To feel uncomfortable with my new neighbour

[Sikkinis]

I'm aware that mumsnet is awash with neighbourly disputes so apologies in advance

I work from home mostly, and due to space constraints I have to work in my bedroom. The house opposite is raised slightly so their windows on the front look directly into my bedroom. This wouldn't be so bad, because the last 8 years the man who lived across the road was never visible at his windows, apart from getting on with his life (washing up)

However an older couple have now bought the house, and every day without fail I'm catching the husband looking into my bedroom window. At first I ignored it, just a downside of being overlooked, but I've started noticing him doing it with all the lights off, and sometimes he jumps when he sees me noticing him. He also only does it when his wife is out.

I've moved my desk so I now face the wall but I don't want to have to keep the curtains shut all day. AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this? Is there anything I can do?

OP when I was younger (am I allowed to say that I was ever younger or should I just state the number of years ago?) I found out that a neighbour (grown man with a DD older than me) had been sitting regularly with his ear to an adjoining door of our houses that the landlord had not properly blocked when he split the properties (terrible landlord and house - whole other story). He would also stand in the courtyard in the dark and stare into the window above my stairs. The window was high and I couldn't reach to close the blinds without standing on the bannister and frame. Thank God I never walked around naked as I had no idea I could been seen through it. Apparently he would watch me getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth etc. Ugh.

I would say that getting a reflective window cover is a great idea. That way all the perv will see is him perving right back.

No worries Sikkinis they do ones with patterns in so you can slightly see out but he wouldn't be able to see you!

Right, I've been thinking about this while I was changing the duvet (don't know why that made me think of this solution, but never mind). The man is either
a) A pervert
b) Has a mental illness which means he is unaware of people's feelings
c) Is genuinely oblivious to you

Whichever is the case, the best solution is:

1. Get yourself a camera with a zoom lens
2. Connect it up to a spare TV / monitor (as large as possible) and ensure that it is facing the window so is visible to this man
3. Train the camera on his window - make sure it is zoomed in so he is clearly visible
4. Put a jovial/offensive cardboard sign on the TV, saying something like "Cunt-Cam Live!" or "Filmed in Perv-o-vision"

Display the feed live but also record it as evidence of the length and frequency of his stares.

Technically you are not allowed to do this but the only way he will know about it is by admitting he was staring into your room. If the police got involved, you will have a defence in that you are concerned about him watching you in this way. It would look very badly for the police if they went after you in these circumstances - the papers would love it!

If you don't want to go down this root, maybe put on a bit of a show for him - have some white powder in lines on your desk (crushed up paracetamol works well), leave a copy of Mein Kampf in a prominent position, have a Word file open on your computer screen with the words "Why I am going to kill my pervy neighbour" - anything to freak him out a little bit.

Or just get blinds, whatever you're more comfortable with.

Jebus, get some blinds, I'm not reading six pages of this.

Agree with PP just get some blinds.

A woman who lives across the road from me used to stand in her window staring. Initially, I thought I was imagining it until I had a friend visiting and she pointed it out, and when I said I thought the woman was just looking out of the window she waved to her. The woman jumped back and dodged out of sight, so I think she was staring and was embarrassed at being caught. I now have voile panels, but a couple of times when I've put the lights on without closing the curtains I have noticed her doing it again. I'm not sure why, I don't think she has the hots for me and I never do anything particularly interesting.

About the age thing, it is relevant. He's certainly old enough to know that isn't acceptable behaviour.

Yes to curtain and yes to the sign !
And keep a diary as he has probably been doing this shit all his like and no smoke without fire - just write it all down just in case

Why should the OP put up blinds to protect herself against this unwanted attention? Wouldn't it be better to find some way of dealing with the man's unacceptable behaviour rather than telling her she has to hide from it?

If she was wearing a mini skirt and getting stared at by a colleague, would we be telling her to cover herself up? It smacks of victim blaming, to me.

Ignore all the folk saying to you Well YOU must be looking out of the window too/WHY did you mention their age blah blah blah - that is ALL irrelevant. The point is, he is there, looking. Its off-putting (as a minor comment) and worrying (as a max comment). I say follow your vibes - and yes, get net curtains, blinds etc so that he can no longer look across at you. Gut instinct certainly seems a good thing to follow - we've got it for a reason! It may not make "sense" but also sense says why is he disguising looking out of his own window unless its because he is observing as opposed to merely glancing!

I am not in my 20's. However a woman who lived opposite was. For many months we couldn't actually even glance out of our bedroom window as each and every time she was dancing naked at her window which was directly in line with our window. It became a bit of an obsession that when anyone else ( i.e. teenagers) went into our room for anything I'd be reminding them not to look out of the bedroom window. This in turn, of course, led them to do it especially teen boy! She could also be seen from sitting room window although not as clearly. Anyway, after many months I'd sort of realised she was an exhibitionist as the naked dancing was directly in front of her window, never at the back of her room. Now if she'd been a man in his 50's would I have let this go on for so long? Of course not, but I felt foolish and wasn't sure what to do as it was a young female......However it became actually very uncomfortable so I had a word with the landlord of the property, he in turn actually called the police and she was, i understand, given a caution. She came around ( I'd never spoken to her before) and apologised, she had a strangeness about her, her excuse was that she liked dancing and she liked being naked!
Moral of the story is age doesnt seem to have any bearing on whether someone is perving or not

People are allowed to look at you. Sometimes their attention will be drawn whether you are topless on the beach or are wearing a niqab in the high street. What matters is what happens beyond that glance.

If someone goes on to say or do something offensive then I would defend the person. But I don't know what the man is doing. OP has said it's her bedroom which makes it sound really creepy, until you realise it's a room that she sleeps in and also works in at a desk with her back to the window.

I'm currently in my kitchen which has no curtains because they would get filthy. I'm overlooked by at least three neighbours. Therefore I am dressed. I don't have to be, that's just the way I prefer it.

Other rooms have nets for the day time and thick curtains I draw whenever I want to turn on the light and not attract attention.

If she feels the man really is harassing her then she should report it to the police rather than doing any of the idiotic things suggested on this thread.

But I'd start by putting up nets.

Well, as far as the original post goes, I'd suggest perhaps putting up some curtains or blinds. That would resolve matters without the need for friction of any kind.

Having read through the whole thread, then .... I've made a mental note to stop taking a sneaky look at the young (mid 30s or so) guys at the gym. I now see that it's completely age inappropriate. However, what I am I gonna do for kicks now between my sets?

These threads can really spoil your fun.

If it was innocent he wouldn't be in the dark Gidding. He is doing dirty things. Op is right to be concerned