Abuse? What would you have done?

[Cubtrouble]

Went to museum yesterday.

In a line for film there with my child (5), there was a family a few people in front of us, mum, dad, boy and girl, boy was around 8/9, girl maybe 7 or 8.

Girl was attached to mother wrist with "lead" like a fabric strap, loop at either ends round her and mums wrist. Mother was an absolute animal, shouting loudly at this poor girl, stand still or I will smack you, get back next to me, stop this, stop moving, etc, in the line and again in the pre film briefing, "sit still, for Christ sake stop moving"
The girl complained the strap was tight and it was loosened roughly with the mother telling her off yet again. She was roughly yanked along when it was time to leave.

The behaviour was noticed by plenty of other people. It was loud and very aggressive.

I wanted to say something- staff noticed but no one did anything.

The dad was at least 6'4. He didn't utter a word. The mum was short and fat and angry.

I was obviously with my own child and on my own and I didn't think I could say anything without altercation and that would have been frightening for my own child. I was genuinely concerned it could have turned out badly for ME. So I kept quiet.

The kids for what it's worth looked clean and well cared for in nice clothes.

What would you have done???

Didn't see that again. Was obvious to staff who could have removed them from the show or told her to stop? But should they?

Personally I'd wonder why the tall dad wasn't getting involved at all.

Ignore all the idiots on here who'll try and tell you you're wrong for saying she was short and fat and how she's probably an amazing mother

She sounds bloody awful and I can just imagine what she was like. A tricky situation for you

And all the woman on here rushing to defend abuse of young children

Pathetic

Thank God for 'busybodies' noticing when children are ill treated.

I once watched a man walking his dog down the street. the animal was completely cowed by him, walking along and he was shouting etc. No, I did not report, who too? I felt very sad. It was just a snap shot but I think it was realistic of what that dog lived.

In the case of this family I don't know. It may be an accurate snap shot or an unrealistic one.

I don't know many parents who advocate smacking. I think it is shit parenting 101. I am sure there are many out there (myself included) who have done it when very angry and upset and (losing control) but I would never advocate it. I think smacking children is totally unhelpful parenting.

Sara I've had anxiety, it doesn't necessarily manifest in shouting. The mum said "sit still, for Christ sake stop moving" that doesn't sound like she was anxious, it sounds like she was announced.

I get that, kids can be bloody annoying. It's worrying she was willing to be so unpleasant in public, most people temper their behavior in public so in private may be even more unpleasant with child.

"But truly she is not an abused child." We don't know that do we. We only know what we see, which is a snapshot as said.

If it makes you feel better OP I do think that possibly the fact this family were out together for a family outing it does suggest they are less likely to be abusive parents, I am willing to be shot down in flames but I think some families who treat their children very badly are less likely to take them for treats etc like the cinema.

I once saw a little boy whose situation I was not sure about and I rang NSPCC. They talked the situation through with me and it seemed like maybe I was overreacting. The difference to this was that although I did not know the family, I did know where he lived.

I think being observant of these things is good, it is not being a busybody, it is being part of a community.

annoyed not announced!

I think we live in a rubbish world where so many kids are rude and ignorant little savages and are allowed to be so because parents don't have any control of there little darlings and often even defend there horrible behaviour and manners.
I believe my girls have learnt (majority of the time anyway )to be better behaved and better mannered for lots reasons but a part of that is yes I do smack along with other discipline when needed.
And I believe a lot of the bad behaviour etc would not be there if parents took more responsibility in sorting out there children rather than defending there little angels when they are blatantly out of order.
I believe the laws on smacking etc have crossed the line of common sense in too many countries.
Abuse is abuse full stop we know the difference and don't need to discuss it.
i smack yes so yes I advocate it totally

Horridhenry- she didn't smack her no- she threatened to and showed be girl her hand- hard to explain with showing.

Beyound- totally wondered what tall dad was doing- brother didn't get yelled at either and he was fidgety too.

Tatteredowl- 🤗 Thank you

Horridhenry- she didn't smack her no- she threatened to and showed be girl her hand- hard to explain with showing.

Beyound- totally wondered what tall dad was doing- brother didn't get yelled at either and he was fidgety too.

Tatteredowl- 🤗 Thank you

Ugh. This is why i find MN much duller these days. So many threads derailed by offended folk.

The fat issue has been raised over and over again. As has 'my child wore a strap...'

Not the fucking point! Now this thread will probably go on for 500 posts mainly saying the same thing.

It sounds awful, OP. It would have upset me too.

Totally understand you Cubtrouble I wasn't judging why you posted

*And all the woman on here rushing to defend abuse of young children

Pathetic*

owl and greyhound I agree with your posts. If a poster started a thread with '' I was in a queue and being obnoxious and loudly threatening physically assault smack my child and people were staring at me''... I know what response they would get.

The mother's size and the father's height are nothing to do with anything. Who are you to judge a stranger on the way they look?

Wrist straps are perfectly acceptable and commonly used to stop kids who are prone to running away. Would you prefer a child lost in a crowded place and abducted, or dead under a bus? Again, who are you to judge whether it was necessary to use at that time? Get over yourself.

Ok, the way she child was spoken to wasn't great, but you haven't been with them all day, the child could have been a pain, running away, moaning, complaining, making the outing stressful, perhaps the parent was at the end of her tether. Perhaps they are abusive parents and need investigating, who knows, you don't know them so there is little you could have done.

For those offended at 'short and fat' etc what if you were a social worker and had to take a statement? Would you be so distracted by choices of phrases you couldn't see past those to the actual main issue?

I think that unless you've lived as a parent of a child with special needs and have experienced the non existent support available YABU to judge a parent who is living it.

My autistic daughter is now an adult but as a child there were moments that I'm ashamed of. Times where I let us both down. But guess what, we're only human. And we're trying our hardest, often in circumstances other parents can't begin to comprehend.

I wish a 'busybody' had reported my 'short, fat, angry' dad for abusing me in public as a child.

I am pretty sure hitting children is illegal where I live, so could have reported them.

But probably wouldn't have dared.

All those people claiming that the girl deserved punishment ... the OP was there. If the child had done anything warranting punishment, the person who is not the parent, and just wants to watch a film in peace, would be most likely to notice.

Short and fat does imply judgemental, so I would take with a pinch of salt what someone who was judgemental said. That is why so many people are mentioning it.
Smacking is not illegal in this country, maybe it ought to be. Threatening to smack a child is not illegal but is not nice.
Parents who shout/smack/threaten in public don't tend to do much more behind closed doors, they don't think there is anything wrong with what they are doing.
Parents who know it is socially frowned upon to smack/threaten/shout are more likely to do so behind closed doors. (Not everyone obviously!)

Know has said she deserved it they said the mother could have been at the end of her tether. Know one is perfect the mother was trying to treat her children and lost her rag.

j`kqwkw

Kit the OP has explained she found the physical size of both parents intimidating. Although now a very solid overweight person I was once pretty much stick thin. When I was thin (maybe because I am also short) I found big people quite intimidating. I'm overweight (fat) and still find very big , as in tall and large, people intimidating.

So size was relevant to how the OP felt.

Carol I too am appalled at some kids' behaviour but I am pretty certain teaching them to equate might with right will only result in potentially fear-led behaviour.

If you cannot sort out bad behaviour without a snack you had better be sure by the time they get to 11 they are very compliant!

My dd at 11 was already stronger than I am, I am fairly sure ds (6) will be stronger than me before he's 11.

There is no need for physical punishment IMHO. There is a need for discipline nd engagement. This also teaches kids to sort out issues themselves without turning to physical violence/punishment/consequence.

Sorry Polkadot

Smacking, inmho, should be illegal. It is physically assaulting a child which if anyone else was to do to the child, say a random on the street, is illegal. Is it ok because you are related to them? No it is not. Children being well behaved simply because they are scared of being hit by their own parents is nothing to be proud of.

Presumably height and weight are relevant because in the context of wondering whether you should intervene in a situation it's perfectly normal to think what might happen if the party retaliated physically

What if the child had been an absolute nightmare & was then seeming to be good because they knew they'd pushed their parents to their limit & sort of thinking 'shit, better behave now'

I'm sure people have walked past me giving one of my kids a proper telling off or just the aftermath, like the 'now stand there & do not move!' Type thing & thought I was a terrible parent, but hadn't seen that 3 minutes earlier, said 3 yr old had grabbed a paw patrol DVD off a shelf & bolted out the shop door with it 😳 or had nearly run into a road or something equally naughty/dangerous

Why was a 7/8 year old on a lead? That seems weird to me. It would worry me too to hear a mother being so horrible to a child. She sounds like someone with anger issues and she deserves to be challenged in her behaviour. Maybe what they say about short men being aggressive applies to short women too. She might even have felt aggrieved because she was fat, too, not only short. Some people are just nasty.

...on her behaviour