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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit hurt by this?

282 replies

RealhousewifeofEngland · 13/02/2017 09:46

It's a milestone birthday for me later this week. My marriage is in difficulty and as a consequence my birthday celebration this weekend didn't take place. I took my kids to my mums on Sunday. She is well aware of the situation. Not one mention was made of my birthday. When I left she gave me a present and said she was going to write out the card from my (fully grown adult) sibling as she hadn't done it. I told her not to bother as it was hardly a card from my sister if my mum had written it out.

So I left without so much as a have a nice birthday. And I feel quite hurt and a bit upset. My mum knows that I will spend the actual day alone with no celebration and no card from my kids (OH won't bother doing anything since we are "fighting"). Each year on my grown up sisters birthday my mum pays to take us out for lunch and does a cake at home. My sister still lives with my mum. We do the same for my mums birthday with my sister and I splitting the bill for lunch.

I didn't expect my mum to take me out ... but I did kind of hope that she might have got in a cake for me. Just a supermarket job nothing fancy. Just so that my birthday would be marked in some way at least. I wont see her now for weeks and I know the present she has got me is nothing special. Not that she should have but just in case I get responses about how she probably got me a wonderful gift or has a surprise for me. Going by past years I will get a text on the morning of my birthday and that's all.

AIBU?

Also my sister has been mentioning my mums milestone birthday later this year and how we should do something "big". I don't feel very inclined right now.

OP posts:
Happyinthehills · 15/02/2017 07:25

Happy Birthday!! CakeFlowersBrew

Schmoochypoos · 15/02/2017 07:26

Happy birthday 🎉

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 15/02/2017 07:27

And a very happy birthday from me too x

LadyCallandraDaviot · 15/02/2017 07:28

Happy Birthday - have a party tea, and explain to your kids it's a treat for you, because it's your birthday, and you really love them celebrating with you xx

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/02/2017 07:31

Happy Birthday x

SabineUndine · 15/02/2017 07:35

Happy Birthday! 🎂

ppleasebob · 15/02/2017 07:35

Happy Birthday!!

Pancakeflipper · 15/02/2017 07:36

Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuu.

SkafaceClaw · 15/02/2017 07:37

Happy Birthday Cake Wine

EmeraldScorn · 15/02/2017 07:40

User1484226561 don't get the adult birthday thing at all, birthdays are for childen.

Hmm, it's very early in the morning for you to be spouting such shit, "birthdays are for children", since when?

Anyway, "RealHouseWife" I can see why you're feeling let down/hurt and I can't say anything to make it better but if you can afford it treat yourself, splurge online, do something for you.

Happy Birthday for Wednesday all the same!

EmeraldScorn · 15/02/2017 07:41

I've just realised that today is Wednesday so I'll rephrase;

Happy Birthday!

sandgrown · 15/02/2017 07:41

Happy BirthdayFlowersCake

BMacklin · 15/02/2017 07:42

Happy birthday! Cake Flowers Wine

AgedRelative · 15/02/2017 07:44

Happy birthday lovely!

Cockerpoodledoo · 15/02/2017 07:46

Happy birthday! Cake Flowers

Foslady · 15/02/2017 07:47

Happy birthday! Hope you get chance to take some time out for youCakeGinWineBrewFlowers

PennyPinkleton · 15/02/2017 07:47

Happy birthday 🎂🎉🥂

BellesandWhistles223 · 15/02/2017 07:50

Happy birthday! 🎂🍾🎉

mummydoc123 · 15/02/2017 07:52

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday! Xxx

LineysRun · 15/02/2017 07:52

Happy birthday, OP. It might be a day of reflection for you, but that can be very useful. Flowers

Whocansay · 15/02/2017 07:53

Happy Birthday! Cake Flowers Wine

Ffswtf · 15/02/2017 07:53

Happy birthday CakeFlowersBrewWine

Laiste · 15/02/2017 07:53

Happy Birthday FlowersFlowers :)

BalloonSlayer · 15/02/2017 07:54

There's always someone on here that says "Birthdays are for children" I was on a thread once when someone claimed that they struggled to remember when their own birthday was because it was so insignificant to them. Hmm

OP sorry you are going through a rough time.

There seems to be a rule where Birthday presents/cards come from a household. So if adults are living at home their names go on the Birthday/Christmas cards but as soon as they move out they have to get their own. Hence your Mum sorting our your present/card from your adult sibling. (My DSis does this for my niece although she has moved out and I think it's really weird, I don't care about getting a present from her but she could get us a card surely?)

There also might be something of the "don't upset the MAN" in play here. Your Mum might think that she mustn't make more fuss of you than your husband does, lest she show him up. Yes you'd think that as your marriage is under strain she'd make more fuss but she may also be thinking a) if I make more of a fuss this year it'll really show him up and make things worse between them or b) it'll show that I know something's wrong and that she's told me all about it which will also make it worse.

Nquartz · 15/02/2017 07:55

Happy birthday Flowers Cake
I totally understand why you feel crap, particularly if it's a milestone birthday.
Agree with a PP, buy loads of party food & have a party tea with the kids.
And let them buy you a toy!

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