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AIBU?

To want to tell my SIL to go and take a running jump...

265 replies

OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 16:25

So I don't have a good relationship with my brother and his wife, unfortunately. I used to be great mates with my brother but since his wife came along (10 ish years ago now!) it's got worse and worse over time. She doesn't like to associate with family, preferring her friends over anyone and everyone. Her choice but makes a lot of situations awkward, especially as I would like my son to have a relationship with them and his cousins.

Anyhoo.... she has just text me to say that she is organising a surprise party for my bro's 40th in the summer, so I'm thinking, ooooh that sounds fun, I wonder what we'll be doing..... and then it says "so because everyone will be there I was wondering if you would babysit?"

After I spat my tea all over my keyboard and got over the shock, I typed back a very blunt and rude text but don't dare send it! How does she dare not invite us!??? I really wanna put her in her place but I also don't want to cause a bigger rift in the family...... what do I do Mumsnetters, WHAT DO I DO! I fucking hate the evil bitch

OP posts:

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PebbleInTheMoonlight · 10/02/2017 16:56

My response would be

"Did my mum already turn you down or am I the only relative not invited?"

Direct, honest and not insulting.

She'll still have a hissy fit and complain to all her minions how unfair and unreasonable you're being but then she'll do that for any response other than "Of course I'll babysit" so you may as well have fun! I'd keep an eye out on AIBU too

AdoraBell · 10/02/2017 16:56

Can you text your mum and ask if she's attending? If she is she will obvs reply discreetly so DB doesn't find out.

RyanStartedTheFire · 10/02/2017 16:57

You've said you don't have a good relationship with your brother. Do you think he would want you there?
This. If you don't get on I don't think it's an absolute given you'd be invited but as you push the cousin relationship she might have thought you'd like to spend time with them? Still cheeky though, no matter what way it's sliced.

MadMags · 10/02/2017 16:57

Is it just you and your parents from his family? Isn't there anyone else you can check with??

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/02/2017 16:57

Maybe the party is nudist, or for furbies, or competitive nose picking and only a select group of people are invited?

NotInMyBackYard1 · 10/02/2017 17:01

"Ah what a lovely idea, you are good for organising a party for him - I'm really looking forward to it, what do you think my DB would like for a gift?'

OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 17:02

@RyanStartedTheFire - hmmmm I get your point from how I worded it, my brother and I do actually like each other, but my SIL makes it very hard for us to have any sort of relationship as she turns down invitations to EVERYTHING so we barely see them. They live like ten minutes away so that's not an excuse, I honestly think she just doesn't like me. Brother is stuck between a rock and a hard place, and doesn't have the balls to say anything! unless he actually doesn't like me either and this is all a front

OP posts:

AhNowTed · 10/02/2017 17:05

Is go wth the 'misunderstood' response...

Oh great, love a good knees up, looking forward to it. I'm sure we can find babysitter.. maybe can do it

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 10/02/2017 17:05

Maybe the party is nudist, or for furbies

Is this a new trend? Furbies parties for adults? Is it like swinging but you all swap furbies? I'm confused.

I'm also placemarking

FireInTheHead · 10/02/2017 17:07

I think the 'everyone will be there' indicates it's not just a party exclusively for friends/fellow travellers. It's just breathtaking twattishness and sending the message OP is NOT invited.

KitKat1985 · 10/02/2017 17:07

Ouch. That's brutal.

Really want to know what you text her and how this conversation goes

Cherryskypie · 10/02/2017 17:07

If he was that bothered about seeing you and he lives 10 minutes away he could drop in pretty easily couldn't he?

She sounds unpleasant but women often get the sole blame when family relationships are strained. It takes both of the couple to keep their distance.

SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 17:09

Think I would feign confusion "I'm confused surely I'm invited to my brother's 40th party? So How will I babysit?"

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 10/02/2017 17:10

SIL has some brass fucking balls.

"...No. Are you drunk?" would be my reply.

pictish · 10/02/2017 17:10

I'm another who's placemarking wondering if it's a just-friends party and not a family do, so do find that out before you reply to the request.
I'm sure your sil is a proper cowbag, but don't be too quick to blame her for the rift. Your brother's relationship with you is his responsibility, not hers. Even if she refuses every invite going, he should be making the effort himself.

OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 17:11

thanks for the "tough love" @Cherryskypie - I don't want to admit to myself that you're right, but, well, you are.

OP posts:

ColourfulOrangex · 10/02/2017 17:12

wow! What a cheek!!

OhJustPassTheCake · 10/02/2017 17:12

You're absolutely right @pictish, he does occassionaly attend things on his own or just him and the kids, but that's not particularly frequent either. Time for some home truths me thinks xxx

OP posts:

pictish · 10/02/2017 17:13

Sorry OP but it's true. If he was bothered about seeing you, he would.
I know that's an ouchie.

Ginkypig · 10/02/2017 17:13

My brothers the same (doesn't live as close though)

It's his fault though. He could pick up the phone or he could decide to visit or he could for once tell a date I could visit but he doesn't because he is in his family bubble and we are no longer in it his dp and kids are.

She is hard to get along with and we would never be friends or even be in contact but its not her fault he won't grow some balls to keep his family relationships going.

Pigeonpost · 10/02/2017 17:15

I vote for Twopeapods response. Ball right back in her court..

Trifleorbust · 10/02/2017 17:15

I just nearly choked when I saw that. How rude!

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handslikecowstits · 10/02/2017 17:15

Why don't you phone her and ask what's going on? I would.

Modern texting seems very PA and cowardly to me - I'm going to be rude but I've no balls/womb so I'll text rather than speak to you. Boils my piss.

(Not you OP, I'm talking generally.)

StealthPolarBear · 10/02/2017 17:16

I think you'd be betyer off being up front. "He's my brother. Why am I not invited to his birthday party?"

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 10/02/2017 17:17

"Wow. 40. And that makes a whole decade of his life married to you. How time flies. Are you sure he will want to celebrate?"

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