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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abuse? What would you have done?

177 replies

Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 16:24

Went to museum yesterday.

In a line for film there with my child (5), there was a family a few people in front of us, mum, dad, boy and girl, boy was around 8/9, girl maybe 7 or 8.

Girl was attached to mother wrist with "lead" like a fabric strap, loop at either ends round her and mums wrist. Mother was an absolute animal, shouting loudly at this poor girl, stand still or I will smack you, get back next to me, stop this, stop moving, etc, in the line and again in the pre film briefing, "sit still, for Christ sake stop moving"
The girl complained the strap was tight and it was loosened roughly with the mother telling her off yet again. She was roughly yanked along when it was time to leave.

The behaviour was noticed by plenty of other people. It was loud and very aggressive.

I wanted to say something- staff noticed but no one did anything.

The dad was at least 6'4. He didn't utter a word. The mum was short and fat and angry.

I was obviously with my own child and on my own and I didn't think I could say anything without altercation and that would have been frightening for my own child. I was genuinely concerned it could have turned out badly for ME. So I kept quiet.

The kids for what it's worth looked clean and well cared for in nice clothes.

What would you have done???

Didn't see that again. Was obvious to staff who could have removed them from the show or told her to stop? But should they?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 11/02/2017 17:26

Also, if the Dad was very tall, the girl my have looked older than she was.

I once took a 2yo to the park. He was very big for his age, and looked more like a 4.5 year old. His mother suggested reigns would be a good idea, but I thought I knew better, and there was no need. Anyway, we got to the park, I let go of the boys hand and he started to run. And rund. My life, he could run fast! But to a passing stranger if he'd been in reins it would have looked like I had a 5yo in reins for no reason.

KathArtic · 11/02/2017 17:27

10/10 for everyone who managed to be offended by the 'short fat' comment.

If you were all so righteous you would have ignored the comment.

Typical MN.

KathArtic · 11/02/2017 17:27

10/10 for everyone who managed to be offended by the 'short fat' comment.

If you were all so righteous you would have ignored the comment.

Typical MN.

HecateAntaia · 11/02/2017 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:30

Had I been on my own- I would have said something- I wasn't, I was with my own child without help.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 11/02/2017 17:31

So she said stop moving, come back, stand still a number of times and then on one occasion she threatened a smack (not something I would personally do).

Was that the point at which you felt you would have said something?

It seems like she was constantly having to check the girl's behaviour and was getting stressed herself.

What is the breaking point in her behaviour that you felt she should have been reported?

I am not sure why you didn't actually if you felt that bad. First you said you didn't because you said the reason for saying the mum was short and fat was because she'd snap you in half, and then you back tracked and said you yourself are "chubby" and then later fat.

Once again you do not seem to realise that the child may have some SEN that means using the strap is the way she feels most comfortable with keeping close to her mother.

But hayho you carry on judging or even worse asking us to judge and agree with you.

Carollocking · 11/02/2017 17:38

I use harness and reins/lead my youngest she's nearly 8 she has SN and although I understand not a good thing to witness her behaviour you may not have seen the behaviour before the queue etc so hard judge really.
Stress gets to us all at times.

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 17:43

Are you sure you didn't say she was short and fat because she is a contrast to her 6'4" partner?

And an 'absolute animal'? Hmm

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:45

Wow. Thank you to the people who have posted sensible answers. I had not thought of some of the reasons for using the strap, I'm not against them. I used reigns for my eldest child when they were learning to walk, to help them and to stop them going too fast. Didn't see it as a problem for an older child but see your points so thank you.

Allthebest. I haven't back fracked anything thanks, what exactly do self righteous people call people who have eaten too much? I ate too much- I call myself fat- I'm doing something about it by eating less and exercising. Being fat has nothing to do with the fact this woman being horrible to her child. It has to do with me not confronting her. I was smaller and I felt vulnerable especially with my own child. She was a lot bigger than I was. She already threatened the child with a smack- what's to say she wouldn't have caused me a problem if I had confronted her? Threatened me in front of my child and others. I tend not to pick fights- especially ones I'm unlikely to win.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 11/02/2017 17:45

YouHadMeAtCake (great name) I am with you!

What's the point in going on about the OP's description of the mum. She told us the dad was 6'4. What's the big deal with her describing the mum!!

I'm short and fat, I know it, so what, the OP could say it. The post was about the child.

Seems it's more important to get upset about a random women being called fat (not to her face)!!

I'd be upset about the treatment of the child too, but not sure how you can report it, or to whom.

She sounds very unpleasant.

I might be tempted to get in to conversation with the mum and comment on how well behaved her daughter is.

I do find it sad when parents are constantly shouting at their kids but I am not sure telling them off helps.

I think it is more likely to get through to them that their kid is nice and normal (and by extension might make them wonder why they feel the need to be so shouty!).

Or I might have done what you did and just silently feel upset.

You could have commented on the threat to smack, but again, I am not sure I would have.

Tough one.

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:46

Carol- point taken.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:48

Italian- exactly!!!

OP posts:
JFT96 · 11/02/2017 17:49

Not going to comment on behaviour I didn't see myself but there's nothing wrong with those wrist straps, I use one for my son, not that he lets me hold the other end. Maybe the mother had a stressful day and was at her wits end over behaviour, you only saw a small snapshot of everything, not the whole picture

Miserylovescompany2 · 11/02/2017 17:50

What you explained was merely a snap shot into another's life. You didn't see what happened prior or after.

You've made a judgement on someone else's parenting based on minutes worth of observations. You don't know anything about the needs of the child nor the capabilities of her parents.

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:50

Chloe- no- he was very tall and she was- well short and fat. She was loud, rude and nasty to what seemed like a very nice little girl. I describe her as an absolute animal because her behaviour was awful.

OP posts:
Carollocking · 11/02/2017 17:51

I often put on a nicer front than my feelings really are as my daughter is my responsibility and I don't like to make a scene however I'm not an angel lol and I have let my feelings known where others have heard at the odd time.
And of course it's often been as I said in my first post they haven't seen her behaviour before so looks like I'm rather crazy over nothing lol

Carollocking · 11/02/2017 17:53

Also maybe your not a advocate of a smack when needed which makes you also feel mothers behaviour is worse possibly ?

Oblomov17 · 11/02/2017 17:54

"Abuse"?
Another poster said "mistreated".
I don't see either. You sound like a complete busybody.

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:56

LOL actually laughing out loud at busybody!

Hardly

OP posts:
Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 17:57

Oblomov.... where you at the museum yesterday with your kid on a lead? Are you short and fat with a lot of curly hair and a penache for whalloping your kid in public?

OP posts:
Sara107 · 11/02/2017 17:59

It does sound horrible, but maybe the mother has anxiety about losing the child in crowded, public places? So maybe she ties the child on and gets snappy. It doesn't mean that their entire lives are lived like that. I have lost my cool with DD in public before, and I ' m sure other people have looked on and thought what a bloody awful woman, poor little girl. But truly she is not an abused child.

YouHadMeAtCake · 11/02/2017 17:59

Also maybe your not a advocate of a smack when needed

So you are Carol ?

Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 18:01

carol- it wasn't just about the smack threat, it was the whole behaviour. I wasn't the only one who noticed it either, other people mentioned it to each other, it was quiet in the line, you could hear every word she said to the girl and people were staring. I wouldn't bother posting if I didn't think it was bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cubtrouble · 11/02/2017 18:02

Sara- hopefully you are right.

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 11/02/2017 18:05

Did she smack her or was she just frustrated with a child who can't behave themselves? She might suffer from anxiety and was a little OTT. You do sound judgemental, sorry.