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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to take the baby so I can sleep!

151 replies

Babyiwantabump · 11/02/2017 12:20

Baby DS is 13 months .

In all that time he has never slept through the night . He wakes hourly .

I am exhausted.

I am back to work soon and so need to get some sleep.

DH has never helped with DS waking in the night and at the moment sleeps in a separate room to us so he is not disturbed .

I am terrified that I am not going to cope when I go back to work .

I have asked OH to take the baby for just one night so I can get a proper nights sleep and he has said NO!

I'm on my last legs .

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/02/2017 13:42

@einekleine I might try that. If OH will help .

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 11/02/2017 13:44

Wake him up every time the baby wakes up, I am sure he'll reconsider after that.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/02/2017 13:51

I'm going to tell him that he is having DS tonight when he gets in from work .

OP posts:
tooyoungtobeagrandma · 11/02/2017 13:52

With my second child my husband was away from him being 6 weeks old to 9 months. (Armed Forces) The baby was never a good sleeper, I was completely wrung out by the time husband returned. The first night he was back, he complained, after being woken by baby 3 times in night, that he could not manage without a proper night sleep. I blew my top and he agreed to sleep with the baby during the weekend while I caught up with sleep in with our daughter. I heard the baby cry and then go quiet several times and assuming he was managing, to find in the morning he had slept through every cry. Baby started to sleep through the night at that point, getting no reward for waking I suppose. However, I never quite forgave husband for his initial response.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 11/02/2017 13:56

It's funny isn't it how they complain they can't function on little sleep but we are expected to .

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 11/02/2017 14:30

I'm going to tell him that he is having DS tonight when he gets in from work

Do you have any spare money? You can ensure it by going to a local hotel once he gets home, and turning your phone off.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 11/02/2017 17:29

Oh my god, how are you still alive and functioning? I have a 2 moNTh olD and so tired I feel like I aM going to collaapse. Just had maassive fiGhT wITh dh aS he heLd baby while sHe slept for 4 hours (while I folded laundry / played with DD / got tesco delivery / expressed milk for her medicine) -- aaNd I came up and saaid I should really feed her, and he said I was "yelling" at him. i'd said aBout him holding her aat night between feeds (which I'm not sure will work as he doesnt wake as easily as me when she cries) but he obviously thought I meant daytime. Why the hell would I want her to go longer in daytime? Surely that will just confuse her more about night and day?

Anyway, your dh sounds like he doesn't give a toss about your wellbeing at all. I just wanted to sympathise and say I think you're amazing for doing this for so long. I hope you get some sleep soon. (Sorry for typos)

megletthesecond · 11/02/2017 17:34

My EX P was like this. Refused to get up for either dc, ever (post EMCS and during illness). I called him on it when dc2 was 4 months old and ended it.

It shows them up for what they really are. Selfish.

londonrach · 11/02/2017 17:36

How has this gone on for 13 months. Yadnbu.

Maryann1975 · 11/02/2017 17:42

For a practical sleep point of view. Can you book baby into nursery now, for a day a week until you start work so you can have a day by yourself to catch up on sleep. So at least you have had a bit of a break before you start?

SecretWitch · 11/02/2017 17:48

I'm so sorry for you,Op. Flowers I just cannot understand your husband's behaviour. He absolutely should be taking the baby so you can sleep. I'm wondering though given the situation is it possible for your mom or a friend to give you a break? It's not ideal but you need the rest.

Msqueen33 · 11/02/2017 17:53

I'd say to my dh he either has his child so I could sleep or he'd do a few mornings at nursery so I could function. Cheeky bastard. Somehow men can't function on such little sleep. Funny we're expected too!!

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 11/02/2017 17:55

Oh and i think you said upthread that you don't have family who can take the dc so you're on your own- I'm in that position too and it's so so hard. Am also breastfeeding and doing the nights. At least my dh will occasionally change a nappy at night when I wake him up, but increasingly I don't bother since we're arguing loads and he's always grumpy about it. My fear is I'm so tired that I'll get to the point where I just can't function. Sleep deprivation really is torture.

Longdistance · 11/02/2017 17:58

Book a hotel room for the night, throw baby at Dh. Walk out, and leave the lazy twat to it.

Tempered · 11/02/2017 17:58

Wow, I didn't realise that men help on the days they don't go out to work. Mine didn't and I accepted it.

He sounds like your husband, in that he never lifted a finger, and actually make stuff harder by not doing it properly.

He's my ex. Thank fuck.

The scales are falling from my eyes daily, when I realise everything he did / said was not "normal".

Good luck OP.

Finola1step · 11/02/2017 18:02

I'm a bit confused. A toddler and a baby? With a H (note the dropping of the 'D') who sleeps a full night, every night in a separate room?

Finola1step · 11/02/2017 18:03

Forgot to ask...are you married?

lazytuesday · 11/02/2017 18:06

LTB and if you wont do that at least go full nuclear to get him to understand that you are very angry and are not going to be tolerating this any more. Id even say just go and stay in a hotel for a night on one of his days off and turn your phone off. He needs to look after his children. Theres no excuse for not pulling his weight like this its disgusting. Flowers

Frazzledmum123 · 11/02/2017 18:09

I'm not one for the cry it out method myself but if you do decide to do it I wouldn't worry about your other child, my baby literally goes purple in the face why she cries and yet never wakes my other two even with our door open! Also, it's half term now so probably the best time to do it if you do give it a go.
Good luck, if it's any consolation at all, my ds used to be horrendous and then just stopped and is now a brilliant sleeper, still not sure why!!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/02/2017 18:10

What happens in the mornings? My dh rarely wakes with the kids overnight, but gets up with them Every Single Morning. Do you get why kind of payback?

Suzytwoshoes · 11/02/2017 18:11

Think you need to have a serious chat and tell him you will leave if he doesn't start stepping up to the plate!

RedSauce · 11/02/2017 18:19

Another case of "why did OP have a kid with a horrible man and then ask why the man is so horrible?" for me.

StrawberryShortcake32 · 11/02/2017 18:21

This is plain wrong!
You OH needs put his big boy pants on and take responsibility!

DS goes down between 8 and 9pm and DH will often do his midnight feed for me so I can get at least 5 hours sleep in one go. Even when he's working the next day he does this

Would something like that work for you both? You sleep as soon as the baby goes down initially and OH does all the soothing untill he goes to bed to let you get a few hours in?

CakeFlowers I know how it feels, I'm sorry it's all so pants for you. I'm told it gets better and am trying to just keep that in mind Smile

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/02/2017 18:31

Yes, what happens on the mornings when DH doesn't have work? Who gets up with the DCs?

It's outrageous that he thinks this is OK. He needs to sleep his full eight hours every night does he? Poor lamb Hmm.

YouWillNotSeeMe · 11/02/2017 18:41

Agree if you have a a friend or money for a cheap B&B to guarantee you'll get some sleep tonight.
Tell him tomorrow you are thinking of leaving him as you are a single parent anyway and you will get more sleep with shared custody.
He'll either step up and help out, great hope it lasts, or tell you to stay make empty promises or just do nothing and sadly you have your answer.