If he's making you feel this uncomfortable already you need to listen to your instincts.

FairytaleOfSkegness · 14/02/2017 22:50

I'm not sure if I'm thinking of the same kind of facial as everyone else.. vulgar

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 23:07

He's just texted me asking if he can come round for a goodnight kiss. Not impressed

OP posts:
thenightsky · 14/02/2017 23:29

Oh bin him off. I had one of these many years ago. Rocked up in a stretch limo.

Turned a bit stalker when I was cool.

[vom]

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