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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very concerned about friends weight loss and eating habits?

127 replies

FriendIsActingStrange · 11/02/2017 21:39

This time last year she was a size 14 with normal eating habits and a normal attitude to food. Then one day she suddenly decided she was going to go on a health kick. All well and gone but fast forward a year later and I'm worried she is taking it too far.

She has lost a lot of weight and she is now a size 10 and tbh looks a bit too thin through her frame. Her diet now consists of salads, jacket potatoes and she will only eat homemade food and food she has prepared herself. She will only drink water or tea except on special occasions.

AIBU to be worried? She looks so thin now and so obsessive about food Sad

OP posts:
augustusglupe · 12/02/2017 00:16

she only eats homemade food and food she has prepared herself

And she only drinks tea and water

This could all be me, except I do like the odd cappuccino Blush

I'm a size 10 too and I consider my diet healthy, but not faddish... I think your friend is doing great!! Good for her Smile

madein1995 · 12/02/2017 00:17

She sounds healthy to me. Maybe you're not used to seeing her slim, but as long as she's happy she's doing ok? My friend and me are the same height, she's a size 8 and my goal size is to be a size 12 - my friend doesn't look unhealthy, but we just have different ideas.

To be honest, the kind of diet you describe is healthy. Perhaps the reason she didn't want a pizza was because she was looking forward to her chocolate and wine that evening? Or her takeaway tomorrow night? I've got to say, I've had friends who seem to take offence at my eating out and I found it really frustrating feeling like I had to justify myself. And then eating more than expected due to peer pressure [embarrassed] good on your friend for her willpower! If your friend is loosing weight or trying to, a pizza she didn't really want does have an impact - she has to have less of what she wants (eg chocolate later on) or her weight loss is impacted. I never realised how much of an issue food is until I tried loosing weight - and the odd takeaway is fine but not 3 times in one week. I had to start refusing, and then looking like the odd one out. Your friend shouldn't have to eat pizza to join in. I've ordered different things to friends in the past. With the wine, perhaps she was driving later/doing school run/laying off wine for a bit/just didn't fancy it? With dessert again maybe she didn't fancy it?

I don't think salads, jacket pots or homemade food are an unusual diet. Generally salads or jacket potatoes are the healthiest option when eating out, and food is always better if you cook it yourself. Though personally if I'm spending over the odds for food I'll make it something more enjoyable/cost effective than a salad or a potato, but I appreciate others are different. If you'd said she was exsisting purely on nuts, apples and kale perhaps I'd see it differently.

As for only drinking water or tea, that's perfectly fine and up to her. Myself I mainly drink flavoured water, tea, coffee or wine. I gave up fizzy pop a while ago and recently tried it and even the pepsi max or diet stuff tasted unbearably sweet. Your tastebuds really do change if you alter what you're eating.

Crispbutty · 12/02/2017 00:21

Last year she wasn't on a weight loss diet, she is now or is now being more careful about what she eats. Salad for lunch is perfectly normal. Sounds like she has good will power and has worked hard at losing the weight and wants to maintain her new size.

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 00:25

14 to 10 in a year is hardly extreme. it's usually less than 2 stone difference.

FeralBeryl · 12/02/2017 00:26

YABU. She may look very different to you but sounds entirely within range.

I lost a great deal of weight and have kept it off.
My BMI is still over 23, I am 5,8 and a size 12, but on an almost daily basis I get people telling me I look too thin. I'm really not!
But they are used to me being much chubbier.

My tastes have changed dramatically too, I would far rather have a posh salad for lunch than a pizza. It doesn't mean I have issues. It means I'm enjoying eating 'cleanly' vom

What I do find is that some people tend to resent the fact that I may choose something healthy, and almost see it as an insult if I don't want cake if they're having some etc.

I feel that my attitude towards food and eating out has finally changed after many years, many diets. Something has finally just clicked, maybe it has for your friend?

I still have odd periods of thinking I want to eat a bit rubbishly but find after a couple of days, I feel so rotten that I go back to my healthier ways.

Please be supportive, if she becomes skeletal then yes, obviously review this, otherwise be her champion.

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2017 00:28

Part of me hopes this is a reverse, as much as I hate them...

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 00:30

FTR I'm 5'4, currently 12-14, and could manage 23 slices of pizza before feeling icky. I have days when I can't face cheese at all, so might just opt for a salda, rather than risk painting the bus brown.

ambereeree · 12/02/2017 03:03

Sounds like she's changed her eating habits for the better. I'm 5 foot 7 and size 8, i eat a lot but like your friend go for healthy options. I'm certainly not underweight.

saladsmoothie · 12/02/2017 03:29

You could be writing about me OP :)

I've worked jolly hard to get to this size, I look great, and no way would I blow 700+ calories on pizza for lunch. It's not what my body is used to now. And Im probably going for a run later so i don't want a belly full of pizza.

TheStoic · 12/02/2017 05:23

Sounds like you're one of 'those' people who make digs at the healthy choices of their friends.

She'll soon stop socialising with you, you won't comprehend why, and you'll start bitching about that too.

MagicChicken · 12/02/2017 05:30

Everyone else had a pizza and some wine but she ordered a salad, some fruit and a tea. This time last year she wouldn't have turned down a pizza Sad

Yes but this time last year she was overweight and now she's not. A modern size ten is not thin or dangerously underweight and if she's eating lots of fresh fruit and veg and still on the potatoes then she's hardly doing anything terribly extreme. Just leave her alone and mind your own business. Friends like you are not really friends at all. You sound like you preferred it when she was fat and unhappy.

MagicChicken · 12/02/2017 05:32

And there is nothing worse than when you are working hard to eat better and drink less and your friends keep badgering you to booze with them and 'lighten up a bit' and implying that you've gone all boring and po-faced.

It's one of the main reasons so many people fail to lose weight or consistently keep it off - unsupportive friends and family who want to sabotage you to make themselves feel better.

MaisyPops · 12/02/2017 06:15

She doesnt sound underweight at all.
Personally, the idea of what "normal" is theae days is a bit warped in my opinion as it seems to mean BMI of mid-high 20s (top end of actual normal and into iverweight).

I'm an 8 and I cook from scratch, eat healthily and dont eat junk. Not for diet reasons, ive just never been a fan.

Unfortunatly (and im not saying youre doing it OP) its become very fashionable to engage in all this 'real women have curves' nonsense etc. Seemingly overweight people are untouchbale and just like to enjoy being overweight but get annoyed when anyone changes or comments on it.

insancerre · 12/02/2017 06:41

So she's eating a healthy diet and is a healthy weight for her height and the problem is ?
Op, are you jealous?

Toffeelatteplease · 12/02/2017 06:50

14 to 10 in a year is hardly extreme. it's usually less than 2 stone difference.

This absolutely. And if it took her a year to do this she probably hasn't restricted her calorie intake anywhere near as much as she could.

And a salad in a restaurant often just as calorific as other options by the time you include dressing and toppings. Certainly isn't my go to healthy choice eating out.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 12/02/2017 06:53

Oi!

All this 'real women have curves' nonsense

Real women do have curves! Real women are slender. Real women are muscular. Real women are morbidly obese. Real women come in all heights and shapes.

The majority of overweight women I know don't 'enjoy' being overweight. But they are fully deserving of enjoying life without people judging them over their size. Their weight issue is theirs to own, not yours to comment on. Making people feel bad about being overweight does nothing to serve them. Making the changes needed for a healthier future, and making them stick, is much much easier if you are starting from a place of positivity.

I'm going to leave this thread now, because I am in that positive place and making healthy changes. I'm not interested in arguing with people about this.

MaisyPops · 12/02/2017 07:04

BewtySkoolDropowt

  • 'real women have curves' is nonsense. Women come in all shapes and sizes.

My point is that as our ideal of 'normal/healthy' has become bigger, i just get really annoyed when people who are a bit overweight seem to think its perfectly fine to be awful about slimmer people.
Or worse, make sarcy comments to people who are trying to make healthy choices like 'but you'll watse away', 'why do you want to look like a stick insect', 'there'll be nothing left of you'.
A couple of women i know who make massively unhelathy choices, judge people who are trying to make healthy choices and churn out lots of 'im just curvy/big boned' etc but then tell me (im quite petite) that i 'need more meat on me', 'need fattening up' etc. The reality is i was brought up eating healthily and work out and am quite strong from training and im not being funny but there is a massive differenve between being curvy and being significantly overweight.

If its ok for larger people to attack slimer people then i dont feel ita fair to expect to be immune from comments back.

HappySeven · 12/02/2017 07:05

Bewty, I don't think Maisie meant any offence and was really saying what you have - that 'real' women come in all shapes and sizes. The 'real women have curves' can be pretty offensive to women with boyish figures as it suggests they're not real women. Please don't be offended.

HappySeven · 12/02/2017 07:06

Oops, cross post!

Thefitfatty · 12/02/2017 07:17

She doesn't sound underweight or like her diet is unhealthy. However, a lot of middle aged women are now being diagnosed with eating disorders, and most of them won't be underweight either.

Does the idea of eating things other than her planned meals fill her with anxiety? Is she avoiding going out or social situations because she may be tempted to eat unhealthy foods? Is she cutting out major food groups (which could lead her to be looking unwell)?

There is living a healthy lifestyle and there is becoming unhealthily obsessed with food.

Screwinthetuna · 12/02/2017 07:22

I'm with the others. Size 14 is large. She's a size 10, not a 4/6 and still eating, albeit heathily. Maybe she's feeling great about herself and doesn't want to be a size 14 ever again. Size 10 really isn't too thin. No offence but you come across as perhaps a bit jealous

Thefitfatty · 12/02/2017 07:24

Size 14 is large.

Yeah 14 is massive. They had to cut me out of my house the other day... Hmm

MaisyPops · 12/02/2017 07:33

Thefitfatty

  • i think what Screwinthetuna meant is that a 14 could be large on a 5ft5 person.
Obviously it depends on frame. I'm an 8 at that height with a small frame and a 12 would look big on me. But i have a friends who"s a 14, broad frame and 5ft6 and it looks great on her.
TheDowagerCuntess · 12/02/2017 07:33

This time last year she wouldn't have turned down a pizza Sad

Love the Daily Mail sad face, OP. Grin

Somehowsomewhere · 12/02/2017 07:36

I'm 5ft 5 and a size 10, and am certainly not too thin. In fact I'm trying to lose half a stone (by eating fresh, homemade food with plenty of fruit and veg and giving up alcohol etc). She sounds perfectly normal and healthy.