Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit hurt by this?

282 replies

RealhousewifeofEngland · 13/02/2017 09:46

It's a milestone birthday for me later this week. My marriage is in difficulty and as a consequence my birthday celebration this weekend didn't take place. I took my kids to my mums on Sunday. She is well aware of the situation. Not one mention was made of my birthday. When I left she gave me a present and said she was going to write out the card from my (fully grown adult) sibling as she hadn't done it. I told her not to bother as it was hardly a card from my sister if my mum had written it out.

So I left without so much as a have a nice birthday. And I feel quite hurt and a bit upset. My mum knows that I will spend the actual day alone with no celebration and no card from my kids (OH won't bother doing anything since we are "fighting"). Each year on my grown up sisters birthday my mum pays to take us out for lunch and does a cake at home. My sister still lives with my mum. We do the same for my mums birthday with my sister and I splitting the bill for lunch.

I didn't expect my mum to take me out ... but I did kind of hope that she might have got in a cake for me. Just a supermarket job nothing fancy. Just so that my birthday would be marked in some way at least. I wont see her now for weeks and I know the present she has got me is nothing special. Not that she should have but just in case I get responses about how she probably got me a wonderful gift or has a surprise for me. Going by past years I will get a text on the morning of my birthday and that's all.

AIBU?

Also my sister has been mentioning my mums milestone birthday later this year and how we should do something "big". I don't feel very inclined right now.

OP posts:
SpringerS · 13/02/2017 11:59

Take you children to the shop on the day of or before your birthday and give them money to buy you something. I haven't cared too much about my birthday since DS was born as my birthday falls a few weeks between DS birthday and Christmas. If I mark it at all I do so by organising a Christmas outing for DS. But this year DS was 4 and was so very upset that I had no birthday presents. I explained that our trip to a Christmas market and to see Santa a few days before was how I had celebrated but he couldn't see how that was for me. So I had to take him into The Range and give him money to buy me something. Then we went to my parents' house and he was devastated that no-one else had presents for me.* I had to sneak a new nice notebook and some chocolates from my bag and give them to my parents and brother to 'gift' to me. Then it was candles stuck in an ice-cream cake after dinner.

Even if you feel that birthdays are for kids surely it's a good idea to celebrate adult birthdays, if for no other reason than it's good for a child's sense of empathy. They know how much they love to be made special on their birthdays, so they then get a chance to make their loved ones feel special on their birthday. And learn about the joy of giving as well as receiving.

*My mum had paid for my dinner on a night out at the weekend.

Original poster
RealhousewifeofEngland · 13/02/2017 12:09

Thanks everyone.

A Paw Patrol cake is definitely in order!

My kids are young enough that if I gave them money to buy me a gift they would either try and eat it (the money), or want to buy themselves kinder eggs with it. They don't actually give a shit it's Mummy's birthday yet. My eldest is almost 4 and more likely to throw a tantrum because they want it to be their birthday Grin

OP posts:
Pogolphin · 13/02/2017 12:18

I would reply to your sister 'great idea - lets do exactly what Mum did for my xxtyth birthday!' Then buy one gift for her. Send a text. Job done! Start training up your children to spoil you, in a few years they will do really well!

Pogolphin · 13/02/2017 12:19

O, and don't forget to forget your sister's birthday too!

Nanna50 · 13/02/2017 12:23

I'm sorry that you were disappointed, your mother may make a fuss of your sister because she still lives there, but not you because you have your own family to celebrate with and she may not have thought she needed to step in.

When one of my daughters was on her own we bought presents for her child to give her as we hated the thought of her feeling alone, but we didn't do this when she was having a hard time before they separated ... it did not cross my mind to make more effort Sad.
I don't know how bad a time you are having but it must be awful if he has cancelled your birthday treat. I think your hurt and worthlessness lies with your partner and your disappointment that your mother didn't step up just reinforces that.
Mothers don't always get it right sometimes we just fuck up Halo

SpringerS · 13/02/2017 12:31

My eldest is almost 4 and more likely to throw a tantrum because they want it to be their birthday

You could be surprised. My DS had just turned 4 before my birthday and he really wanted nothing more than for me to have presents for me. I hadn't expected that he'd feel like that as it hadn't occurred to me that he was at an age where he'd think it important that he would have a gift for me. But at 4 empathy is much more pronounced that it is at 3 and he had made the logical conclusion that if I had given him a birthday gift he must also give one to me.

CaraAspen · 13/02/2017 12:42

Have a lovely day when it comes and treat yourself! CakeWineFlowers

ohfourfoxache · 13/02/2017 13:25

I'm so sorry to read this Sad

Right. Wednesday. Can you do something really really positive for you? Make an appointment with the CAB or a solicitor? Put some time aside to look at what you're entitled to? Pack his bags and chuck the fucker out?

Turn it into a huge, wonderful positive. Wednesday could be the start of your new and fabulous life Thanks

Twopeapods · 13/02/2017 13:41

YANBU
Treat yourself. Even if you take yourself off for a spa treatment. And when your DM asks about your birthday I would say that 'I had to treat myself and buy myself a birthday cake as nobody wanted to do it for me'. And I definitely wouldn't do it for your Dsis and DM now. I would be very hurt as well and I get upset about these kind of things as well.
Cake

EZA15 · 13/02/2017 17:55

What part of the country are you op? If you're near me - you and the kids can come to mine for a cup of tea and some paw patrol cake?! I will even make the 3 year old share her kinder egg stash 😂

Bestthingever · 13/02/2017 18:03

Your mum knows that your oh cancelled your celebration and you were in tears and has done nothing to cheer you up? That's really shit. My dm would do nothing either but she's consistently thoughtless with everyone so I wouldn't think twice!! However I can't imagine doing this to my own daughter when she's grown up. Give the dcs some money to buy you a gift. I'm struggling they want to.

Bestthingever · 13/02/2017 19:08

God! Just read my post! I meant I'm sure they want to.

Original poster
RealhousewifeofEngland · 13/02/2017 19:38

Thanks but kids too young to buy me anything. They would try eating the money and then want to buy chocolate with it.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 13/02/2017 20:09

Happy birthday for Wednesday. It's my birthday as well that day and I already know I won't have a single card or any birthday wishes. DP will wish it me in person but we are so short of money at the mo I know he can't get me a card.

Flowers I hope your day is better than you expect it to be and try to treat yourself if you can :)

Chloe84 · 13/02/2017 20:13

Also my sister has been mentioning my mums milestone birthday later this year and how we should do something "big". I don't feel very inclined right now

I wouldn't feel inclined either. Text back to sis saying we always celebrate yours and mum's birthday but never mine, and it's making me feel a bit crap.

Don't feel you have to plan a big day for DM, especially as you're going through marriage problems, which are mentally and physically exhausting.

Itscurtainsforyou · 13/02/2017 20:43

Can you buy yourself something really nice, buy a cake and pretend to the kids that they've done it (lots of thank you's etc)?

Then do something lovely on the day. Will you be childfree?

Liiinoo · 14/02/2017 12:58

Thinking of you OP. Happy Birthday. Flowers

gleam · 15/02/2017 00:33

Happy Birthday Real. FlowersCakeWineFlowersCakeWine

Elllicam · 15/02/2017 07:05

Happy birthday. Hope you got your cake xx

Groovee · 15/02/2017 07:11

Happy Birthday xx

Velvian · 15/02/2017 07:14

Happy birthday! FlowersCake x

Tellmeagain · 15/02/2017 07:14

Have a wonderful day. Wishing you a happy birthday.

TheWitchwithNoName · 15/02/2017 07:16

Happy birthday OP 💐🎂🎁

Pinotwoman82 · 15/02/2017 07:19

Happy birthday OP Wine

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 15/02/2017 07:21

Happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Birthday !!! Cake CakeCake

Swipe left for the next trending thread