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Original poster

To think going to a spa for a first date is too much?

108 replies

lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 16:35

Guy I dated for a short time last year, ended by me because he was clingy.

Recently he got in touch and I thought I might give him another chance. But now he is getting all over the top again as if we are in a relationship and this is before the date. I.e. 'do you know what happened last night? I had a dream about you. But I've been worrying all day that it will annoy you' and he's suggesting we go to the swanky spa nearby for this date. I would have suggested a drink.

This isn't going to work is it?

I thought he might have learned from last time. I have very few evenings to myself and there are about 3 other people who've asked me to go out so should I give this one another chance or try someone new?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 14/02/2017 23:30

Oh God, he doesn't known where you live does he??

Glastokitty · 14/02/2017 23:36

Does the spa have a hot tub? Grin

EnglishGirlApproximately · 14/02/2017 23:37

thenightsky'a stretch limo Grin that's amazing, I would be laughing about that for years!

Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 23:37

He does know from last time. I just think he shouldn't be acting like we're in a relationship at this point. Ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 14/02/2017 23:38

Grin when did he turn up in a stretch limo? That's so funny.

OP posts:
SaltySalt · 14/02/2017 23:40

Oy back off Kling On! Should do it.

Lilacpink40 · 14/02/2017 23:42

I'd end it ASAP. He sounds controlling. Rather than ask what you would like or sticking to relaxed plans he's changing the boundaries to show he's in charge.

tabithakitty · 14/02/2017 23:45

Well, is he coming over?

SignoraStronza · 14/02/2017 23:48

Oh gawd, as long as it isn't the spa I frequent been to twice. The 'slumber room' is basically sone kind of shag den. Most offputting if you've gone for a brief nap. The curtains are quite opaque and sound travels, just so you know.

PuddleJumper01 · 15/02/2017 00:51

Does he know you found him clingy? Because if not, he just really likes you and wants to impress.

If he does know you found him OTT, then walk away. Otherwise, do tell him - frankly - to take it down a notch.

MichaelSheensNextDW · 15/02/2017 02:41

Eurgh, he has no respect.

MimiSunshine · 15/02/2017 05:12

Did you tell him why you ended it? Not really fair if he just thinks 'weren't really ready for anything serious' or some other brush off.

If you really liked him you'd be thrilled at his attentiveness and keenness not put off by it.

I met a guy for a 2nd date just after he got back from the US, I wasn't sure after the 1st one but thought I'd give it a chance. He turned up with a teddy and a rose for me with declarations of how much he'd missed me and thought about me while he was away.
I knew before he'd even finished handing them over that he wasn't for me, had to tell him afterwards that the spark just wasn't there while trying not to cringe at his attempt at puppy dog eyes

Happyfeet1972 · 15/02/2017 06:08

I can understand why it's off putting but if he doesn't know you find it a turn off then maybe he just really likes you. If you haven't told him to cool off, maybe do so and see how he responds. If he continues to be overbearing or he knows full well why you binned him last time then I agree it's time to bin him. Dating can be hard...Maybe the last woman he dated told him he played too hard to get and he's over compensating?! Confused

Maverickismywingman · 15/02/2017 06:15

I think the point is - this is just him. He likes big shows of affection and to go all out, and to be be clingy. It's not your cup of tea. One day someone is going to find all that intensity really romantic. He doesn't need to change
And it's not up to you to fix this (for you, or other people).

I agree it IS OTT for me, so YANU for it being a major turn off for you.

So cancel the spa date and go your separate ways.

frankie001 · 15/02/2017 07:19

I read title and wonder if we've had dealings with same bloke!? Last week, on a dating website, I got approached and was asked if I wanted to go to a spa for first date. I declined.

minnymoobear · 15/02/2017 07:33

Too much
Too soon
Toodle pip!

CeCeBloomer · 15/02/2017 07:42

Urgh - so unappealing, I used to get pressured into relationships with me like him and then spend weeks stressing about how to dump them, not worth it

anonbecauseiwanna · 15/02/2017 07:46

Knock it on the head.

I went on 3 dates with a guy once who was an amazing kisser, the kind of kissing that you replay in your head. I was looking forward to seeing if he was as good in bed as he was at kissing. About an hour after he dropped me home from our third date he texted me and said he missed me 😷
I didn't bother making a third date with him. A few weeks later I met my now husband.

TheNaze73 · 15/02/2017 07:47

He'll be a classic, push & pull artist. He sounds like a cliche. Bin him off

Trills · 15/02/2017 07:48

If you really liked him you'd be thrilled at his attentiveness and keenness not put off by it.

If I liked him and he suggested coming round "for a goodnight kiss" I would then like him less. I would not be thrilled.

MuseumOfCurry · 15/02/2017 07:50

I'd find it weird to have a joined up spa date with my husband of 15 years. I don't understand how this could possibly be fun?

Original poster
lottieandmia · 15/02/2017 08:21

No, he didn't come over - I told him not to.

When I ended it last time I told him it was because I found him clingy and he said he's not clingy he's just passionate. In my book passion is not this.

The spa is definitely not a shag den - it's one of the best in the UK. But really that's by the by. The point is that it was supposed to be a sort of no pressure meet.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 15/02/2017 08:22

He said that he used to buy his ex wife everything she wanted. It sounds as though he has not learned from this mistake.

OP posts:
ClopySow · 15/02/2017 08:56

Tell him thanks but no thanks. Far too full on.

It's fine if it's reciprocated, but he's not reading the signals at all.

sum1killthepawpatrollers · 15/02/2017 09:08

it could be hes not thinking of it as a 1st date since you already dated him briefly last year so hes prob trying to continue where you left off. except by doing this its coming across as clingy and ott.
id cancel going out with him, i he didnt learn last time to cool it and back off a bit as is now thinking spas so hes still not getting it and its going to be the same

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