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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very concerned about friends weight loss and eating habits?

127 replies

FriendIsActingStrange · 11/02/2017 21:39

This time last year she was a size 14 with normal eating habits and a normal attitude to food. Then one day she suddenly decided she was going to go on a health kick. All well and gone but fast forward a year later and I'm worried she is taking it too far.

She has lost a lot of weight and she is now a size 10 and tbh looks a bit too thin through her frame. Her diet now consists of salads, jacket potatoes and she will only eat homemade food and food she has prepared herself. She will only drink water or tea except on special occasions.

AIBU to be worried? She looks so thin now and so obsessive about food Sad

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 07:36

I agree with you, sometimes eating disorders sound just like this, controlling and eliminating certain foods, until they are surviving on virtually nothing. Sounds like this.

NorksAreMessy · 12/02/2017 07:37

Is this one of those 'reverse' threads? Hmm

CactusFred · 12/02/2017 07:46

You're describing me.

Lost 4 stone and now working hard not to fall back into bad habits.

I had near diabetes, high blood pressure, IBS and felt awful all the time and now I'm a 12/14, working towards a 12 when I will stop and maintain.

She's done really well and she's unlikely to be too think it's just a shock to the eyes now she's lost weight. People are telling me 'surely you aren't going to lose any more' when in reality my mum is still 26.9!

Just be pleased for her. You sound caring, channel that into pride Smile

CactusFred · 12/02/2017 07:49

BMI not mum!

Screwinthetuna · 12/02/2017 07:49

Fitfatty, size 14 is large when you buy in sizes small, medium and large.
8-10 is small
10-12 is medium
14-16 is large.

Her friend is now small to medium...

Toffeelatteplease · 12/02/2017 07:51

controlling and eliminating certain foods, until they are surviving on virtually nothing. Sounds like this.

Except roughly 2 stone weight loss in a year doesn't sound like this at all. For a two stone weight loss at 5 foot 5 your looking at roughly 1400-1500 calories a day. That's not surviving on virtually nothing. You can cut to 1200 and still be considered to be eating healthily (a little lower i think with doctor and nutritionist support).

(Unless she's restricting and then bingeing) Nothing about this rate of weightless screams surviving on virtually nothing or even overly restrictive.

Screwinthetuna · 12/02/2017 07:53

Posted too soon! So yea, not calling anyone fat who is a size 14 as fat and large are 2 separate things. Going from what op said though, her friend wasn't size 14 of pure muscle before

Somehowsomewhere · 12/02/2017 07:58

In fact, I'm 5ft 5, size 10 and my BMI is 24. Certainly not too thin by anyone's standards.

Toffeelatteplease · 12/02/2017 08:07

Actually I'm going to bite.

Having lost 5 stone of weight in the last year family seemed compelled to tell me firstly how good I look (which was great) but secondly not to go too far or make myself ill because you know "it's great what you've achieved but...."

This started at 2 stone weight loss despite the fact that even now at 5 stone weight loss I'm still not at healthy bmI and I am also a few percent of healthy body fat percentage.

There seems to be an assumption that if you change your diet or if you say no to something you previously (or even on another occasion) you enjoyed your mUst be being overly restrictive and controlling ofor your food intake

I love food but my previous eating habits were what got me in the 16-17 stone mess in the first place. Not overly surprising that if I want to keep the weight off my eating habits are going to change.

And fwiw family are still complimenting good me on how well I look.

Manijo · 12/02/2017 08:14

Maybe you and your friends need to look at your diet. Is there a tinge of jealousy here?
She sounds healthy and sensible to me. I wouldn't eat pizza for lunch either

HashiAsLarry · 12/02/2017 08:15

I lost 6 stone 3-4 years ago. My eating habits have completely changed. I may not eat things I previously enjoyed, but I also eat things I didn't before. Sometimes I'm in the mood for some foods, sometimes not. I used to love a burger for instance, but now I really don't enjoy the entire meat-bun-filling-fries affair, preferring a naked burger with a salad.

All this time down the line though I've come through the 'you're too thin comments' when my BMI is bang in the middle of normal range through to 'look at you putting weight on like that' when I gained half a stone through illness and still was a normal BMI

MagicChicken · 12/02/2017 08:16

Great last postBewty completely agree with you and I am working towards being in that place too.

ArriettyClock1 · 12/02/2017 08:17

Good for her.

I can't see any cause for concern; I bet she feels and looks great.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/02/2017 08:17

I'd rather have a salad than pizza & I'm nowhere near skinny.

MagicChicken · 12/02/2017 08:18

And most of my everyday wardrobe is in a size 14. I don't think anyone would dispute that I am large/overweight though.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 08:26

Pizza is fine, choose a thin base, and just have a sandwich or something for dinner. I would much rather have a pizza any day, but you can eat the naughties but in moderation. You do not have to cut them out.

SaoirseLikeInertia · 12/02/2017 08:27

It sounds like your friend still meets up with the rest of you, goes for lunch or coffee or whatever. Surely that is the important part? You meet up, have a chat, catch up and enjoy each other's company. What you all eat is secondary to seeing your friends.

I am at least 5 stone overweight, my friends all slim. I recently changed my way of eating for health reasons, and as an added result am losing weight slowly. I don't know if my friends even notice what I opt for on menus - we're more involved in the gossipy catch up

YouMeddlingKids · 12/02/2017 08:27

What was the salad op? If it was a proper, served as a main course salad then you really have nothing to worry about, that's a normal meal. If it was a plain side salad of leaves then I would worry that she'd started restricting excessively. As pp have said, you can have an eating disorder at any size.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/02/2017 08:51

I am losing weight now but even when I wasn't would prefer a salad over pizza. Why the assumption that everyone must want to eat pizza?

AmpleRaspberries · 12/02/2017 09:05

Her diet sounds fine to me. I've lost almost 2 stone on slimming world and dropped from an 18 to a 14. Im still very overweight. I'm around 5'5" and have only just dropped out of the obese part of the bmi chart. I've already had people tell me I'm fine now and don't need to lose more. I don't think they mean anything by it, they just mean it as a compliment.

If I am out I'll make a decision about whether I'm going to eat in line with my diet or indulge that bit more. I try to keep the indulgences to once or twice a month. For example I am going away for the night with dh and will have wine and eat whatever I fancy. Next week I'm meeting friends do r lunch and will aim to order something as in line with my diet as possible. I'm going to spend time with friends, what I eat isn't the main focus.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2017 09:09

That's fine devil, it's horses for courses, but does not mean pizza is bad. There are many high fat foods that can adapted to be healthy. I go out for dinner with friends once a month, so I indulge, but won't have a large portion, I will choose a small lasagna for example or a small grill.

EnormousTiger · 12/02/2017 09:10

It sounds ilke she is eating normally and well and before ate very badly and that those of you who know her perhaps need to copy her new eating patterns for your own sakes.

HeCantBeSerious · 12/02/2017 09:25

There are many high fat foods that can adapted to be healthy.

Science shows that it's not high fat that makes us fat. Sandwich for lunch and pizza for dinner is likely to be more fattening than a high fat, medium protein, low carb meal.

Catlady1976 · 12/02/2017 09:43

I am more worried that 5ft4 and size 8 is being a few pounds heavier than an ideal weight.
Op your friend sounds fine.
There is literally no hope for me.

happypoobum · 12/02/2017 09:53

I think for some people, when you make healthy changes, whether that means losing a little weight, cutting back on alcohol, exercising more, they see it as a declaration of war.

It sort of throws a light on everyone else in the family/friendship group and any unhealthy habits they might have.

From what OP describes, her friend has gone from slightly overweight to healthy weight. Good for her! I am not sure why it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you have to draw a sad face about her not eating a pizza?

If this were my friend I would not be "very concerned" no. I would be really pleased for her.