To call in sick?

[DreamCloud99]

Background:
I have ME.
I work part time in retail (travel agent)

I've recently had an informal meeting about my sickness (odd days here and there related to ME as well as a three month absence related to my ME).

I have 5 year old twins.

I've been poorly constantly since November with chest infections , viral illnesses , water infections etc all related to ME and how run down I am.

I've dragged myself in to work throughout (I had one day where I just couldn't ).

Today I'm very weak , I have a very sore throat and chest , I haven't eaten since yesterday lunch time as I'm so so exhausted . I've also got cystitis and an aching back due to all the coughing . I feel nauseous.

I have to drop the twins off at school - a 40 minute drive through traffic , then drive to work which is another 30 minutes away.

I just can't face it

I've zero energy and I'm aching from head to toe .

I'll be in trouble if I call in sick.
We are short on staff today due to a training day.

But I'm in tears as I feel so bad.

I don't know what to do ?

It sounds like you should quit working tbh and sign on incapacity as you sound very unwell and not fit for work

Really? Are people with such conditions not allowed to hold down a job, or at least try to with the help of reasonable adjustments?
OP, get in touch with Access To Work - they're there to help you stay in work - it's much better for the economy and for your emotional fulfilment if you do, any expenditure to give you the adjustments needed are better than have you just give up and go on benefits plus we all know how easy it is these days to just 'go on benefits'

DreamCloud thank goodness you got medical help. I do hope you recover ok from this. Take your time and don't put any more pressure on yourself at the moment.

When you are well enough to go back to work, I suggest taking a letter from your doctor outlining the impact of ME on your immune system and day to day activities along with links to information/ leaflets provided by the NHS. I think they produce a leaflet on ME specifically aimed at employers, from memory, because so many people are ignorant of it and how serious it is. I even had a senior manager at the firm I worked for when I was diagnosed tell me 'I get tired too after a long day', in an HR meeting! Many people are clueless.

The leaflets can form a good basis for discussions on further adjustments you may require and getting occupational health to enforce that for you, so your employer can't claim they didn't understand the effects of the illness or their legal duties. I am afraid they may make life difficult anyway, but honestly it is possible to find decent, supportive employers and restoring a work/life balance can enable you to function quite normally in the long term. I haven't now had a serious relapse in three years since changing my job, whereas it was every 6 months to a year with my previous one because they would not stick to the adjustments agreed.

I hope you are ok and resting up and have somebody to look after you? You did the right thing to trust what your body was telling you!

Kinds of puts the take a paracetamol and get on with it argument to bed! So OP I hope you are tucked up with lots of fluid, in a lovely comfy bed and are fast asleep. That is what you need.

Hope you're feeling better soon op.

The chief medical officer warned against antibiotic overuse, just for the record. I don't know what user said and sounds like she might be a bit of a gf but I do agree it's a serious issue and it's not taken seriously enough.

Hope you are feeling a bit better this morning.
I am a former ME/Chronic Fatigue sufferer (diagnosed and treated in a recognised NHS centre) who 10 years on finally feels free of the repeated infections, overwhelming tiredness etc, and the one piece of advice I would give you is do NOT rush back to work too soon. You may feel guilty staying off but in the long run you will do yourself no favours at all.
When the nasty comments began on the thread I stopped reading, but I did see there was a lot of 'discussion' about antibiotics. Interestingly I've never been able to shrug off the suspicion that my chronic fatigue was caused as a result of all the antibiotics I had to take to clear up an ingrowing toenail!
Up until I started to suffer with all the sore throats, aching joints etc etc you could have counted on one hand the number of times I had stayed off work sick, and yes I was one of those who felt ME was an excuse used by the work shy. Little did I know how awful it was.
My GP was simply the best, once he'd excluded any physical cause for my problems he referred me to a Chronic Fatigue specialist and in time things slowly began to improve. The 'treatment' was all about pacing, and although initially I chose to ignore some of the advice I found that once I began to do as I was told the symptoms began to occur less frequently. Nowadays I consider myself recovered but I have learned that when I have a cold or my joints begin to ache like they did before I take things easy for awhile.
When I was at my worst someone once said to me . .. you should work to live, not live for work, and I do try and do that now.

Ah yes. I had people at work tell me, "I get tired too." And friends. And even now if I ever say I've had to send the day in bed I get, "oh it would be lovely to be able to spend the day in bed." It's so so different when you have to. And all the things you were supposed to do still need doing by...

*Once he'd excluded any physical cause for my problems
*
I'm not sure if this is what you meant to write Millymae, because the rest of your post is very supportive, but this is unhelpful, misleading and risks continuing to propagate the huge misunderstandings about ME. The causes and physical processes behind the illness are still not well understood but the myth that ME somehow has no physical cause because doctors don't yet have an easy test for diagnosis has been thoroughly debunked. Some very good scientific research has been carried out in recent years showing significant immune system differences in ME sufferers and changes in brain matter. Far more research is needed, it is massively underfunded compared to research into other chronic illnesses, but there is solid evidence that the old assertions that it was a psychological issue were nonsense and very damaging to many sufferers (ironically, actually leading many of them to develop psychological problems subsequently). Given the connection and impacts on the immune system it's entirely plausible your condition was triggered by antibiotics. Mine was triggered by an operation.

Well done on your recovery, it takes so much determination. I also manage my condition through exercise, although this had to be built up painfully slowly over many years. But it is great to hear more positive stories that show it can be done with the right support.

I'm in a mess with mine. I tried to do more walking and now struggle with walking far at all. I'm waking up exhausted and manage a few hours up before wanting to lie down. I'm due to go back to the Dr. after more blood tests. Thing is I'd it's more depression then treatment seems so different - pushing through and exercise... To needing to rest.

Harry it is such a delicate balance, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. I'd recommend pushing to get referred to a specialist if at all possible rather than relying on your GP. Even with the best intentions many GPs know little about ME or haven't caught up since the dark days where the received wisdom was that it was all in patients' heads.

It's hard to disentangle because if you've been struggling for a while you may well have become depressed too, and as you say the treatment for depression won't really help you overcome the physical challenges of ME. But it may be a good idea to focus on stabilising yourself from the depression first because managing ME successfully, in my experience, requires relentless positivity and determination that can be impossible if you are depressed.

Exercise has to be built up very slowly and it takes a long time to tune into your body so you know when to stop. You have to accept that sometimes you'll misjudge it, do too much and make yourself ill but gradually you can start to feel where the limit is and push against it gently and slowly. Nobody can really set out a plan for you of how much to increase activity because it will be so individual.

At first I was sleeping 18 hours a day and was in agony walking 100 metres. S
Six years on, having changed jobs, by last year I was comfortably running 5km and working full time. When you feel that different kind of exhaustion you get from ME, that 'fog', you need to stop and rest, not push yourself over the edge. But over time you can gradually increase activity. It is so frustrating at first, going from 100 metres to 110 metres. But if you are patient and kind to yourself it can work. I wish you the best of luck.

Wow that's incredible! I was referred to an me/cfs clinic after I was diagnosed about 10 years ago which did have information on pacing but I've since had kids and life's changed so much and I feel awful.

I don't feel particularly depressed. I feel very frustrated. But all the symptons of not wanting to do anything/exhaustion etc could be either. I dont know what to say ro the Dr when I go!

It must be even more challenging with children, because you can't really pace looking after them! I am expecting my first this week so will also soon have to figure out how to manage my condition around having a family, and have struggled more recently because the pregnancy has limited my exercise, so have some rebuilding to do now to get back to where I was. But now I believe it's possible I think it will be easier.

I found it very hard to let people help me at first. If you have good family and friends around please lean on them as much as you can do that you can fit in the time you need for rest and exercise, it will pay off. I totally get what you say about the frustration! Patience (not naturally my strong point ) and stubbornness are your best weapons. It would be weird if you weren't feeling frustrated. Try to channel that into determination to change it, a tiny step at a time, and don't let the GP fob you off telling you that you are depressed if you aren't, that's the last thing you need.

The group sessions GPs often refer people to can be a mixed bag, it can easily turn into a place people come to complain and leave you feeling quite negative. I'd try to push the GP can get you some one-to-one specialist support on graded exercise and be prepared for it to be slow progress at first. You won't see changes day to day but over months it will build up and you can start to feel like yourself again.

Thanks for the encouragement and good luck with your baby. :)

We don't have any family support (just the opposite in fact) so the years of sleepless nights haven't helped and I kept thinking I was extra tired due to not sleeping etc etc. I wonder if I can be rereferred to the me clinic. Will ask.

Hi oneiroi - Yes I meant it exactly as it is written. In my case it was absolutely the right thing to do. This thread isn't about me I know, and we are all different, but if I tell you that after the longstanding problem with an ingrowing toenail ( entirely my fault because I left it far too long before seeking help) I developed labyrinthitis that I didn't properly recover from, you may see where I was coming from. I was back and forth to the doctors for weeks and each time I had bloods done the results were worse than the time before. I was losing weight, looked terrible, had aching joints, an upset stomach and absolutely no energy. My liver enzymes in particular were dreadful, and my GP was absolutely right to make sure that there wasn't a cancer somewhere. I had CT scans, MRI scans, an endoscopy and a sigmoidoscopy and thankfully apart from some nasal polyps and a hiatus hernia which I didn't know I had there was nothing suspicious found. I know a lot of people are very touchy about the psychological aspects of ME, but I make no apologies for what I said. I really didn't mean anything by it and certainly was not being unsympathetic. Believe me, I know exactly how awful ME can be. I've been there and got the t shirt in an extra large size.

Milly I understand that GPs need to rule out other physical causes of people's symptoms that they do have effective tests for, but ME is not a psychological illness (coping with it can cause psychological problems, but that causal relationship is the other way around). As I said research has progressed a lot in recent years and while they still haven't got to the bottom of what causes it and how the physical processes work, they have firmly established physical effects of ME such as changes in gut bacteria, the immune system and brain matter. Obviously there is still no cure at present, only treatment for symptoms, but it isn't a case of being touchy about it, it can be very damaging to imply that it is caused by psychological illness. This makes it harder for medical researchers to obtain the funding they need, as well as misleading patients and leading to inappropriate medical advice in many cases, even people being placed on anti-depressants when they don't need them.

I am very glad to hear you're so much better though. And hope that you can now dispose of that T shirt!

Oh no, pneumonia is awful, DH took ages to fully recover from it!

wishing you a speedy recovery

If I was in your circumstance I'd drag myself in.. the next stage of disciplinary would cause me more stress than a day at work

Amaried

You didn't fancy reading the full thread then?

ME is a physical illness and comes under the equality act but it is also possible and usually understandable that employers cannot continue with an employee who as OP said, has had three months continuous sick in a calendar year and other days too. As long as they have made reasonable adjustments and gone through the appropriate processes they shouldn't be deemed to be unsympathetic or not understanding on that basis.

And that userxxx poster is correct about antibiotic resistance but proved themselves to be not someone to attempt to engage with with their 'worse than rape' comment and getting a shop worker sacked for talking casually about antibiotics (but that bit is almost certainly complete bollocks and on the off chance it isn't, that poster is......I think you can guess).

Do you work FT or PT OP, just wondering if you can drop a shift to ease the strain in yourself? Would this be an option or even a reduced work load.

Yep, pneumonia would explain just not feeling like you could drag yourself in! Oh dear. I hope you recover quickly.

Just out of curiosity, have any of the posters with ME ever been tested for gluten sensitivities?
I was mis-diagnosed with ME but turns out that gluten was the culprit

Greyponcho that was one of the blood tests I had early on when they were trying to diagnose what was wrong with me and it came back normal. Strange that it isn't a standard test they do for everyone! How long was it before they realised that it was gluten making you ill?

OP how are you feeling?

I would say if you have symptoms like this do go to the Doctors. There are lots of things that are "treatable" as well as ME/CFS that have the same kind of non-specific symptoms. It is always worth nagging at Doctors to at least get all the blood tests etc.

Mummytime the OP has been to the hospital and been diagnosed with pneumonia.