To feel uncomfortable with my new neighbour

[Sikkinis]

I'm aware that mumsnet is awash with neighbourly disputes so apologies in advance

I work from home mostly, and due to space constraints I have to work in my bedroom. The house opposite is raised slightly so their windows on the front look directly into my bedroom. This wouldn't be so bad, because the last 8 years the man who lived across the road was never visible at his windows, apart from getting on with his life (washing up)

However an older couple have now bought the house, and every day without fail I'm catching the husband looking into my bedroom window. At first I ignored it, just a downside of being overlooked, but I've started noticing him doing it with all the lights off, and sometimes he jumps when he sees me noticing him. He also only does it when his wife is out.

I've moved my desk so I now face the wall but I don't want to have to keep the curtains shut all day. AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this? Is there anything I can do?

I think I would start by waving cheerily each and every time you see him. Shame him by making clear you have noticed.

If that doesn't work I'd wait for the next time stand up sharply and walk straight over there and knock the door. Ask firmly but politely if there is something you can help with.

If that doesn't work then the next time go round when his wife is there and again ask firmly but politely if he would mind stopping.

Or buy nets.

I live at my parents house, I used to work at home as a student and now I'm doing masters study from home too? I don't see the need to imply I'm lying

But saying that my elderly neighbour at the real probably thinks I stare into her kitchen window all the time as I accidentally caught her eye when I was gazing into space wondering what to stuff in my fat face get out of the fridge.

Now I automatically check to see if she's in her kitchen window .

I can't help myself . I'd lived here 12 years before accidentally doing this and it's like the last 6 months have turned me into this crazy kitchen window stalker . 👀

When I was in my 20s some time in the last century my boyfriend, now my husband, had no curtains in his bedroom.

I was a bit concerned about this but he insisted that the people in the flats opposite couldn't possibly see in. He gave me some convincing-sounding twaddle about the angle of the sun.

I used to walk about naked. One day I noticed the man opposite staring at me. I froze. So did he. Then he grinned and waved.

Get some fucking blinds

I think yabu I often stand in my upstairs bdroom window looking up and down the road just interested in what is going on, why shouldn`t he look out of window it doesn't mean he is staring at you.

". I also think it does matter if he is looking in a dodgy way, that he is at least 25 years my senior."

Why?

I give up. The ageism on this board drives me nuts.

His age is utterly irrelevant. What if she'd posted 'My lovely neighbours moved out and a black couple moved in....'? Would some of you find that easier to comprehend? Fucking hell.

I also think it does matter if he is looking in a dodgy way, that he is at least 25 years my senior.

I know what you mean. When I was in my 20s I was perfectly okay with strange men my own age looking at me in a dodgy way. But anyone over 40? Eww!

If you have a house phone and he's standing there in the dark, make a point of looking at him and pretend to ring a number, he might think you're reporting him if hes doing something he shouldnt be or think you're just making a phone call unless he has a guilty conscience lol

Does he have a bird feeder of something he's looking at?

Oh my Lordy some of the comments on here

If someone is 30 years older than you then that is "old" to them, not sure why OP needs to be flamed for that.

OP it must be very disconcerting and given that it's done with lights off shows he knows what he's doing. I guess all you can do as previously suggested is cover the window somehow. What have your parents said about it? Totally get it would make you uncomfortable though.

I have plain voiles. Less dated than nets and still let plenty of light in.
Not sure why you're getting such a bashing about the age reference, although in my mind 'older' would mean elderly and I'm in my 20s too. Not really the issue here though is it!

She's not being flamed. She's being asked why she thinks the man's age is relevant.

limitedperiodonly - why did your dh say that?

I second the idea of picking up a telephone whilst directly looking at him. Scare him into stopping his creepy peeping.

As for the posters stating that they often look out of their window onto the road or their garden etc, well that's fine, except the OP has said repeatedly that the only thing in view of that particular window is her house. Her bedroom window to be exact. The only view there is her room. It's very possible that it's the rubbish design and position of the houses.
I'm sure there are numerous other windows in his house that look out onto the road, his drive, the garden or whatever else that is to non pervs more interesting than a young lady in her bedroom.

I spend most of the day sitting in front of the living room window, reading and dozing and looking at nothing. I doubt the people across the street think I'm staring at them, but you never know.

OP, get some blinds. Problem solved.

When I was 20 people in their 50's looked old to me , now I am in my 50's? Not so much.
The answer is easy. Get some voile, it's not expensive, it's easy to put up and its much nicer than "granny style" nets. It lets light in, but will obscure your neighbours view. Sorted.

It´s your parents´ house? Why don´t you talk to them about it and ask if they would put up blinds or the film or whatever?

Yes, I have the front bedroom and as they are hardly in they don't notice him out of the sitting room (also on the front)

I'm measuring up for blinds now!

Jesus. Hes obviously watching HER, not randomly looking out the window. I love looking out my kitchen window, a fair number of people come and go (it's a bit of a thoroughfare and near a town) and I frankly like to see who's about (kinda from a security point of view).

The front bedroom where my DD sleeps faces directly onto some flats so she has venetian blinds which she keeps closed so no one can perv on her. I'll glance out of those windows when I'm up there clearing her floordrobe.

But I can say that I NEVER stand at the window in the ight or in the dark, staring into any of the windows opposite. Additionally, if I was looking across and happened to see someone sat on their own I would go out of my WAY to make sure I wasn't looking at them or give them any cause to think that I was looking at them - because that's the last thing I'd want.

Like OP I've been looking out of my window - for my grocery home delivery - and caught the eye of a neighbour and though oh God I bet they think I'm looking at them to see what they're doing! I'm not. So what do I do? I desperately try to avoid doing that because it would freak anyone out if they were gawping at me.

Surely it's obvious it's totally intentional and perving in nature, or at the very least incredibly incredibly incredibly nosey and intrusive, But likely pervey, sorry, all the facts point to it from OPs description.

Also, I like to be able to see out my windows, I don't like curtains or blinds or anything which restricts my view and wouldn't be happy if I had to have them at the window because someone was openly gawping at me a lot of the time.

Whether he's 50 or 90, he should (if he had half a brain) be thinking about how his actions (which are not someone just looking out the windows casually) could be interpreted, could they cause concern or distress to the person being observed, is it an unreasonable amount of gawping that he's doing preventing OPs reasonable enjoyment of her own home fgs. The answer would be yes, it's not reasonable and there is a pervy edge to it that is completely inappropriate and understandably unsettling.

I'd say f the curtains/blinds/nets (shudder) and the next time you see him go over there (it'd be ideal if you had a witness to go with you) and say what many PPs have suggested asking him why he keeps starting at you you find it unsettling and inappropriate that he's watching you with the lights on and off and you would like him to stop. That seems entirely reasonable to me.

I should also add that you can't really see the lounge due to our garden hedge!

Get some pictures of Cyanistes caeruleus blown up and put in the window.

Dress up as the Grim Reaper and sidle into view.

Trex back and forward.

Or get some voiles, you dont even need to drill holes or put up rails as you can get tension rods to hang them on.
Like these www.amazon.co.uk/Speedy-100-150-Tension-Rod-White/dp/B0042A188W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1486833338&sr=8-2&keywords=tension+rods+for+voiles&tag=mumsnetforum-21

I'd go round when his wife is there, introduce yourself and say something like "I see you so often at the window I thought it would be weird not to say hi!".

Creepy. Can you get a window sticket of a tropical beach or something ? You look at a nice picture his view is blocked